BBB (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "but I was really hoping to come into the Jury House and find out that Rachel was pregnant"

Heading into the third stage of the final Head of Household competition between Hayden and Lane, Enzo realized that he could be in a position where he would be left out of the final outcome of the game despite founding the Brigade. While Hayden had a deal in place with Enzo to take each other to the final two, Hayden worried about how Enzo's social game would play before the jury even though he did not perform well in competitions. Lane was leaning towards taking Enzo with him in the final two, but Hayden ended up winning HOH and ended up taking Lane. While Enzo was clearly disappointed that Hayden did not choose him, he handled being evicted with class telling Julie Chen, "I had such a great speech for the finale if I would have got there. It just didn't happen."

Back at the Jury House Britney arrived and informed everyone about how they had been played by the secret Brigade alliance. Rachel stated how she didn't see the Brigade's strategic plan, to which Britney responded, "The fact of the matter is for the first time in Big Brother history an undercover alliance made it to the final three intact." And just when you least expect to hear from the big dumb guy, Brendon quipped to Matt, "I thought it was four, what happened? ZING!!!," which put an end to Matt's bogus claim that he was the one who came up with the idea to form the Brigade once and for all.

The winner of Big Brother 12 really came down to the Jury Members live interrogation of Hayden and Enzo before the final vote. Specifically, Enzo put Lane on the spot and asked him if he really intended to take him to the final two in the event that he had won Head of Household as he had promised him. Apparently not wanting to offend Hayden (with whom Lane was directly competing against), Lane sidestepped the question and would not give Enzo a direct response. I don't know if the big man was drunk off of Natty Light or muscle milk, but Enzo was looking for a reason to vote for Lane after getting betrayed by Hayden. In an unrelated note (at least as far as Lane thinks), Hayden was crowned winner of Big Brother 12 in a 4-3 vote with Enzo casting the deciding vote in Hayden's favor.

Here are some final quotes from the house guests at the reunion:

-Lane on Matt lying about his wife having a substantial illness: "Make up a lie about your dog...don't make up a lie about your wife." (As a sidenote, Britney clapped in approval over this statement, not aware that Lane had compared her eviction last week to losing a good dog).

-Enzo, on Lane having acknowledging that he would have taken Britney (whom he has a crush on) with him to the final two over a fellow Brigade member: "That's why I won that POV, I had to win that POV because I knew...he was in deep, I knew he was in deep."

-Rachel on continuing her relationship with Brendon in Las Angeles over the possibility of staying in Las Vegas after the show: "I'll PROBABLY move to UCLA." (That wasn't exactly a firm commitment now, was it?).

-Britney on Rachel proclaiming that she might leave Las Vegas to live with Brendon: (caught mouthing by the cameras) "I'm - disgusted!"

As I expected, Britney won $25,000 for winning the vote as America's Favorite House Guest. I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that we'll be seeing Britney in the future hosting some sort of television show like ET Tonight or even her own program on a network like E!, while Brendon watches in horror as Rachel stays in Las Vegas and goes on to pose in magazine like Hustler, Shaved or Playgirl.

And for the record, it was revealed that none of the Big Brother house guests previously knew each other coming into the house as had been rumored by the Saboteur. Anyway, see ya next summer bitches - WOO TEQUILA!

BBB12 (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "This is like a Texas bar fight...you wake up the next morning and your testicles hurt"

Last week we saw the four rather close knit contestants who remained in the house forced with the task of dwindling their group down to the final three. With Lane and Britney up for nomination, Britney lobbied Hayden to stay in the game by noting that she'd be a wise choice to take to the final two because she has plenty of enemies on the jury. She also had a plan in place with Brigade member Lane to eliminate Enzo from the game in the event that either of them won the Power of Veto given that the holder of that privilege would have been the sole member in the house with a vote to determine who got eliminated.

Unfortunately for Britney and Lane, Hayden won the Power of Veto. That forced Lane to run back to the Brigade with his tail between his legs as if he he had never planned to defect. Much to Lane's chagrin Enzo and Hayden decided to tell Britney about the Brigade alliance out of respect for her game and friendship so she would know why precisely she was being evicted in advance instead of being surprised. This did not go over well with pageant queen Britney, who broke down in tears due Lane having played her in developing a side alliance with her. Seeing Britney cry was obviously Lane's "Grinch gone good moment," as he responded in confessional by stating, "To see Britney hurt that bad was like one of my good dogs died - it crushed me." By that logic Rachel's eviction was akin to the emotion that Lane felt after he was forced to drown a golden retriever that he once owned because it was mentally challenged and ravaged by doggie herpes. 
P.S., all people from Texas are fucking idiots. And yes, that means you too Mathew MacConaughey.

Given time to accept the Brigade alliance, Britney ultimately made amends with Lane, Hayden and Enzo before leaving the house. Enzo even went as far to say to her at the Eviction Ceremony, "We definitely felt the respect to tell you about the BG this week so there was no playing games. We wanted to be dead up and honest with you. If Nick (Britney's fiance back home) wants to punch me in the face after this, he definitely can. I'll give him one shot - and that's it." Britney then moved on to her post eviction interview with Julie Chen. When reminded that she was off to the Jury House where she'd be reunited with rival Rachel, Britney made a bitter beer face and exclaimed, "OH GOD!"

Hayden, Lane and Enzo proceeded to the three part competition to see who would win the ever important final Head of Household. The first part was an endurance challenge where they had to endure pouring water as they were slammed back and forth into two walls lined with mattresses. Weak in physical challenges, Enzo quickly dropped out and fixed himself some pizza and soup as he watched Hayden and Lane wear themselves down. That turned out to be an epic battle that Lane compared to "a Texas bar fight, you get slammed from wall to wall, people pour alcohol (and) water on your head, and you wake up the next morning and your testicles hurt." Strangely, if you replace the word "hurt" in that analogy with "have warts on them," you just nailed Brendon's quote after his first night in bed with Rachel.

Hayden won stage one of the HOH competition shortly after Lane proclaimed, "I just ripped my whole ass!" This gave Hayden a free pass to the third and final stage of the HOH Competition against the winner of stage two in order to decide the final Head of Household. Lane ended up winning stage two by defeating Enzo in a contest to identify morphed photos of two Big Brother 12 housemates, pitting him against Hayden.

Back in the Jury House Matt informed his close friend Ragan that he had lied to the house about his wife having a serious illness. Much like Kathy Ragan was hurt, and he stopped speaking to Matt. Ragan also continued his verbal assault on Rachel. When she took exception to his assertion that she played a poor social game in BB12 Ragan stated, "You're right, the problem was with everyone else and not you. It was just magic that when you left the house that people stopped arguing."

Finally, we got to see some previously unseen clips in a boring recap episode last Sunday. Matt showed his freaky side in response to a clip of Kristen eating a spider on a dare when she was in the house by stating, "Level 1 - a chick eating a spider is awesome! Level 2 - a good looking chick eating a spider, super awesome! Level 3 - a good looking chick eating a spider totally unprovoked, that is the coolest thing in the world, they don't make chicks like that where I come from!" Somehow I think Matt and former Brigade alliance member Lane are going to end up getting a reality show road tripping to bars and strip clubs across the country so they can fight the boyfriends of hot girls and explore their deepest inner fetishes...which is a show that will end with either a kiss or an awkward touch in a cheap hotel room in a muscle milk, beer and spider venom induced haze.

