Sunday, December 18, 2011

Blogging Survivor: South Pacific - "I'm at peace with that. I'm pissed, but I'm at peace with that"

As the Upolu Five returned back to camp, Russell's Nephew took time to pay his respects to the one who got them this far. "The first thing we need to do is give thanks to the person who did this for us." To my surprise he wasn't talking about Cochran, but he instead lead a tribe prayer.

An increasingly cocky Albert began to target Sophie, who to this point had been his closest ally. "I'm in a good position to pull off what I think will be the biggest blindside in the game so far."

Personally, I'm not exactly sure how voting out the fat girl that everyone was indifferent about and losing your own numbers constitutes "the biggest blindside in the game," but Albert seemed pretty confident that Coach was going to take him to the end. Then again, so did Rick, and Russell's Nephew and Sophie.

The Redemption Duel between Ozzy and Edna consisted of completing a slide puzzle and then a puzzle cube. In spite of receiving help on how to correctly solve her puzzle cube from the entire Upolu Tribe, Ozzy ended up defeating Edna, who was eliminated as he stayed in the game at Redemption Island.

Back at camp Albert continued on with his big plans to make a major move at least one week too late. "The five of us when we got together way back when on Upolu beach, we talked about 'honor and integrity' all the way. The interesting thing is, in the game of Survivor, I don't care a single thing about 'honor and integrity.'"

Albert pushed his idea to Coach, who wasn't having it. "He's got a thing about Sophie. I think it's because she's smarter than Albert. She's speaking up in Tribal...She's not the quiet little mouse he thought she was." In the mean time, Sophie warned Coach about the dangers of taking Ozzy to the end given that he has fed and comforted every jury member on their way out of the game on Redemption Island, making him very likable.

Coach continued to push Russell's Nephew away following his dad's visit at a "loved one" reward last week, who obviously gave him PTSD flashbacks of getting pushed around by the original Russell. When Russell's Nephew approached Coach and Albert to question their conversation, Coach flipped out. "C'mon man, don't sound like Russell. I don't want you to come in here and try to bully us, man. Seriously, you've turned into a bully."

For whatever reason, Coach's lecture struck a nerve with Russell's Nephew. "That definitely hurt my feelings, what you just said bro...I don't feel like I've acted like Russell." But by that point the damage had been done in Coach's eyes. "(Russell's Nephew) really pissed me off. I think Mr. Hantz came in and gave him a shot of 'the Hantz, and all of a sudden (Russell's Nephew) comes bullying up to us and is like what are you guys talking about?"

Coach went on to say, "The apple never falls far from the tree, and meeting his father is confirmation as to what these last couple of days I need to do for my next move." On the other hand, Russell's Nephew sensed that he was no longer in Coach's good graces, as he said, "Chill out man, God's got everything under control."

The Immunity Challenge consisted of climbing a wall to retrieve bags full of pieces, and then using those pieces to solve a puzzle. Russell's Nephew won Immunity and a pizza party, to which he invited Cowboy Rick instead of Coach.

Coach, who narrowly lost to Russell's Nephew, lamented losing the opportunity to vote him off. "I believe in divine intervention. It was not (Russell's Nephew's) time to go home tonight. He saved his own skin by winning Immunity, and I'm at peace with that. I'm pissed, but I'm at peace with that."

As Sophie approached Russell's Nephew and Cowboy Rick to "smell their pizza," she informed them that she planned to vote against Albert. As Albert's promises to multiple people that they'd go to the end together quickly became more exposed than a shot of Sophie's sideboob, his house of cards began to fall.

Russell's Nephew, who was convinced that he and Albert had formed a special bond, began to question that relationship. "You got a lot of people who don't know how to tell the truth, and I'm talking specifically about Albert." Holding true to his fashion, Russell's Nephew then confronted Albert in front of the whole tribe, and exposed him as a fraud at a critical time when the five remaining Upolu Alliance members were trying to decide who would be the next to go.

Just when it seemed that the decision of who would be voted out next had made itself, Russell's Nephew began to have a change of heart when Albert approached him in a last ditch attempt to try to mend fences. "If I can just draw Brandon back over with me, I think I'm back where I need to be." "Who am I not to forgive, I am an imperfect person...Everyone has lied in this game, including myself," said Russell's Nephew as he reflected on his religion.

After Albert continued to pull at Russell's Nephew's emotions and religious beliefs by saying, "I just don't want you to close your heart on're making me look like a bad dude," Brandon changed his mind on the spot and smiled as he said, "I'm not voting you." He went on to explain that he believed Albert truly deserved to remain in the game.

