Monday, July 25, 2011

BBB13 (Blogging Big Brother 13) - "Thank you America, I LOVE BEEF JERKY...USA! JERKY, JERKY, JERKY!"

Click here to get my most up to date Blogging Big Brother 13 posts
Finally, after two weeks, there were finally some personality conflicts in the Big Brother house that made some of the contestants feel a little uncomfortable. I'm not talking about the uncomfortable feeling that I get when I watch the Whoopi Goldberg television commercial where she openly talks about how she wets herself, but I'm talking about the uncomfortable tension that exists when two or more people with secret jealousies live together in close know, like every group of girls who ever decided to share a house or get an apartment together during college.

After she heard Cassi talking about how the "Newbies" had targeted Porsche for elimination, Rachel snapped, "some of us liked Porsche, and she's here now for a month!" After Rachel stormed out of the room, Rachel and Cassi had an awkward moment where they were alone together in the kitchen and neither said a word to each other, which was good because didn't have to hear: a) Cassi's brutal accent, or b) Rachel's squawky Kathy Griffin voice.

Rachel was later heard saying to Porsche about Cassi, "Like, she's so pretty, but then she's just not good at playing this game." Of course, when it came to lobbying her alliance, Rachel made it seem as if Cassi was the primary threat on the "Newbie" alliance for her game play (and not just her looks) by saying that she was "definitely coming after them."

Jordan picked up on the fact that Rachel was jealous of Cassi for her looks when she told her, "people are throwing you under the's because you're pretty, that's why." In the Diary Room Jordan proclaimed, "Rachel is jealous because Cassi is beautiful and Rachel likes to be the center of attention."

At the Have/Have Not competition, the competing duos were bound together in ant costumes and forced to find and bring back specific "crumbs of food." The competition ended up being so physically demanding that Kalia needed medical attention after being crushed by Lawon. She later declared, "I was...utterly cleared by a medic, and I'm sure I'll be back to all my antics ASAP," which is odd because Kalia's only antics until this point in the game have consisted of being utterly quiet and boring.

While Jordan nominated Dominic and Adam for eviction, a power struggle took place at the Power of Veto competition. That competition consisted of the contestants (competing as individuals and not duos) running back and forth across a balance beam while chewing gum, and then placing their chewed pieces of gum on a board in order to fill in a POV symbol. In the event that any of the contestants fell, they were given the opportunity to continue in return for eating nothing but slop for the next two weeks.

When Jordan fell and initially volunteered to take slop in order to continue, Jeff convinced her to drop out of the competition given that she was so far behind she could not have possibly come back to win. This caused Rachel to start making passive aggressive comments, which in turn triggered Jeff to shut her down by snapping, "I didn't appreciate your comments during the race." He went on to say, " Rachel is running wild with her comments. It's been a problem since the beginning, so someone has to set her straight." An embarrassed Rachel then ran off into the bushes where she cried in Brendon's arms, which is odd, because Brendon is normally the one left crying in her bush.

Sadly for me...I mean Cassi, Dominic won the Power of Veto and took Adam and himself off of the elimination block. While Jordan and Jeff discussed the possibility of back dooring Brendon and Rachel, they ultimately stuck with their alliance and nominated Cassi and Shelly as replacement nominees.

Cassi and Rachel had a final confrontation when Cassi tried to set their relationship straight, and Rachel over escalated the situation by blurting, "Your game play is horrible...why didn't you win HOH last week?" When Cassi calmly replied, "I tried," Rachel snarked, "but you didn't." Cassi then took Rachel down a notch by saying, "You're catty, you really are...I really pulled for you last season, I just want you to know that. I really was a fan of yours, and I was like, that's bullshit the way people treated her, and you come in here, and I get're a catty girl, ugly person inside.

