Thursday, December 13, 2012

Blogging Survivor: Philippines - "I'm considering making a really bad strategic play just for my morale. That's how bad of a human being Abi is"

The episode began with the contestants loved one's arriving to compete in the Reward Challenge.

Those arrivals included Carter and Abi's moms, Skupin's son, Denise's husband, Malcolm's brother, but not Lisa's husband, since he divorced her even though he was their church pastor.

She was instead reunited with her MUCH younger brother, to which Jeff Probst proclaimed, "I've gotta say Lisa, I've seen some pretty powerful moments involving loved ones, but this may be the tops."

Of course, Jeff may have conveniently forgotten about the classic moment where Kat realized that her cousin was there to see her, crawled on all fours to greet him while barking like a dog, and then excitedly peed on the ground when she got to him.

Kat Edmundson then proceeded to dry hump the bejesus out of her cousin, leaving no reasonable doubt in anyone's mind that the two of them weren't fucking...And yes, it was exactly as hot as it sounds.

Abi's mom greeted her daughter by telling her that she was too thin...

Which is something that Abi should enjoy while she can after looking at her genetics.

The Reward Challenge involved knocking down bars with muddy bag. That somehow left Skupin's son "bloody from here to here," to which his injury prone dad proclaimed, "That's my boy!"

Malcolm and his bother miles ended up winning the reward, and he elected to let Lisa and Skupid both spend some additional time with their loved ones around camp, while the others were sent home.

After watching Malcolm's brother Miles and listening to him talk about him, it's pretty clear that while one went to an Ivy League school, the other one was retarded.

While Lisa confided that she didn't think that God chose sides when it came to games like Survivor, she also hypocritically prayed to him or her that she would win.

It took Lisa's brother to convince her that playing the game was not about doing right and wrong, but about winning not matter who you screw over.

The Immunity Challenge involved walking a balance beam, fishing for puzzle bags with hooks, and swimming to shore and solving a puzzle.

Perhaps cementing her record as the worst competitor ever, Jeff Probst shouted that Abi was "taking as much time as she can to get into the water."

Malcolm ended up winning, giving him Personal Immunity for the week as well as a Hidden Immunity Idol...Putting him two ahead of Abi and her made up Idol that she kept threatening to play.

While Abi thought that she was making a masterful move, the others not only didn't believe her but they couldn't stand her, especially Malcolm.

"Nobody can stand having her around, she's a bitch...We're really considering getting rid of this angry, unsociable Brazilian girl over a really fit athletic guy. I'm considering making a really bad strategic decision just for my morale. That's how terrible of a human being Abi is. If Abi goes home tonight, it's because she's a bitch."

Unlike Abi Maria-Gomes, I always thought you were supposed to lose weight as the game of Survivor progressed to the end.

Perhaps the dumbest person to play Survivor since Leif, Carter had to be informed why he could no longer vote for Malcolm even though he won Immunity, asking "Why not?"

Not surprisingly, it was Carter who was voted out at Tribal Council, who complained that the remaining contestants were "playing with their heads and not their hearts."

Of course, that statement pretty much explained exactly why his naive ass was sent packing back to Kansas, where apparently playing strategically is apparently optional.

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