Big Brother 12 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 9:

The Power Ratings are too close to call at this point, as they will come down to who wins the third and final stage of the Head of Household Competition between Hayden and Lane (to be revealed in the final episode). Hayden is the strongest competitor, and that could cause Lane to take Enzo with him to the final two in the event that he wins HOH. Enzo also has an agreement with Hayden to take each other to the final two, so he might not be in that bad of a position even though he is out of the running for the final HOH. With Enzo playing a strong social game and having come up with the idea to form the Brigade on day two, I wouldn't be surprised if he is the one who ends up winning BB12. I also like Britney to win the prize for America's Favorite House Guest that is determined via a public vote in a landslide.

BBB12 (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "It's like Oprah's book club, only it's all about sexually transmitted diseases"

With Ragan and Enzo nominated for eviction it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that Ragan would be going home this week unless he won the Power of Veto. The real story was establishing the pecking order of the remaining members of the Brigade alliance (Hayden, Enzo and Lane) heading into the final four.

Because Lane surprisingly put Enzo up for nomination instead of Britney, the Brigade began to question his loyalty. When Enzo won the POV and Lane yet again screwed over the Brigade by replacing him with Hayden and not Britney it caused Hayden to comment, "This is the second time Lane has nominated a Brigade member when he could have put up Britney - NOT COOL DUDE!...What the hell are you thinking?"

As expected, Ragan was evicted in a unanimous vote. With Ragan harboring no ill will towards those who voted him out of the house, Britney consoled him by stating, "I'm sorry you have to go to the Jury House and listen to Rachel's disgusting cackle," which she did a dead on impression of in off the air footage posted on the CBS website:

 

Speaking of the Jury House, we were treated to Brendon's reunion with Rachel as he entered the Jury House. While Rachel stated, "I want to be excited to see him, and I love him, and I want to jump on him and kiss him," she instead only managed to issue a subdued, "Yay - I'm glad to see you" without so much as even going over to embrace him as he entered the room. Matt revealed to the other jury members that his wife did not really have a serious bone disease as he lead them to believe, which earned him a scolding from cancer survivor Kathy when she said, "I don't care if it's for a million dollars, that is sick. It disgusts me!" Even Rachel called Matt "the most horrible person I've ever met" and "worse than evil," which is kind of like getting called disloyal by Sarah Palin.

At this point it's obvious that Hayden is aligned with Enzo and that Lane has re-aligned with Britney, although much to Lane's chagrin there's a better chance for a hookup between Hayden and Enzo than there is for Lane and Britney. Hayden ended up winning the Head of Household competition, although Lane and Britney could still evict Enzo if either one of the two wins the Power of Veto since the only house guest voting this week will be the one who is off of the eviction block.

Big Brother 12 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 8:

4. Britney - (previously #4) While Hayden and Enzo have at least discussed targeting fellow Brigade alliance member Lane for eviction instead of Britney, she will most likely have to win the POV in order to avoid leaving the house. I'm hoping that Britney finds a way to stay as I'd miss quotes like, "The slide was slippery, I don't usually go sliding on KY Jelly - believe it or not." She made that statement in reference to the Power of Veto challenge where the housemates had to go up and down a greased slide and bring back cards that they found to a show tune singing clam that Britney said "looks like he enjoys tap dancing lessons and playing the piano," and that Lane claimed looked like the Hamburglar (although I think he really meant Mayor McCheese). From the way that Britney and Lane described the Veto Challenge it sounds like it was exactly the way I envisioned the fine art scene in the greater Texarkana region...well either that or an episode of the TV show Glee, right down to the KY Jelly.

3. Lane - (previously #3) Lane totally got worked over by Britney again this week, as he let her convince him to put his alliance members up for nomination instead of her. While Lane keeps saying that his best chance of winning is by taking Britney with him to the final two, that's simply his way of justifying keeping her in the game since he has a crush on her. Britney has clearly outplayed Lane strategically and would probably beat him in the jury vote. Now Lane's loyalty is being questioned by Brigade alliance members Enzo and Hayden, which means that he's going to need to win some challenges just to make it to the end. Obviously, we've not been seeing the most brilliant strategy of late from Lane, but what do you expect from someone who summed up his odds of winning by stating, "I'm in the final four. I have a one out of - what is that - three chances or four? I get mixed up, do I count myself? Because I can beat myself, so do I count myself?" I think Hayden said it best when he stated, "Everything is big in Texas - except Lane's brain."

2. Enzo - (previously #2) Enzo's along for the ride with Hayden. While he can take credit for forming and naming the Brigade alliance, Hayden has been the strongest competitor in the game in terms of challenges. I don't necessarily agree with Enzo's proclamation that the Brigade is the strongest alliance in Big Brother history. Yeah, it's gotten them this far, but I'm still shocked that only one or maybe two housemates at best were able to sniff out and target an alliance that didn't even disguise the fact that they were spending all of their time hanging out together. Strategically this has to be the worst played game in Big Brother history, which kind of makes sense since there weren't as many creepy old people who like to strategize as there were in the past like "Evel Dick," "Mike Boogie" and Jerry.

1. Hayden - (previously #1) Hayden appears to be be in complete control of the game right now. Not only is he Head of Household, but he's been working Enzo, Lane and Britney to ensure that whoever escapes eviction would be willing to take him to the final two. Hayden wisely put Lane up for eviction against Britney, who was secretly planning to break off from the Brigade and evict Enzo if Hayden entrusted him with the sole vote to evict.

BBB12 (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "Do you think I have the brainpower to do that? I can barely talk to you and lift"

With Britney having put up Brendon and Enzo for eviction, Brendon was forced to win the Power of Veto to stay in the house. Brendon, still dealing with Rachel's eviction, put on a sleeping blindfold and said the following out loud:

"It's just so hard when you feel like the whole house is against you. It was a little easier when I had you. Now it's just me, but I can win competitions. I can do it. I love you and I miss you."

Enzo uncomfortably walked in on Brendon going Debbie Boone and talking about how Rachel lights up his life. Apparently his unholy prayer to devil child Rachel worked, as Brendon won the POV through earning points by agreeing to shave his head and giving up other household amenities. As Brendon said, "What is three weeks as a "have not" when I can spend the rest of my life with (drum roll)....half a million dollars." Holy shit! Rachel has only been out of the house for 2 weeks and Brendon's penis is slowly starting to grow back!


(Did Debbie Boone write this song about her relationship w/God or Brendon's relationship w/Rachel?)

With Brendon safe, Hayden lead a movement to backdoor Matt. Britney was initially cold to that idea, but when Matt lobbied her to put his purported best friend Ragan up as a replacement nominee she went along with the Brigade's wishes due to her lack of trust in Matt. Britney also opened Pandora's Box in order to receive some advice from a former contestant. Britney chose door number 3, which turned out to be a zonk as she was forced to watch the other housemates have a luau as she was locked in a room with all time Big Brother d-bag Jessie, a/k/a "Mr. Rectacular,"* who gave her tips on body building and not game strategy. Britney's response - "Oh my God, kill me!"

*Gerald, that link was especially for you!

