Thursday, May 16, 2013

Blogging SURVIVOR: Caramoan - ""I rarely leave my apartment. I rarely leave Twitter...This is the same guy that was afraid to take off his shirt the last time he played SURVIVOR""

After Corinne's surprising elimination, Phillip tried recruiting Sherri from the Fans by hitting on her and telling her that he thought she was hot.

And after assuring that she'd want absolutely nothing to do with him, he invited her into his "Spies r' Us" alliance and gave her the secret agent name Tenacity."

Wanting to keep their relationship purely physical, Sherri merely feigned interest in Phillip's offer.

"There's fake organizations, there's secret alliances, they're all crazy out here...I'm wholeheartedly in with the Fans"

At the Reward Challenge the contestants divided into two teams and play a game of water polo penalty shots, only with the shooter jumping off a dock and the goalie confined to a small platform on the water between the shooter and the goal.

As it turned out the game was probably more akin to soccer penalty kicks than water polo, as even the unathletic Cochran managed to score convincingly before a mosquito landed on his leg and he fell to the ground in agony.

The reward was a picnic lunch at the bottom of a waterfall that the winning team had to repel to get to, which Cochran did not initially seem too excited about winning.

"I rarely leave my apartment. I rarely leave Twitter...This is the same guy that was afraid to take off his shirt the last time he played SURVIVOR"

Cochran was also less than impressed with Reynold and Eddie's offer to form an all-male alliance.

"Reynold, Eddie and Michael must not know me too well if they are emphasizing the testosterone unity between us. 'We're men. We're men and we hate women, and we're gonna, you know, slap each other with towels in the locker room and chug beer.'  I don't want to be engaging in any kind of masculine tomfoolery with these numbskulls."

Malcolm seemed happy to lose the Reward Challenge, as he had free reign access to Dawn, the swing vote he needed to pull away from Phillip's alliance, since none of the other males could hit on her since they were all off on their reward picnic.

However, Dawn immediately ratted Malcolm out when he asked her to flip, firmly cementing her spot at the bottom of the Favorites Alliance.

...Sadly, that move still secured Dawn Meehan's ranking as the best Mormon to ever play the game of SURVIVOR.

Andrea and Eddie snuck off to a local lagoon to have sex, which caused Andrea to think they were dating...Just like every other skank he's taken home from "Karma" when he goes club hopping at the Jersey Shore.

The Immunity Challenge was an endurance competition where the contestants tried to remain in the water the longest with their faces pressed against a metal grate as the tide got higher and higher, like dying goldfish, only without the ceremony when they get flushed out to sea.

Ironically, former government spy Phillip could not survive the water boarding like torture, and was the first person to bow out.

Ultimately it was bikini model and former Miami Dolphin cheerleader Brenda Lowe who wound up winning Immunity.

Dawn asked Malcolm to have Reynold show her his Idol in order to go along with his plan to turn against the Favorites, all the while intending to screw them over.

Meanwhile, Reynold showed Dawn the Idol, but said "Don't screw me," warning that he'd play the Idol for himself in the event that he thought she was going to.

And even though that's exactly what Dawn intended to do, she still tried to play herself off as the victim.

"I can't stand people that intimidate other people...He looked over and said, 'If you burn me, you'll have Hell to pay,' and I feel like, shame on you."

And while Reynold is a giant douche, he made no mention whatsoever of Heaven or Hell, proving that Mormon's have to turn every conversation into a conversation about God, mountain bikes and handcrafted woodwork.

Andrea refused to fill her new boyfriend Eddie in on the Favorite Tribe's plans, at least until he told her that she might be the one targeted should they split their vote to flush out Reynold's Idol.

That sent Andrea into full scale panic mode, begging her alliance to change their vote to a safer and gayer target, Michael.

At Tribal Council, Phillip revealed that Sherri was his newest double agent in "Stealth r' Us," making her more "agent" and less "double."

Shit got real when Reynold got up to play his Immunity Idol.

That's when Malcolm told him, "Hold up a minute. They all voted for me...That's what (Phillip's) whole story was about. Give it to me, you're in good shape. I'm being dead serious right now."

Surprisingly, Reynold simply replied "Yeah," and then handed his Idol over to Malcolm, who unbeknownst to Reynold already had one of his own that he was able to save.

That immediately sent Reynold into Eric's level of stupidity in the SURVIVOR history, especially since Michael was the one the Favorites' voted out, all but wasting Reynold's Immunity Idol. 

...At least Corinne Kaplan finally got "a gay" to play with at the Jury House, whether Michael wished to be a participant in her hag fetish or not.

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