Cassi's comment once again sent Rachel off in tears, who proclaimed, Cassi's like, so mean!" I will point out that I don't really think that Cassi really watched season 12 of Big Brother, as it was noted by her friend that she knew nothing of the show until she was recently approached to be on season 13 by a producer as she was sitting in a bar in Nashville. Ultimately, Cassi was eliminated in a unanimous vote, which is a shame because I was just starting to find her accent to be a little bit sexy (I also had a strong urge to take up fishing).

After Cassi left, the house guests participated in a Head of Household competition where they had to answer questions based upon how they thought America responded in a poll about their fellow house mates. The competition came down to Rachel and Brendon in the final two, with Rachel once again winning HOH. While I was upset to see Rachel win another HOH, at least Porsche was noticeably upset over America having voted that they would rather see Daniele wear nothing but a bikini for the rest of the summer than her.

Good news Cassi fans, she has apparently posed naked...but unlike Rachel's pictures, her's are totally classy

Big Brother 13 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 2:

11. Kalia - Alright, I've been calling Kalia out for not demonstrating any personality, but it looks like she actually had a knock-down drag-out fight with Jeff over homosexuality, which I guess Big Brother decided was too controversial to air. Nonetheless, Kalia is a floater, and while she may not be the next contestant to go home, she definitely won't be making it to the end without a major change in her game play.

10. Lawon - Lawon wants so badly to be the most quotable person in the house like Britney was on Big Brother 12, he just very seldom says anything very interesting that doesn't involve chocolate factories. It's almost like he's the Julie Chen of Big Brother contestants...only he's not always pregnant with Maury Povich's babies.

9. Adam - Props to Adam for naming his partnership with Dominic "PB and J," which is short for "Pretty Boy and Jew." I once heard a PB and J described as "an unholy union of food," which is a befitting description of Adam's relationship with Dominic.

8. Porsche - While Porsche assumed that she would step in and fill the role of "prettiest girl in the house" once Cassi was gone, sadly, that title now belongs to Brendon.

7. Shelly - I like how Shelly cried in the Diary Room about how she was torn-up about how she concealed betraying her alliance with Cassi and the other "Newbies" given how she raises her children not to lie and she wants to be a good role model for them on television, yet she still didn't come clean about it even though she had the chance. At least she felt bad about it, which makes her unlike most women.

6. Rachel - After Cassi was voted out Rachel stated, "You are the worst game player probably ever in Big Brother. To say I'm catty and I'm bitchy and I don't like girls, there's no truth, I just don't like you,"....which pretty much just proved Cassi's whole point.

5. Brendon - After Rachel and Cassi had their confrontation, Brendon tried to stand up for Rachel by starting an argument with Cassi (who's probably the most upfront player in the game) and calling her a liar. That simply proved that Brendon has the balls to call out a world class model, but not the Vegas call-girl that he calls his fiance.

4. Dominic - This week we saw an interview with Dominic's life-long female "best friend," who informed us that he is a home-schooled mama's boy who has never even slept away from home. She also noted how he "really understands women," and how he "acts" like he likes Dani. Translation - "Dominic's gay, I'm his hag, and he's totally leading Daniele on to try and get further in the game." In any event, aligning himself with Daniele was a good play, and I have to admit that this kid's game is pretty underrated by the other housemates.

3. Jeff - It was awesome to see Jeff go off on Rachel after she got bitchy with Jordan over her effort during the POV challenge. Jeff even suggested that Brendon "needs to do whatever he has to do - pet her ego, stroke her red hair,* bedazzle whatever she's wearing, and get her in check."
*(Editors note - In no way, shape or form has Rachel been certified as either a true or honorary red-head by The Red Mieni)

2. Jordan - Believe it or not, I have to admit that Jordan was pretty much the most level-headed and rational competitor in the game last week, which is almost as odd to me as typing something along the lines of Rachel being the prettiest girl in the house.

1. Daniele - Quietly, Daniele is controlling this game. She remains close to her original "Dynamic Duo" alliances, yet she has also formed a strong bond with Dominic to give her ties to the "Newbies" as well. Then again, Daniele is apparently good at crossing over, as she demonstrated by her relationship with fellow reality star Ozzy from Survivor.

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