After Matt was evicted by a unanimous 4-0 vote it was announced to the house that this week would be a double eviction. Hayden won HOH and was immediately forced to put two housemates on the block. His choices were Brendon and Ragan, with the Brigade targeting Ragan for eviction since he had figured out their alliance by virtue of Enzo having blurted out how he and Hayden had decided to split their eviction votes when Matt and Lane were on the block. While Britney was put up as a replacement nominee, she was smart enough to quickly lobby Enzo for his vote, and Brendon was unanimously evicted.

Big Brother 12 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 7:

5. Ragan - (previously #4) Ragan has to win the Power of Veto or he's going to the jury house, which could be his worst nightmare since earlier in the week he worried, "I'm mortified because I'm thinking, oh my God, in the Jury House they've cloned Rachel," which sounds just like that movie Michael Keaton made, only with tequila and herpes instead of pizza.

4. Britney - (previously #3) Britney may have come about as far as she can go unless she wins Head of Household next week, but she's definitely working Lane to the best of her God given abilities. And when I say "God given," I mean from a plastic surgeon. First Britney threatened Lane, "If you are really in an alliance with somebody else and you're just playing me for a fool and I see that I'm going to kill you." Lane's response, "Do you think I have the brainpower to do that? I can barely talk to you and lift." She went on to chastise Lane for even considering putting her up as a pawn against Ragan instead of Hayden, his secret alliance member...

3. Lane - (previously #2) ....And by the power of boobs - Lane nominated his alliance member Hayden for eviction instead of Britney. Keep in mind that Lane is aware of the fact that Britney happens to have a fiance back home. At least we know that Lane doesn't actually need the $500k grand prize since Britney blabbed to the house that he already has money by virtue of a token job with his family's oil business. By now I'm starting to think that the only dudes who didn't get played by a girl in BB12 were Enzo and Rachel.

2. Enzo - (previously #6) Enzo was once again nominated, this time as a pawn to go up against Ragan. With a vote from Hayden to stay in the house definitely in his favor, Britney has no choice but to vote the same way and secure Enzo's spot in the Final Four since Lane holds the tie-breaking vote as Head of Household.

1. Hayden - (previously #1) Hayden was the driving force in the bold move to vote out alliance member Matt, who he noted, "thinks he owns this place." Unless Lane breaks off from the Brigade to join Britney and Ragan, that move could be the deciding factor in winning the game.

BBB12 (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "I'm back bitches!" (silicon, nasty hair extensions, with just a shot of chin acne)

So last week someone from Pikeville, TN arrived at my last BBB post from the Google search, "eleven year old girls budding nipples photos." Even more disturbing, that person liked my blog enough to to click on a couple of my other posts before drifting back into cyberspace in his quest for prepubescent boobs. Needless to say I immediately edited my post from last week to take out my reference to the word "nipples," even though it only referred to Matt's propensity to wear a zipped down hoodie with no t-shirt underneath. In any event, congratulations to The Red Mieni for hitting a new low. WOOO - TEQUILA!

Last week Lane and Ragan were nominated by Brendon for eviction. Ragan won the Power of Veto, and Brendon confidently replaced him on the nomination block with Matt. For all intents and purposes Hayden and Enzo informed Matt that they were going to vote him out in favor of Lane not knowing that he was safe by virtue of holding the secret Diamond Power of Veto, which pretty much dissolved the Brigade alliance. Being able to save himself from the nomination block AND choose his replacement Matt put up Kathy, who went home in a unanimous vote. By staying in the house Ragan successfully completed his stint as the Saboteur and won $20,000. Britney won Head of Household and promptly broke her promise to Brendon from the previous week by putting him up for nomination along with Enzo.

The real highlight of the week was the aftermath of Brendon opening Pandora's Box. Brendon thought he was receiving a 24 hour trip out of the Big Brother House to spend time with evicted girlfriend Rachel, when in actuality she was sent back into the house to stir things up while he was spending a romantic night alone (which would have been Lane's dream date). Rachel, thinking she would be the one making life difficult for the housemates who evicted her, stormed into the house by shouting "HA, HA, HA, I'M BACK BITCHES!...SOMEBODY OPENED PANDORA'S BOX AND NOW YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME FOR 24 HOURS!"

Rachel then decided to verbally harass Ragan, which turned out to be one of the worst ideas since Robin Ventura decided to charge the mound against Nolan Ryan. While Rachel instigated the confrontation, Ragan gave her a chance to back off by calmly asking her to leave him alone. He then proceeded to rip her a new one when she refused to do so. Not only was Ragan's verbal undressing of Rachel was one of the great moments in the history of reality television, but it clearly stripped her of any last bit of self esteem that she may have retained after years of whoring herself out to guys who take Vin Diesel movies just a little too seriously.

Big Brother 12 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 6:

7. Brendon - (previously #6) Brendon on Britney putting him up for nomination, "There will be dire consequences. I promise I will put her up next week and I will send her home." Ummm...not unless you win Power of Veto to save yourself from going home this week, win Head of Household next week, AND convince three of the other five housemates who currently hate you to vote in favor of your personal vendetta. Brendon, it was nice knowing you buddy. At least in the Jury House there is an outside chance that Rachel will let you have some visitation time with your nuts.

6. Enzo - (previously #1) With Matt leaving the Brigade the game is wide open. While the obvious choice for the house would be to use Enzo as a pawn and send Brendon home, Enzo could be in danger if Matt, Ragan and Britney align. While Hayden and Lane will obviously vote to keep Enzo, Matt and Ragan could vote to keep Brendon, who at this point is powerless in the house. In that case there would be a tie vote, and as Head of Household Britney would control the deciding vote and possibly send Enzo home, thereby shifting the balance of power in the house.

5. Matt - (previously #3) It looks like Matt has officially bailed on the Brigade. If he doesn't make amends with Hayden and Enzo (who told him they were going to evict him before they learned he had the secret Diamond Power of Veto), he needs to pull Ragan and Britney together pronto. Leaving Enzo in the house while he has the opportunity to evict him this week could be a big mistake for Matt. Let's see if the self proclaimed Diabolical Super Genius can figure this one out.

4. Ragan - (previously # 8) Here are some of the highlights from the Rachel's attempt to verbally attack Ragan upon her re-entry to the house for 24 hours last week:

Rachel: "I'm in the jury so you have to be nice to me."
Ragan: "No, I don't"
Rachel: "Yeah, you do."
Ragan: "I would take it as an honor if you didn't vote for me if I was in the final three, and I'm not shocked (on Rachel's temporary return to the house), I'm disgusted."

Ragan: "Why don't you get us a drink Ra-tress."
Rachel: (with her man jaw agape) "Ra-tress? Are you kidding me right now?" Do you have to be the biggest bitch because you're gay?"
Ragan: No Rachel, I'm not a big bitch because I'm gay, I'm a big bitch because you're an absolute monster."

Ragan: "Everything about you is a lie. Your boobs are a lie, your face is a lie. The only thing honest about you is the pimples on your chin."

Ragan: "You're here for a limited time because your boyfriend opened Pandora's Box and unleashed something horrible on the house."

Ragan: "Talking to you is like talking to the most vile devil child in the world and I'm done with it baby, because I'm done with you, because your game in this house is over."

