Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Blogging SURVIVOR: Blood vs. Water - "Do I feel powerful now? I think the word I've heard is 'Big Kahunas'"

Even after losing last week's Immunity Challenge and voting yet another strong player in Brad Culpepper sent off to Redemption Island, the Tadhana Tribe still went back to camp and celebrated...Mainly because all of the returning players "loved ones" are stupid.

At Galang, Laura M. gave Aras a massage in hopes of sucking up to him and getting in the good graces of his alliance.

When asked how she got so good at giving massages, Laura M. said "Twenty years of being married," plus that one summer she worked in an Asian massage parlor.

However, that plan backfired, as it only caused Tyson to get jealous, thereby putting an ever bigger target on her back since he thought she was trying to steal his man.

At night Tyson Apostol turns into "Tyson O'Possum," the Survivor super villain who steals and eats coconuts and toenails.

Female Rupert, feeling like an outcast at the veteran player camp, couldn't even give her body heat away, getting rebuked when she said, "Gervase, I've got blankie space...I've got blanket space," in an open offer for him to come and cuddle with her at night.

Gervase declined her offer by saying, "I'm good," which was kind of odd since she's white and fat. However, that didn't deter an obviously desperate Female Rupert from continuing to dangle her goods, as she said, "Okay, for future reference!"

Monica asked Brad if she could take his spot at the Redemption Challenge.

The challenge itself required Brad, John and Candice to take crate apart, build bridge puzzle to walk across, and then solve puzzle, with the first two to finish staying in the game.

John ended up winning, while Candice lost to her nemesis, Brad.

As the winner, John once again decided to give the clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol to Monica to put a target on her.

When Jeff Probst asked Monica what she was going to do with that clue, Brad instructed his wife to "Throw it in the fire...It's no good." Sure enough Monica told Jeff that she was going to "Throw it in the fire...It's no good, these aren't the droids you're looking for."

Back at Galang's camp Monica tried to stand up for her husband in light of the bad reputation he's developed as a bully.

"He's not just a dumb jock, he's a lawyer too,"which was good, because most people didn't realize that he was a lawyer in addition to being a dumb jock...As well as a stupid redneck.

At Tadhana's camp, Katie was dealing with an outbreak of leprosy, which was causing her toenails and skin to peel off.

Holy John Madden, somebody get Katie Collins some "tough actin' Tinactin!"

Or as Ciera said, "I feel like I can break her toes off. They're red, they're crusty, her toe nails are falling off."

Vytas was equally disgusted. "It's not something that I choose to look at, because it kind of sickens me a little bit, but I feel bad for the girl."

Vytas commented how Caleb could no longer be trusted after he went all "Sarah Palin" on the Five Guy Alliance at Tribal Council last week.

"I can read people pretty well, but I can't quite get a read on Caleb, 'this quiet woodsman from Alabama.'" Because his being gay doesn't factor into his mystery at all. 

Meanwhile, Caleb took a cue from his boyfriend Colton and started to get drunk with power over prospect of swinging both ways, which never really works out well in the end when it comes to Survivor or one's sexual orientation.

"I'm in a position to where I could swing with the girls, or I could swing with the guys. Do I feel powerful now? I think the word I've heard is 'Big Kahunas.'"

The Immunity Challenge was a series of one-on-one challenges where the competitors for each tribe had to slide down water slide, grab a ring, and toss it onto a pegged post, with the first tribe to win five battles winning Immunity, as well as steaks for dinner.

Vytas beat Aras in a battle of brothers, Caleb beat Tyson in a battle of gay men, and Hayden beat Gervase to give Tadhana's their first win of the season, sending Galang to Tribal Council.

Back at Galang's camp, Tyson gave thanks for what he was given in the game. "Let us praise God for the delicious fruits he puts on this planet for us to savor." Then after he got done talking about Aras, Tyson and the rest of the tribe drank some coconuts.

Realizing that she was on of the social totem pole in her tribe, Female Rupert tried to stir the pot by telling Kat that the other Galang women were all talking about her performance at the challenge.

And while Female Rupert seemed like the easy vote for Galang, Aras said, "Easy votes are often the dumbest votes in this game."

Of course, when Tyson was asked who he wanted to vote out, the self proclaimed best player in the game didn't hesitate to say, "Laura B" before enjoying a delicious buggar for dinner.

In the end, Laura M's back rubs not only probably got her divorced, but they were all for naught, as Aras got his way and she was voted to Redemption Island under the guise that she could potentially get rid of Brad in a puzzle challenge. 

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