Russell's Nephew then truly went "Pequeno Loco," and did the unthinkable and offered Albert his Immunity Necklace to show Albert that he still has his back...after Albert lied to HIM!! "If I have to, I'll give you my Immunity Necklace...Coach will not vote for me, Albert will not vote for me, and I'll vote for Sophie."

When Russell's Nephew approached Coach about his idea, he received no guarantees about his own safety if he were to give away the Immunity Necklace. "I honestly believe that this is what God wants us to do," explained Russell's Nephew. However, Coach interrupted and said, "This is what God wants you to do. What I need to do right now, is I need to pray. And I promise you this, I will do whatever God tells me to do." A nervous Russell's Nephew responded by saying, "I understand you gotta do what God wants you to do, I but I know he doesn't want you to write my name down."

At Tribal Council, Jeff Probst's eyes bugged and his jaw nearly dropped to the floor when Russell's Nephew immediately announced that he was giving his Immunity Necklace to Albert. "It's really hard to explain, because my loyalties are a little bit different."

Russell's Nephew explained that, "Back home when I was in the hole the whole gang scene..A lot of my friends would be, 'bro, I've got your back I got your back,' and I was really willing to give my life to these guys," but when it was time "to brawl," he would be left hanging and his friends wouldn't show.

When Jeff to sarcastically commented, "So it really wasn't a gang," Russell's Nephew acknowledged that "it was people taking my loyalty for what they wanted to use it for, and then leaving me."

Jeff got in one more good blast when he asked, "Is there any chance that's happening tonight?" Russell's Nephew admitted that he did not feel at peace with his decision since "Coach is going to do what God wants him to do, and if God wants him to vote me out, I believe he would," which is pretty much his way of saying that he got played like a bitch without having to admit it or give Coach any credit.

The deal was all but sealed when Jeff asked Albert if he was willing to give the Immunity Necklace back to Russell's Nephew, and he responded by saying, "I hope (he) feels comfortable enough with me, him and Coach, knowing that he can make a move like this and go I'm not giving him the necklace back."

Sure enough, Coach took Russell's Nephew's decision to give his Immunity Necklace away as an opportunity to vote him out to Redemption Island, but not before he belittled him even further by telling him, "It's God's will, go win Redemption."

Ranking the Survivors:

6. Russell's Nephew - Move over Eric, we have a new winner for the Stupidist Use of Immunity in Survivor History!

I hope you all enjoyed the religious Brandon Hantz, because his did is going to beat the ever loving Bejesus out of him when he gets back home.
5. Ozzy - Ozzy is still off in his parrell universe on Redemption Island, which Sophie called "Ozzy's Pleasure Dome" in reference to how he's wining and dining his competitors before he beats them in the Redemption Duel and sends them to the jury in his good graces.
4. Albert - There's a special place in Hell for the guy who takes advantage of the retarded kid and takes his lunch money or makes him sit in the giant puddle at the end of the 6th grade long jump pit...not that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything.
3. Sophie - Sophie's comment about getting rid of Albert ended up coming back to haunt her when Russell's Nephew inexplicably gave him his Immunity Necklace, saving Albert from a sure banishment to Redemption Island. "It's gratifying seeing Albert get exposed, because instead of a blindside, he gets to go out looking even more pathetic than he has so far...It's like he's in the toilet bowl, and now (Russell's Nephew) Coach, and I, and Rich have a chance at flushing him down, he keeps scrambling back up, but I think Jeff will have the final flush tonight"
2. Rick - Now that Russell's Nephew is almost gone, I guess Albert said it best. "If I was voting people off based on how much i liked them, Rich would be the first person to go...Rick is the least dangerous player in the game...He hasn't done anything strategically...He hasn't done anything to win a challenge...Coach has been the cult leader, Rich has been the follower."
1. Coach - I love how Coach wanted to vote Russell's Nephew out, but said he needed to pray to see what God wanted him to do. In the miracle of all miracles, God told Coach exactly what he wanted to hear. "There was a name in my head over, and over, and over again. I cleaned the slate and I asked for it again, and it came up over, and over, and over again. My soul has never breathed like it does in this moment." I think it's safe to say that this whole season of Survivor has consisted of a bunch of pricks doing whatever the hell they like, but then wiping their hands clean of any wrongdoing under the cloak of their religion...kind of like Chick-fil-A does.

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