I'm not exactly sure if it was a tear or semen running off of Rachel's slack jawed chin as she was left unable to respond to Ragan's verbal tsunami, but either way it was a beautiful way to remember her as she left the house. RIP bitch.

3. Lane - (previously #2) Lane could just as easily be number 5 this week with the balance of power in the Big Brother House in flux. At this point it is clear that Lane has a crush on Britney. He even made the comment, "Britney looked absolutely banging. If she was at a bar I would quickly find her, knock her boyfriend out, and buy her a drink." Note to Lane - you are one of seven people stuck in a house with Britney, her fiance is not one of them, and the drinks are presumably free. Bench pressing your weight and beating dudes up is awesome and all, but don't lose sight of the forest through the trees big man.

2. Britney - (previously #7) As Head of Household she's safe for this week, which is better than anyone else can say until the house realigns after the demise of the Brigade. Big Brother went as far as to interview Britney and Lane's mothers about their "relationship." Strangely, Britney's mom indicated that she would support her daughter no matter what her choice was, which is not exactly a vote of confidence for Britney's fiance given that her daughter has shown no sign whatsoever of having any interest in Lane beyond a platonic friendship. On the other hand, Lane's mom indicated that while she liked Britney, she still fully supports Lane's pre-existing relationship with his hand (and no, I'm not letting that one die anytime soon - especially so long as Lane continues to have a crush on Britney).

1. Hayden - (previously #2) Even without Matt the remaining Brigade members still hold the strongest alliance in the house. Unfortunately, Enzo is up for eviction and won't be eligible to vote this week unless he wins the Power of Veto. Even if Enzo gets voted out I can see the alliance formerly known as the Brigade bringing Brendon into the mix since his biggest issues thus far have been with Matt, Britney and Ragan.

BBB12 (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "I vote to evict tequila, vomit and $100 bills"

With the Brendon and Rachel up for nomination, Brendon took it upon himself to confront the other housemates hoping that by verbally confronting them they would evict him instead of his girlfriend. Brendon's logic for doing so was straight out of a fairy tale, "I told you I'm going to protect you, that's what a knight does." Maybe it's just me, but a physicist should know better than to give up a chance at $500,000 in order to pretend that he's at a Renaissance Fair, especially when the modern day princess that he is trying to protect was given the moniker, "tequila, vomit and $100 bills" by somebody from Arkansas of all places.

In spite of Brendon's master plan to turn the house against him in order to protect the future mother of his children (yes, he actually announced this on national TV after knowing her for all of a month), the Brigade alliance decided that Rachel was a bigger overall threat than Brendon, who still poses a threat in physical challenges. Of course the Head of Household Competition turned out to be physical in nature, and Brendon easily defeated all of the other housemates. In terms of strategy, this has to be the slowest house in Big Brother history, and keep in mind that a previous winner of Big Brother Africa actually won the Jury's final vote over a contestant that he sexually assaulted. I guess that means Lane still has a chance of winning even after he sexually assaulted himself (click the link in Lane's Power Rating to get the joke).

I should note that before the Eviction Ceremony the Saboteur, a/k/a Ragan, sent the house a message suggesting that the person voted out might not not actually be leaving the house. Sure enough, Julie Chen hinted the same to Rachel in their interview her following her eviction. Are you serious CBS? First you cancelled Ghost Whisperer, then you let Annie walk out of the Big Brother house after she bothched her job as the Saboteur, and now you're going to tell me that you're letting Rachel back in the game of all people? At the very least CBS owes me Ghost Whisperer re-runs, preferably on Friday nights.

This brings me to one of my reality show pet peeves - if a show is going to have a "twist" that saves an eliminated contestant, then the show needs to let the viewing audience know what the twist is and when it is going to occur in advance of it actually happening. That way we don't feel like the producers are making up rules as they go along in order to keep certain people around to stir up drama and generate higher ratings. (The only exception to this rule is for any past or future season of Paradise Hotel, in which it is mandatory that the eliminated contestants come back in order to make the lives of those who evicted them miserable).

Big Brother 12 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 5:

8. Ragan - (previously #6) - So college professor Ragan attempted to make grad student Brendon look stupid by calling him a "ne-an-dra-thal," which Brendon quickly reminded him was pronounced "ne-an-der-thal." Let's score this one for the pupil over the teacher. Ragan is in trouble because Enzo and Hayden have identified him as a target in order to separate him from Matt, with whom they're afraid he has a side alliance.

7. Britney - (previously #5) While she was not nominated for eviction, her run-in with Brendon last week makes her a target to get back doored, especially with Lane being safe via the Brigade alliance. Hopefully she doesn't leave, as I'd miss comments like the one she made to Rachel in her eviction message when she said, "The thing I'm going to miss about you Rachel is your hair extensions. I'm going to miss putting them on and getting to be the new Rachel - 'WHO WANTS TO SEE ME GO TO THE JURY HOUSE? WOO-TEQUILA!!;" as well as, "He (Brendon) has the worst sportsmanship I have ever seen, and I played 5th grade basketball." Even if Britney does stick around this week, Enzo and Hayden are targeting her in order to break up her side alliance with Lane. Accordingly, Britney needs to do something major to shake the game up, like convincing Lane to break away from the Brigade and joining her in an alliance with Brendon, Ragan and Kathy.

6. Brendon - (previously #8) Brendon's really only safe for the rest of this week as Head of Household, although he could be getting Rachel back next week if Pandora's Box allows her to return to the house. At this point I'd almost rather have Rachel back in the game than to have to listen to Brendon proclaim his love for someone he met a few weeks earlier on a reality show. For example, Brendon said that he "would take a bullet for her, and I think that she will love me for it," and (on his HOH victory) "that's what happens when you evict somebody you love guys." At this point I'm starting to think that Brendon might be the first documentable case of a dude with daddy issues. A year from now he'll be dancing at a peep-show for shots of tequila and $2 bills as Rachel verbally assaults him for not shaking it hard enough.

5. Kathy - (previously #7) As a weaker player Kathy is not really being targeted at this time since she poses no threat. I give her props for standing up to Rachel and refusing to apologize for yelling "WOO!" after defeating her in the Power of Veto competition, especially since Rachel only challenged her since she thought she would beat her.

4. Lane - (previously # 2) Lane's response to Enzo telling him that Brendon was thinking of putting him up for eviction along with Britney: "I wanted to go to a bar, find the hottest girl there, and (drum roll)....fight her boyfriend!" OK Lane, you had me through "find the hottest girl there," then we clearly have a difference in philosophy (my philosophy would have been to creepily stare at the hottest girl in the bar without speaking to her until she eventually got uncomfortable and left). Then again, who needs actual interaction with a hot girl when you have a perfectly good shower and an alliance member to watch your back in order to make sure you don't get caught rubbing one out on camera. Being that he's from Texas I don't know whether to say he hooked his horn, freed his horny toad, or rang that bell.

3. Matt - (previously #4) Matt continues to wear a hoodie without an undershirt zipped down to his belly. Note to Matt, while some people can pull off wearing tops zipped down to their belly buttons, you are NOT one of those people.

2. Hayden - (previously #3) Hayden made a major game play along with Enzo by reaching out to Brendon and forming a secret side alliance. Whether Matt and Lane realize it yet or not, Hayden and Enzo have clearly demoted them to # 3 and 4 in the Brigade alliance.

