Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Blogging Survivor: South Pacific: "I'll eat a piece of his shit, that's how much of a 100% I am that he's with us"

Upon arriving at Redemption Island, Ozzy greeted Cochran by scolding, "Cochran, Cochran, Cochran - why? Didn't you learn your lesson?" Cochran responded by acknowledging, "I drank the Kool-Aid."

Last week's Tribal Council ended with Russell's Nephew announcing that not only would the Upolu Alliance would be voting out Cochran, but that fellow alliance member Edna would be the next to go. Edna understandably began to feel frustrated and alienated by the betrayal of a tribe that she thought she had been a part of.

When Russell's Nephew asked the Savaii Tribe Alliance to come together for a morning prayer she excused herself because she did not feel like she was "part of the tribe." This caused Russell's Nephew to pray that God "softens her heart," because in his mind it's logical to pray for forgiveness for the person who you screwed over...Sadly, it appears as if poor Jimmy Swaggart's message fell on deaf ears and he died in vain.

Edna went on to voice her displeasure to Coach by saying, "I feel one guy, a 19 year-old high school drop-out, who's advertised that he's crazy, dictated to me the direction of my own destiny here."

When Cochran informed Ozzy that he felt as if the Upolu Alliance showed him no gratitude for shifting sides and giving them numbers, Ozzy got to the point and asked him whether he was going to vote for Coach or himself. That question caused Cochran's competitive juices to boil (which is probably the first time he ever had any of his juices boil). "What if I demolish you at the Duel, why that not a possibility?" Ozzy responded by saying, "You have a chance, you have a chance," before saying in private, "he really doesn't stand a chance."

The Redemption Duel between Ozzy and Cochran consisted of tossing grappling hooks to pull back a bags of balls, and then using one of them to solve a table maze. Despite getting off to a big lead in the grappling toss, Ozzy had problems with the table maze and was only able to defeat Cochran in a photo finish...and if you watch close enough, you can actually see Ozzy slightly piss himself.

Ozzy was told that he could choose three members of the Upolu Alliance to receive visits from loved ones, who had sent videos and were waiting on the island. Ozzy ended up choosing Coach, Albert and Russell's Nephew, in what could be viewed as an attempt to show Sophie and Rick that they were at the bottom of Coach's pecking order.

However, Coach made a surprise strategic move and approached Ozzy about making a secret alliance to go to the Final 3, giving him his "word as a Christian man...two noble warriors fighting it out." Seeing new found hope to get back in the game, Ozzy agreed to Coach's proposal.

Speaking of Christian men, all hell broke loose when Russell's Nephew was shown meeting with his loved-one, Russell's Brother, a/k/a, Russell's Nephew's Father. Alright, even I'm getting confused....I might have to actually start calling these hicks by their real names since they seem to be multiplying on Survivor like rats.

Russell's Nephew began by telling Russell's Brother about his strategy for the rest of the game. "I'm going to be such an example, I'm going to change peoples lives. Spit on one million dollars...I'm playing to set an example for Christ."

This angered Russell's Brother, who urged his son to take any opportunity that would assure him making it into the Final 3. When Russell's Nephew said that he wouldn't, Russell's Brother became irritated. "Are you kidding me?...You came here to win a million dollars, let's not lose perspective...No, it doesn't make me upset that you want to stand by the fact that you're a Christian, but you're also here to do a job, and that job is to bring home the gold...God also wants us to be wise, make a good position, put your family in a good position."

As much as I'm sure that God wants nothing more to give the Hantz family a million dollars, I'm pretty sure that he also wants their clan of Hobbits to stop getting jacked up on crystal meth and breeding...but I'm pretty sure that neither one of those two things are going to happen.

Speaking privately to the camera, Russell's Brother expounded. "I'm seeing (Russell's Nephew) frazzled...I don't like what I see, so I'm really glad that I came today...If I had to grade (Russell's Nephew) on the way he's playing, I'd probably give him a 'C.' I don't know how he hasn't gotten voted off yet...He's got to begin to play the game, and play it to win. It's the Hantz way, baby."

Not one to pass on an opportunity to seize additional camera time, Russell's Brother actually approached Coach and put him on the spot about his plans to take Russell's Nephew with him to the Final 3.

This seemed to irritate Coach who said, "(Russell's Nephew's) dad, a chip off the old block. They're all cut from the same cloth. (Russell's Nephew's) dad basically tried to bully me into making sure his son goes all the way to the end...It's all about manipulation and control, and the Hantz family are the kingpins...The kid's a loose cannon and...a ticking time bomb. But guess what, that 'tick-tock,' that's not a time bomb, that's your clock. You're about ready to be expired on this island."

