Oui Oui, Me Pee Pee

This week's show began with a black dress and heels "signature pose" photo shoot challenge. Tyra gave the models coaching and then let them see the first half of their digital photo frames before giving them more feedback and taking the second half of their frames. The weekly photo shoot also involved the models' self proclaimed signature poses, but in the context of a "Celebrity Award Show Disasters" theme. For example, Marjorie was asked to pose as if she had to pee but couldn't get out of her red carpet gown in order to do so. However, I didn't completely understand the concept of the shoot at first, so when she kept repeating (in her cute little French accent) what her assignment was, I took it to mean that SHE was the one who had to "Oui-Oui," when she really didn't. Which is good, because I don't like to think that supermodels ever.....well, go to the "TWA-let." I am a believer in "immaculate constipation."

Of course, the episode started off with some of the girls (Samantha, Elina, and I believe Lauren Brie) questioning whether Analeigh deserved to continue on the competition while sunbathing at the house. Don't say I didn't warn you. Since we are getting down to the end, here is brief analysis on each of the girls still in contention.

Marjorie (the double winner) - Marjorie (the French no longer blond girl) wins the initial "signature" photo shoot with her 'Hunch Back of Notre Dame" pose. After her initial feedback in which Tyra had her pull back on the hunchiness just a tad, Marjorie nailed it, causing Tyra to proclaim" she wrapped into a Hunch Back of Notre Dame bow and made it beautiful!" At the "Celebrity Award Show' themed photo shoot, Marjorie incorporated her signature "hunchback" pose in the aforementioned "I have to pee with my gown on" scenario. Her photos were complimented for both her elegant positioning, as well as her facial expression. In fact, she was so well received that Tyra proclaimed "J'adore how she is making a pee-pee!" Need I say anymore? Marjorie won both challenges and was the first model called this week.

Analeigh (on the way out" according to the other models) - Despite getting killed at the opening of the episode by the other girls for being a "figure skater" and not a "model," Analeigh completely nails her photo shoot as a "reporter with attitude." Maybe disinterest is just an easy pose to hit, but she did it and had the judges drooling. Her photo was called second this week.

Mckey (how the fuck is she still here?) - I think she is ugly, but she keeps taking pretty pictures. That pretty much sums it up.

Samantha (the 80's blond who is getting cocky and fat) - Despite a strong start to the competition and an initially bubbly personality, Sam has now taken her success too far and has started criticizing the other girls in confessionals. She also seems to have either gained a ton of weight because her face is swelling up like Liza Minelli trying to eat honey directly from a bees' nest. Somehow she pulls the number four photo in spite of comments like "not excited," "not excited," & she's "doing well." We'll have to wait and see if her success in this competition has any correlation to her swelling ego/weight gain.

Elina (her real tears look fake) - This poor little Russian girl actually cried real fucking tears during her photo shoot, only to be told that they did not look real on film. Damn, what does a Top Model have to do to get some love? Writing this caused me to search Youtube for a Flint Michigan oldie but goodie (okay, I was having problems remembering how to spell "tears,") but I came up with this so you can't make fun of me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeolH-kzx4c&NR=1 (for the original 1965 video go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrTnaPa9BaA&feature=related). Anyways, she managed to have her photo called fifth. Not only would I have ranked ? and the Mysterians (with bonus points for the old man belly blouse) higher, but I think Prince owes him some royalties for stealing his persona and idea to identify himself with a punctuation mark. For you historians out there, the original song title was "69 Tears," but the record label made them change it due to the sexual innuendo. The song was released in 1965, therefore confirming that the term "69" comes from the positioning, and NOT the year it was invented).

Joslyn (I got a Humpty-Hump nose) - Joslyn received fairly positive comments for her photos, causing her to break into tears at judging becasuse she always considered her nose "to be really big." I really can't say anything better than Humpty Hump did when he poetically noted in 1990:
"ladies, I'm really being sincere, because in the '69' my Humpty nose will tickle your rear." Anyways, here is the link to complete the Red Mieni's "trail of tears and rears:"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgohnTU9X0A

That brings us to the bottom two:

Sheena ("Whenever I think of Sheena, I think of boobs, butt and everthing just flying around everywhere, a/k/a the "hoochie." ((per Sam)) & Lauren Brie (I have a lot of friends!) - Sheena had been receiving props for toning down the 'hooch" and stepping up her model-esque presence, although her photos this week were not all that amazing according to the judges. On the otherhand, Lauren Brie (who I thought would win hands down) appears to have checked out mentally this week. Despite some of the best photos to date, she was criticized for her personality and inability to pose at both photo shoots this week. When she was ultimately told that she was going home for not having the right "personality," she could only respond by defensively proclaiming that she really is "fun and has a lot of friends back home!" Well, that didn't persuade the judges to change their minds', and Analeigh probably wouldn't agree with you anyway, so you best go get your stuff and leave.

Prediction, next week Joslyn goes home and Samantha gets another wakeup call.

Hit it Tyra: "Are you ready to be on top?"