1. Enzo - (previously #1) While Enzo hoped to convince Brendon to target Ragan and Britney for nomination in order to break up Matt and Lane's side alliances with Ragan and Britney, Brendon ended up nominating Ragan and Lane instead. In any event, Enzo is safe, and his alliance should have the votes to keep Lane in the game regardless of what happens in the POV, especially since Matt has the Diamond Power of Veto at his disposal.

BBB12 (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "It shot directly into my mouth - my whole face is covered"

Here are some excerpts from lovebirds Brendon and Rachel. I'll leave up to you to predict how this showmance is going to play out once the show is over, but keep in mind that Rachel is a VIP cocktail waitress in Las Vegas who has joked that she scams men for a living:

Brendon: I love you.
Rachel: Brendon, stop it.

Brendon: Can I tell you that I love you very much?
Rachel: I don't know why you doubt me so much.

Brendon: I wouldn't have said I love you if I didn't feel that.
Rachel: You better start separating how you're acting toward me or it won't be a relationship.

Brendon: I love you, I do, and I want to be with you.
Rachel: (hugs Brendon coldly while rolling her eyes on camera).

Going back to last week, that brings us to a total of five unreciprocated "I love yous" from Brendon to Rachel. Even if the two attempt to have a relationship outside of the house, I can't see it lasting past the day Brendon finds out her bikini model gig was for High Speed Magazine. That's kind of like finding out your new girlfriend used to date a guy who wore nothing but Ed Hardy shirts by Christian Audigier - it's a total deal breaker.

With Hayden and Kristen up for nomination, Britney won the Power of Veto competition. However, winning did not necessarily grant her the Power of Veto, as she had the choice of keeping a randomly selected prize/booby prize or trading it to another housemate for a prize that they had received. With Britney having drawn the punishment of solitary confinement for finishing first, she chose to trade it to Hayden for the Power of Veto, which he took from his girlfriend Kristen while passing her the tie-dyed spandex "hippie-tard."

Hayden and and Kristen almost secured a deal where Britney would have used the Power of Veto contingent upon Rachel agreeing to put Kathy up as a replacement nominee. While they offered Rachel and Brendon the prospect of a "Super Alliance" in return (a promise that Hayden and Kristen fully intended to break), Rachel backed out at the last moment by indicating that she intended to put Lane up in the event that a replacement nominee was needed.

With Rachel and Brendon outside, Britney and Matt went into the Head of Household room and put on Rachel's red hair extensions (Editors Note: The Red Mieni does not endorse fake red hair in any shape, form or fashion). Rachel walked into the room as Britney was in the middle of an unflattering impersonation. However, Rachel failed to grasp the fact that they were making fun of her, and she even told Julie Chen during evictions that she saw Britney as a potential alliance member.

Kristen was the first housemate to pick up on the Brigade alliance after becoming suspicious when Hayden told her that he didn't care if she campaigned against him. However, Kristen was eliminated by a 6-1 vote when she was unsuccessful in her attempts to warn the house about that potential alliance. With Kristen having been the unofficial 5th wheel in the Brigade, I think it's only fair that she gets a cool nickname. I'm going with The Back Door. It was also revealed that Kristen actually entered the house with a boyfriend. CBS was kind enough to show a clip of his reaction to Kristen hooking up with Hayden as he was watching with a group of her friends back home. Luckily he was from Philadelphia and not Cleveland, or else CBS might have had to edit out a suicide after having to endure yet another on air heartbreak.

Matt won Head of Household in an endurance competition where the castmates were spun around and splattered with blasts of paint, causing Britney to comment, "It shot directly in my mouth, my face is covered, but there is a huge blob right over my mouth." Now how the hell am I supposed to write anything else after hearing her say that?

As Head of Household Matt elected to open Pandora's Box and received the Diamond Power of Veto, which allows him to veto any nomination AND choose the replacement nominee once in the next two weeks. Apparently his decision to do so unleashed a new Saboteur into the house, as Ragan accepted the viewing audience's invitation and a chance to win $20,000 if he successfully completes three sabotages over the next two weeks without getting voted out. Matt nominated Rachel and Brendon for nomination, and Rachel alienated herself from the house further when she falsely accused Matt and Ragan of being in an alliance together, causing Ragan to call her out.

Big Brother 12 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 4:

9. Rachel - (previously #8) - All season I've felt like Rachel reminded me of someone. I just couldn't tell if it was based upon the way she looked or her annoying voice. Then out of nowhere I figured it out, Rachel is Kathy Griffin's long lost daughter....you know, before Kathy Griffin and Rachel both grew penises.

8. Brendon - (previously #7) Brendon probably blew any shot he had at winning the game when he disregarded Kristen's plea to vote out Hayden based upon her suspicion that he was in an alliance with Lane, Enzo and Matt. Brendon accused Kristen of making the whole story up and voted against her. Of course, this is the same Brendon who has convinced himself that Rachel actually loves him back. Note to Brendon, if you have to repeatedly apologize to your girl for trying your hardest, then the relationship is already over. I should know, I learned this the hard way...and I wasn't competing in a Head of Household competition like Brendon was.

7. Kathy - (previously #9) The rumor that two housemates having a pre-existing relationship before entering the house has never been shot down. Am I crazy to think that Kathy could be Britney's mom. They're both from Arkansas, and they seem to be keeping a safe distance from one another. Just food for thought.

6. Ragan - (previously #5) Ragan has been selected as the housemate that America wants to be the next Saboteur. While he accepted that challenge for the chance to win $20,000 if he is successful over the next two weeks, it could also put a huge target on him if he is suspected.

5. Britney - (previously #4) Britney identified Ragan as the most difficult housemate to live with on live TV, not because of his personality, but because of his propensity for flatulence. In his defense Ragan stated, "I would say that every fart has come from Britney's legs," potentially dispelling the myth that hot girls don't fart. Even if he was lying I'm still going to have that little doubt in the back of my head whenever I see Britney for the rest of the season. Thanks Ragan, I'm not saying that you have to like girls, but you certainly don't have to ruin them for the rest of us.

4. Matt - (previously # 3) While Rachel is up for eviction, she identified Matt as her next target even before he nominated her. While Matt gained the Diamond Power of Veto by opening Pandora's box, by doing so he unleashed the new Saboteur, which will surely lower his standing with the other housemates in the long run.

3. Hayden - (previously #6) Before his eviction ceremony Hayden's mom went on camera and said, "If I could actually talk to Hayden right now I would tell him to think with the head on his shoulders." Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

2. Lane - (previously #1) I've started to dislike Lane more and more since I've noticed that he does all of his confessional interviews in character as if he's some sort of pro wresting character.

1. Enzo - (previously #2) I'm moving Enzo up to the top spot since Matt is continually making enemies, Hayden is on the outs due to his relationship with Kristen, and Lane was mentioned as a target for a potential replacement nominee by Rachel last week.

BBB12 (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "I know he's a chemist...hopefully he doesn't clone himself"

Last week Matt dropped the ball as Head of Household by nominating Andrew and Kathy instead of Brendon and Rachel, either of whom he hoped to backdoor. Of course, Brendon won the Power of Veto and preserved the original nominations. This caused Lane to proclaim, "I know he's a chemist, so hopefully he doesn't clone himself." Even if Brendon was a chemist (he's not, he's a physicist), and even if chemists were in the business of cloning people (they're not), I'm not exactly sure how that would have affected the Power of Veto meeting, but I digress.