The Immunity Challenge consisted of taking steps on a puzzle board, where each piece that a contestant stood upon became ineligible to be used in the future until only one contestant remained. While Coach won, Russell's Nephew explained his early exit by blurting out how he had played to ensure that a "particular person didn't win." This caused Edna to snap, "You can just use my name - like you do."

Edna tried to convince Coach to vote Brandon out based on his lack of honor and integrity, the two traits that Coach has said that he values the most in the game. "I just cannot accept that our tribe is saying 'honor and integrity'...and then you allow such behavior to happen around camp. That is like almost a hall pass for him to act irrationally around camp and emotionally destructive to everyone around us, me, Mikayla."

Coach told Edna that if she got Albert and Mikayla on her side he'd go along with her plan to vote Russell's Nephew out. When Albert questioned whether Edna actually had Coach on her side, Edna responded as convincingly as one could sound when she said, "Coach is 100%...I'll eat a piece of his shit, that's how much of a 100% I am that he's with us."

At Tribal Council Edna continued to plead her case when she said, "I've been trying to target (Russell's Nephew). His actions and behaviors have been in consistent with our Upolu mantra of...What is it again Coach?" When Coach responded by saying, "Our mantra is honor, loyalty, integrity," Edna pointed out how Russell's Nephew deviated from those traits by lying earlier in the game in order to get Mikayla voted out, as well as his strategy in the Immunity Challenge where he played only to prevent her from winning.

Russell's Nephew said that he didn't mind being Edna's punching bag, but warned her against "taking shots at my character...she's running around the tribe and planting seeds in people's minds". Edna quickly shot back, "To clarify, I wasn't planting seeds. I am not fabricating the events that happened. They happened, I didn't make one of those things up."

Ultimately, Coach, Albert and Sophie remained true to their original plan for a "Upolu Five," and they voted Edna off to Redemption Island, but not before she got in one last jab at Russell's Nephew as she voted against him. "I know you came out here to cleanse your family name. You're not doing a very good job of it."

Ranking the Survivors:

7. Edna - Even though she was sent to Redemption Island, I like the way Edna stood up to Russell's Nephew after he gave her a hollow apology for rubbing it in and publicly announcing that she was not part of Upolu's final five. "(Russell's Nephew) did verbalize an apology, but it was insincere. It's like beating your wife and apologizing or buying her a diamond necklace. 'I bought her a diamond necklace, I apologized, that's it.' In his mind he apologized, let's go on to the next insult."  In fact, the more I think about it, I'm starting to think that as a doctor, Edna just might have gained access to Russell's Nephew's psychiatric file from his real life domestic abuse case.
6. Ozzy - Ozzy still needs to make it off Redemption Island before he can pursue his secret alliance with Coach.
5. Sophie - With all the wanna be Bible thumpers playing the game this season, I think Sophie put things in proper perspective. "(Russell's Nephew) thinks an apology absolves all sins, and maybe that's true in church, but on Survivor people are not as forgiving as Jesus Christ is." In fact, I think this needs to be added to Survivor's official motto of 'Outwit, Outlast, Outplay.'
4. Rick - While it took nearly all season, Rick finally found a way that he can communicate, by making references to animals. For example, like Sophie, Rick was upset at the way Russell's Nephew treated Edna. "Why do you have to do that (Russell's Nephew)? I like Edna. It didn't need to happen. She was clearly not going to win the game...That's like calling a little dog, 'come here, come here, come here,' and then whacking it in the gut with your foot. I mean, that's not right." You heard it here first, when Rick makes his final Jury Speech/Vote, there will be an animal reference in it.
3. Albert - I'm afraid that this was the week that Albert and Sophie should have made a move. It seems pretty clear that Rick and Russell's Nephew will remain loyal to Coach, so Albert and Sophie no longer have numbers in their favor in regards to Savaii's final five. Even if Edna returns from Redemption Island, it would still only be three on three. If Ozzy returns, he already seems to be locked into a secret deal with Coach. Still, if there's one other person who can defeat Coach in this game aside from Ozzy, it's Albert.
2. Russell's Nephew - Coach has had every opportunity to get rid of Russell's Nephew after he initially undermined him by trying to vote out Mikayla, as well as the way he shoots off his mouth towards those outside their alliance. Nonetheless, the little fella keeps sticking around, which makes me think that Coach plans on bringing him along to the end.
1. Coach - I'm starting to think that when this game is over Coach should right a philosophy book, only it needs to be marketed towards born-again Christians and Dungeons and Dragons players...because they're the only ones stupid enough to buy into his crap.

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