Thursday, April 17, 2014

Blogging Survivor: Brawn vs. Brains vs. Beauty - "If any person in the world could decide, you know, to be ugly or cute, most would pick cute"

This week's Survivor began with Spencer pissed off that fellow Brain alliance member Kass flipped their Brains alliance.

Spencer snarked, "She'll go basically wherever her estrogen takes her, not where her brain takes her," which actually was a pretty accurate assumption.

On the other hand, Kass was pretty proud of herself for playing a key role in Sara's eviction.

"It's like I pulled off a hat trick on Survivor. I got rid of the girl that I wanted to get rid of, and two big lugs played their Idols."

Of course, Kass neglected to think about how she put a target on herself in the process of settling her score with Sarah. 

Then again, the way that all women end up hating each other when they live together, I doubt that Kass really even cared...She got her victory when Sarah couldn't even figure out who the person who blindsided her was.

While you would have thought that Kass would have been content with her rival Sarah out of the game, she quickly aimed her menstrual cycle straight at Morgan when she accused her of being mean to her. 

On the other hand, Morgan thought that her treatment of Kass was just par for the course. "I think she's been ignored and made fun of all her life, so she should be used to this."

Morgan then went on to show how she viewed herself.

"With Kass, I feel like she's just a bitter, ugly old lady, and this sounds really conceited, but I think she hates me just because I'm cuter than her."

Then again, pretty much everyone is cuter than Kass...Well, except Trish.

Of course, Morgan was forgetting that she was once much like Kass herself, at least before she found that guy who bought her those huge fake boobs and let her pluck her eyebrows until they turned into worms that lived under the surface of her forehead.

Morgan McLeod: Maybe her inability to forget her pre-plastic past was part of the problem.

The Reward Challenge divided the competitors into two teams where they had to run through a land/sea maze, retrieve a box full of puzzle pieces, pull those pieces over a wall, and then solve a puzzle.

LJ, Spencer, Morgan and Jeremiah ended up winning the reward, which turned out to be a feast from Outback Steakhouse, even though they were in the Philippines and not Australia.

And considering that I have to poop within minutes every time that I eat at an Outback that actually has a bathroom, I'm pretty sure than the winning team had some interesting moments in the jungle considering they hadn't had any real food in weeks.

When it was announced that there was a new Hidden Immunity Idol with "special powers" somewhere around camp, it set off a bevy of treasure seekers more frenzied than a bunch of meth heads near an abandoned building with copper wiring.

Of course, it was Spencer, who was still at the Outback feast, who got the clue to that Idol in his napkin.

However, Wu noticed how Spencer snuck off on his own after he arrived back at camp, so he secretly followed him.

And as the two crossed paths, Wu asked him if he was out on a walk. And when Wu noticed that Spencer had left his pants behind and tried to toss them back to him, his clue to the Idol fell out.

That caused Wu to take the clue and bolt with Spencer chasing after him in hot pursuit, which went to prove that even Asian dudes are faster than white guys. 

Arriving back at camp first, Wu shared the clue with the rest of his alliance, which set off yet another Easter egg hunt for the ages, if only the Easter Bunny pooped Immunity Idols instead of colored eggs.

Or as Tony said, "You know it's bad when Morgan, the girl that you can't tell if she's a pillow or a person...You know it's serious when she's up off her ass."

According to Tony, Morgan McLeod apparently only gets up off her ass when she's down on her knees.

However, despite everyone's best efforts to get a blow job from Morgan, Spencer still ended up finding the Idol first. Worse yet, Kass was standing right next to him when he found it, but was completely oblivious.

The Immunity Challenge required the competitors to stand on their toes while pressing a block on their head against a ceiling without dropping it, which was a clear advantage for all of the girls who wear high heals, and Tony.

Somehow Spencer manged to outlast Tasha after nearly two hours and won Immunity.

Full of piss and vinegar after helping to eliminate Sarah last week, Kass went on to brag how she practices law by "trial by ambush," which not only was a tactic last used by Perry Mason, but is something that 99.9% of all BAR Associations would consider unethical.

At Tribal Council, Kass put Morgan on the spot for her lack of effort around camp, which was something that she hardly tried to deny. 

"LJ and Jeremiah, they took real good care of us girls in the beginning, just like waking up with a full pot of rice, and I got used to it."

That caused Jeff Probst to ask, "I'm going to guess that you're sort of used to that back home too?"

Morgan not only affirmed Jeff's assumption, but she went on to make herself look like a total materialistic bitch.

"Absolutely, I'm used to things being easier for me, not having to work that hard to get things...If any person in the world could decide, you know, to be ugly or cute, most would pick cute."

Morgan McLeod chose cute over ugly the day she let some schmuck buy her fake boobs.

In the end, Kass held firm and did not re-join her former Brains alliance and voted out Morgan, who didn't even seem at all disappointed to be leaving the game.

And it wasn't because she seemed miserable, but more likely because it simply didn't mean anything to her after she was able expose her breasts...I mean get some exposure on national TV.

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