Andrew concocted a plan with Brendon to tell the house that he was going after Rachel and Brendon in hopes of convincing the castmates that the three were not in cohoots with one another. While Andrew pretended to call out Brendon and Rachel at the Power of Veto meeting, it was household idiot Matt of all people who saw through the ruse, calling Andrew's speech "amateur theatre hour." Ouch!

While Andrew had game changing information about Hayden and Kristen's secret relationship at his disposal, he kept that information to himself until his speech at the Eviction Ceremony. Even though he outed Hayden and Kristen's relationship and their opinions about the other housemates that he overheard, it proved to be too late to influence anyone's vote. Ultimately Andrew was evicted by a unanimous vote.

In the Head of Household competition Rachel pulled the upset and defeated Lane and the Brigade alliance, which preserved her spot in the house with Brendon for at least another week. However, Rachel immediately went on a power trip and called out Kristen, much to Brendon's dismay. When Rachel later attempted to apologize to Kristen, Kristen rejected that apology, much to Hayden's dismay (are you starting to get the pattern of who the weak links in the showmances are?). Wisely, Rachel nominated Kristen and Hayden for eviction.

Big Brother 12 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 4:

10. Kristen - (previously #7) Kristen seems confident that she will not be leaving the house even though she has been nominated for eviction. Unfortunately for her she is not only up for eviction against her showmance partner, but she has no idea that the Brigade alliance is gunning for her to get Hayden's head back in the game.

(BTW, to everyone who thinks that Kristen is sartorially challenged, I have been informed that high waisted pants are actually making a comeback...but apparently only for girls. In a side note, I am currently checking on American Apparel's refund policy. I'll keep you posted).

9. Kathy - (previously #11) Someone arrived at my blog last week by searching "Big Brother 12, Is Kathy a lesbian?" Unfortunately, I am unable to answer that question. I will point out that there are two types of lesbians in this world - the kind that work construction and fart, and the kind that are pretty and don't trust men. If you guessed that Kathy was the former and Annie was the latter, then surprisingly you guessed wrong.

8. Rachel - (previously #10) - While Rachel is safe this week as Head of Household, I'm not sure what is bigger, the target on her back or her man chin (see, I'm not a joke pony, but I don't stray too far from the farm).

7. Brendon - (previously #8) Like Rachel, Brendon is safe for the week. However, he'll go back to being a major target in weeks when his alliance is not in power. Brendon officially lost both his dude card and manhood when he told Rachel that he loved her (and get this, she pulled away from him instead of reciprocating that statement). There is a 100% chance that Brendon's future girlfriend is going to use that one against him someday.

6. Hayden - (previously #3) Up for nomination after his showmance with Kristen was outed, Hayden probably should have come clean instead of denying that the two of them were hooking up. Now he is not only the weakest member of the Brigade, but the rest of his alliance members are targeting his girlfriend in order to get his head back in the game. He did gain bonus points by challenging Rachel to "string a sentence together without using the word 'like'" after she bragged about her chemistry degree and intelligence while arguing with Kristen.

5. Ragan - (previously #5) Still flying under the radar. I'm still not sure why he hasn't at least been nominated for eviction for being a floater. He did declare, "I nominate to institutionalize and evict Andrew" during the Eviction Ceremony, which pretty much summed this week up....and Andrew was actually telling the truth.

4. Britney - (previously #6) Britney's not only hilarious, but she's starting to play the game. Even though she despises Rachel, she took a bubble bath with her (unfortunately she was wearing a bikini) in order to make amends and futher secure her position in the house. Somewhere in America Monet was watching that scene as she tried to figure out a way to throw a plugged in toaster through her television screen. Interestingly, I just came across a site that looks like it already has Britney listed as this week's POV winner.

3. Matt - (previously # 4) Matt continues to make questionable decisions, overestimate his own intelligence, and think more highly of himself than everyone else around him does. Sadly, I am reminded why I'm presently single.

2. Enzo - (previously #2) Is there any amount of Rogaine that can help stop Enzo's male pattern baldness? I hope not, because I really want to the see the before and after photos of him in a Hair Club for Men commercial once Big Brother 12 ends. I think I continue to make fun of Enzo because I am slowly coming to the realization that I secretly don't hate him nearly as much as I thought I was going to when the season started.

1. Lane - (previously #1) Lane declared that his idea of a good time back in Texas is driving around in a truck at night with guns and a case of beer so he can shoot at any eyes that reflect back when he and his friends shine a light up into the trees, which officially makes it fair game to kick him square in the nuts the next time he stares into the lights of the TV camera to make a stupid comment during confessional. In any event, until PETA flies a plane with a banner over the house outing the Brigade, Lane doesn't have any real enemies.

BBB12 (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "She also could have worn a shirt, but we can't make all her decisions for her"

First the good news! Rumors on the Al Gore have it that Annie may be coming back into the Big Brother house even though she was evicted after week 1 as the Saboteur. If those rumors are true it obviously means that: 1) Annie's not really crazy; 2) I don't have bad taste in women after all; and 3) Annie's not really a lesbian. How awesome is that for me??!!

For the first time in this game we actually had some real drama in the house. After Britney told Rachel that Matt was pissed off at her for putting him up as a replacement nominee, Rachel dropped the bomb that Matt was actually the one who approached her about going up for elimination against Monet as a pawn. Rachel took things a step further by calling a house meeting and publicly outing Matt for playing both sides, and Matt responded by saying that Rachel was on a power trip and that she'd be his next target. Somehow that wasn't enough to save Monet, as the house (including Rachel and Brendon) voted to keep Matt by a 7-2 margin.

Hayden and Kristen got a little sloppy in hiding their secret showmance, and Andrew overheard their midnight makeout session when he pretended to be sleeping. Matt outlasted Ragan for Head of Household in one of Big Brother's crappy endurance challenges that unnecessarily spanned two episodes. After he won Head of Household Matt continued to believe that he's the one running the house, and he probably needs to remember that "pride comes before the fall" when it comes to Big Brother (bonus points and a beer to the first person who gets that reference).

As expected, Matt's ego ended up getting the best of him. Instead of nominating his biggest rivals (Rachel and Brendon) for eviction, he put put Andrew up as a pawn against Kathy. Matt wants Kathy out of the house simply because she voted against him at last week's elimination in favor of her friend Monet. Word to Mr. Mensa, there is a big difference between actually being targeted by someone and having someone vote against you out of loyalty to a close friend like Kathy did. Right now Matt is more "Diabolical Biz Markie" than "Diabolical Super Genius."

Big Brother 12 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 3:

11. Kathy - (previously #8) With Matt seeking revenge against Kathy for her vote against him last week, it looks like her time in the house will come to an end barring a replacement nominee via the Power of Veto.

10. Rachel - (previously #5) - So far Rachel has pretty much shown the entire house her boobs and ass, which means everyone has gotten just as far with her as Brendon has. I think Rachel is at risk of getting back doored this week, and I don't mean by Brendon.

9. Andrew - (previously #10) In response to my question from week 1, we finally learned that Big Brother slop is NOT kosher. While I don't think Andrew is the target for eviction this week in spite of being nominated, the possibility of being evicted did seem to wake him up in terms of his need to play the game. Matt should have put up Rachel and Brendon as everyone expected, as by putting up Andrew for eviction he picked up an unnecessary enemy. Bonus points to Enzo noting that the nut huggers Andrew wore during the Head of Household challenge definitely were not kosher.

8. Brendon - (previously #4) I'm moving Brendon down the power ranking list for the time being. Surprisingly, Matt winning Head of House did not turn out to be the worst case scenario for Brendon and Rachel. While it was pretty clear that the other 3 members of the Brigade alliance wanted Rachel and Brendon up for eviction, Matt inexplicably nominated Kathy and Andrew instead. Sure, Brendon could still get back doored, but that can be avoided if the Power of Veto challenge goes in his favor.

7. Kristen - (previously #6) Kristen loses ground in this week's rankings for two reasons. First, while he hasn't told the rest of cast as of yet, Andrew overheard Kristen and Hayden's secret makeout session. Second, the Brigade alliance has suspicions that the two housemates rumoured to know each other coming into the game might be Hayden and Kristen. At this point the Brigade suspects that Hayden and Kristen are relatives, not lovers. Of course we could have had the best of both worlds on Big Brother 5 when Michael and Jennifer came into the house not aware of the fact that they were long lost brother and sister. How hot would it have been if those two would have hooked up?

6. Britney - (previously #9) I went from liking Britney because she was hot, to hating her because she's from Arkansas, to loving her again because of the snarky comments she makes about the other housemates. I'm going on record to say that Britney is one of the funniest contestants in the history of Big Brother. A couple of her comments from this week:

Monet: She nominated Matt...I think she just wanted to get that extra jab in there, and she's lucky she didn't get my fist up her head."
Britney: She also could have worn a shirt, but we can't make all her decisions for her Monet."

Britney (during her tearful farewell message following Monet's eviction): I'm going to miss sitting in the back yard and talking with you about how high waisted Kristen's pants are, and how skanky Rachel's dressing every day, and how annoying her (Rachel's) laugh is, and all the things we could do with her (Rachel's) hair extensions."

5. Ragan - (previously #7) Surprisingly, Ragan continues to fly under the radar with no real alliance and no real enemies. He proclaimed that "being tied up and strapped to a wall is a typical night in West Hollywood for me." Of course he was referring to the Have/Have Not Challenge where he was duct taped to a wall and squirted with fluid, and not anything kinky.

4. Matt - (previously # 11) Having won Head of Household, Matt moves up the power ratings this week. However, his arrogance is still bound to cost him as the game continues. The Brigade is questioning his decision to nominate Andrew and Kathy for eviction instead of Rachel and Brendon, while his loyalties have already been questioned by the rest of the house.

3. Hayden - (previously #1) Hayden has become more vulnerable because of his relationship with Kristen. Not only are the other Brigade members questioning whether Hayden and Kristen might be the two housemates who knew each other coming into the game, but Andrew knows the truth about their secret romance. I have a strong suspicion that Hayden's relationship with Kristen is going to cost him a lot of money, but since all reality show relationships work out, I'm sure it will totally be worth it in the end.

2. Enzo - (previously #3) As much as I hate to admit it, Enzo deserves to move up. I actually enjoyed listening to Enzo when Britney attempted to teach him how to speak with a southern accent. Enzo has also been able to hide his secret alliance with Snookie from the other contestants much better than I imagined he would.

1. Lane - (previously #2) I'm not really sure how we got to the point where I have the guy who uttered the phrase, "I love role playing, I've rolled played a couple of times back in Texas, mainly with horses and cows" rated number 1, but we did. Fortunately these rankings are not final.

BBB12 (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "We lost to some idiot who wasn't even smart enough to put pants on before the competition"

After Brendon won the power of veto in week my worst nightmare came true - Hayden put Annie up for eviction as a replacement nominee. Of course Annie had a meltdown in front of the entire house after being nominated, proving once and for all that all hot chicks are crazy. Even after outing Brendon as a budding physicist and not just a high school swim coach, Annie was still evicted by a 12-0 vote. This extends my streak of horrible luck on reality television where the girl I decide that I'm going to tune in to watch gets evicted in week 1...then again, maybe it's not just bad luck and I'm only attracted to crazy women. We'll let my track record speak for itself on that one.

After Annie's eviction Rachel pulled the upset and won Head of Household, shifting the balance of power in the house for at least this week. It was finally revealed to the house that Annie was the "Saboteur" even though she had previously left a message for the house saying that they had voted the wrong person out. Rachel decided to nominate Britney and Monet for eviction, which was a smart move since they both privately declared their hate for her in spite of their attempts to kiss her fake boobed-ass in hopes of staying in the house.

Unfortunately for Rachel, Britney won the Power of Veto and removed herself from the nomination block. While Rachel considered putting Andrew up as Britney's replacement, Matt surprisingly volunteered to go up as a pawn against Monet in this week's elimination. Given that pawns have not historically fared very well in Big Brother eliminations, if I were Matt's manager I'd demote the self proclaimed Mensa member to Golden Key status until he proves he can hit big league pitching.

Big Brother 12 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 2:

12. Monet - (previously #5) Monet was a victim of Rachel winning Head of Household. Her response to Rachel putting her up for eviction, "I hope she gets fired from her job and she can get her job back as a stripper." I fully concur with that statement, and I really hope to see it play out.

11. Matt - (previously #1) - Violating the rule that you should never give yourself a nickname, Matt proclaimed himself the "Diabolical Super Genius" and volunteered as a pawn to go up for nomination after Britney won the Power of Veto. Matt repeatedly declared that he was confident that he was safe, not realizing that his housemates had picked up on the fact that he was making up the story about his wife's crippling illness and that he was intentionally acting paranoid about the initial eviction nominations. While Matt proclaims himself to be a member of Mensa, he needs to remember that being being book smart doesn't necessarily translate to having people skills...no matter how many bad tattoos you get to try and overcompensate.

10. Andrew - (previously #9) While Andrew isn't even aligned with Rachel and Brendon, he raised the suspicion of his housemates when he reacted like a twelve year old boy who had just won tickets to see a Jonas Brothers concert after Rachel won Head of House. Andrew is very lucky that Matt volunteered himself as a replacement nominee after Britney won the power of veto and took herself down from nomination, as he likely would have gone on the block had Matt not done so.

9. Britney - (previously #7) Faced with the prospect of her closest friend and ally Monet going home, Britney is going to need to make some major strategic moves in order to stay in this game.

8. Kathy - (previously #10) Kathy stayed under the radar this week, which should be her strategy for the entire game. While being annoying and a week competitor makes her an easy target, she should also be able to last a few weeks simply because she doesn't pose a threat to anyone at this time. Then again, she is really annoying.

7. Ragan - (previously #8) Ragan definitely has a mind for the game. He is yet to establish an allegiance to any alliance or create any enemies, which kind of surprises me. Ragan could get targeted as a floater by the existing alliances if he doesn't make a move relatively soon.

6. Kristen - (previously #6) Under the radar in week 1, Kristen and Hayden have shown some chemistry. While that should keep her in the good graces of the secret Brigade alliance for the time being, Hayden also rebuffed her proposed alliance, which should tip her off about his secret allegiance with other players in the game. Kristen's shining moment of the week came when she told Hayden that birthmarks show where you were stabbed in previous lives, which finally explains why I have a big one on my coccyx.

5. Rachel - (previously # 12) Having won Head of Household, Rachel appears to have made amends with the Brigade alliance, who originally nominated Brendon and herself for eviction in week 1. If true, that should help reposition herself for the rest of the game. Quote from Britney on Rachel winning HOH: "We let some idiot, who wasn't even smart enough to put on pants before the competition win." Again, I can't disagree. After all, she revealed that she was hospitalized last January for drinking too much. I'm starting to think Rachel is a little confused as to what her profession is called. Pouring a shot of alcohol in a test tube and letting people drink it from your cleavage makes you a mixologist at best, not a chemist.

4. Brendon - (previously #13) Brendon was able to avoid eviction last week by winning the power of veto. With Rachel having won Head of Household Rachel this week, Brendon is now in a position of power. With Rachel more likely to be a target for elimination when it comes to the two of them in future weeks by virtue having nominated Monet and Britney for eviction this week, Brendon just repositioned himself as a major contender...so long as Rachel's fake boobs can keep their alliance afloat.

3. Enzo - (previously #3) Enzo, a/k/a Meow-Meow, a/k/a The Adjustment, is in a secure position within the house for now, although I don't see his Brigade alliance as being one of the stronger ones in Big Brother history. Matt is either going to get overconfident and screw things up for the Brigade or bail on them entirely.

2. Lane - (previously #2) Lane can thank Hayden for talking Rachel out of putting Enzo and himself up for nomination. So long as the Brigade remains in power Lane will remain in a good position, and he is probably less of a threat to the other housemates than either Hayden and Enzo in the event that they try to target the Brigade.

1. Hayden - (previously #4) Hayden was able to avoid being targeted for nomination out of revenge for putting Rachel up last week. Not only did he make peace with Rachel, but Hayden is striking up a showmance with Kristen. All in all, Hayden is the strongest connected player in the house with his alliance and relationships outside of the Brigade.

BBB12 (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "I have no idea what a brigade is"

Season 12 of Big Brother is upon us, which signals the true start to my summer. My summer used to commence when the weather became warm enough for me drink beer on my couch in my underwear, but thanks to the neighbor girl who insists upon peering into my front window to see if my son can come out and play instead of ringing the doorbell I was forced to cease that practice. Alright, I'm uncomfortable too, let's move on.

This season's twist is that one of the 13 contestants is a "Saboteur." The yet to be disclosed Saboteur is not competing to win Big Brother, but can instead earn $50,000 if he/she stays in the house for 5 weeks without getting voted off while throwing challenges and otherwise making life miserable for the other contestants.

During the first week of BB-12 Hayden, a baseball player from Arizona, won Head of Household. He quickly joined a four person alliance that was proposed by Enzo - a Jersey Shore douche bag, Matt - a closet Mensa member, and Lane - a meathead from Texas. Realizing that their alliance needed a totally awesome nickname that would propel them to fame, they quickly decided upon "The Brigade." Personally, I would have gone with something like "Jersey's Four" or "The A-Team," but I digress. Enzo also decided that the alliance members needed individual nicknames, so he dubbed Hayden "The Animal," Lane "The Beast," Matt "The Brains," and himself (for obvious reasons that nobody else knows) "Meow-Meow." I probably would have gone with "The Adjustment" to pay homage to his Jersey Shore roots and career as an insurance adjuster, but that's just me.

A budding showmance developed between closet academics Brendon and Rachel, who both had decided not to disclose how smart they were to their castmates for fear of putting a target on their backs. Brendon is a high school swim coach who is is pursuing a Masters Degree in physics, while Rachel is a chemist who chooses to put her talents to better use as a VIP cocktail waitress in Las Vegas. You won't be able to convince me that they're both not strippers in real life, but since strippers aren't really people I guess I really don't care. In any event, the Brigade quickly decided that Brendon and Rachel needed to be split up, and they were nominated for eviction by Hayden.

Big Brother 12 Power Ratings - Each week I'm going rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 1:

13. Brendon - Identified as the biggest threat by The Brigade, Brendon was nominated for eviction in part due to his showmance alliance with Rachel.

12. Rachel - Faced with with a decision equally as difficult as whether or not she should put her chemistry degree to use or get fake boobs and work as a cocktail waitress in Vegas, Rachel decided to hide her intelligence from the rest of the house but participate in an open showmance/alliance with Brendon, which of course identified her as an obvious target for the first eviction. I'd disown her as a fellow ginger if she wasn't a dye job wanna be poser.

11. Annie - Realizing that she has become a target because of her friendship with Brendon and Rachel, Annie may still be able to reach out to the other cast mates and stabilize her position in the house. I need her to do this, because this lesbian bartender is hot enough to convert me...oh wait, I guess I'd be the one who needs to convert her.

10. Kathy - For a deputy Sheriff, this peroxide fueled southern belle is not only the worst competitor in the house, but she has already started rubbing some of the other contestants the wrong way with her personality. Note to Kathy - the next time your ass literally gets stuck in caramel (sadly, it was not nearly as hot as it sounds), don't accuse one of the hot young girls that dusted you in the competition of performing as bad as you did. You reminded me of one of the beached whales that simply chose to give up and die instead of swimming back out to sea once dislodged by animal rights activists.

9. Andrew - The Orthodox Jewish podiatrist also found it necessary to lie about his professional life, claiming to have been laid off so the other contestants wouldn't question his financial need for the final prize since he is a successful doctor (yes, somewhere in Miami Beach somebody's plantar warts are going untreated for half of a summer so Andrew can compete on Big Brother). My main question for Andrew is whether or not Big Brother "slop" is kosher?

8. Ragan - The openly gay college professor could rub people the wrong way with his arrogant personality, but he also has the confidence to put together an alliance to counter The Brigade.

7. Britney - Britney seems a little to into herself to do well in this game. Plus she hates old people, which is just bad karma if you say it out loud on national TV instead of just think it like me.

6. Kristen - The Philly boutique manager and model really has not caught my attention one way or the other, which may not be a bad thing at this point in the game.

5. Monet - A model/actress that is all about playing the game. If she can find the right alliance she could win it all.

4. Hayden - While Hayden is secure for now in the tightest alliance in the game, he could find himself as a target down the road since he was the first Head of Household and will surely be targeted by either Brendon or Rachel for putting them up for eviction.

3. Enzo - While Enzo is the leader of The Brigade, once that alliance is exposed he quickly becomes the primary target of the other housemates. Plus, he has that Jersey Shore backlash thing working against him.

2. Lane - While he is secure for now in his alliance, Lane would probably be safe from eviction for a few weeks even if The Brigade were to fall apart since there are bigger targets/threats within that alliance. He also seems like a giant dumb ass, admitting "I have no idea what a brigade is" in response to the name of his new alliance.

1. Matt - This has nothing to do with Matt being a Mensa member, he just seems to be the most likely of the Brigade to flip alliances should the need arise, which makes him the most powerful player in the game.