NFL Picks - Week 12: "Because the Lions - Packers game is bigger than Pam Oliver's ass"

Week 11 NFL Picks: 3-10-1
NFL results season to date: 75-74-8

Week 11 College Football results: 2-2
College Football results season to date: 21-23-2

Week 12 NFL Picks (winners in parentheses):

Thursday
Green Bay vs. Detroit (Detroit, home, +7) The Lions probably match up better with the Packers than any other team in the NFC. They have the ability to score with Green Bay in the event of a shoot-out, and their defensive line and ball-hawking secondary may be capable of slowing Aaron Rodgers down. Mix in a deafening Ford Field crowd, and the Lions have a legitimate shot at becoming the first team to defeat the Packers this season. 

Pam Oliver's HUGE ass!

The Lions-Packers game this Thanksgiving is huge...kind of like Fox sideline reporter Pam Oliver's big ass.

Miami vs. Dallas (Dallas, home, -7) Believe it or not, this game features two of the hottest teams in the NFL. Miami has shown some life on offense after Matt Moore took over at quarterback, and their defense is finally starting to lock down after some early season lapses in their secondary. Dallas has quickly become one of the better teams in the NFL after they inserted emerging star Demarco Murray at running back, which has allowed Tony Romo to play more conservatively and allow his receivers make plays instead of forcing throws.
San Francisco vs. Baltimore (Baltimore, home, -3)  Traveling across the country on a short week will make it difficult for the 49ers to defeat the Ravens in the Harbaugh Bowl.

Sunday
Arizona vs. St. Louis (St. Louis, home, -3) I kept looking at this game trying to think of something interesting to say, but it made me have to go take an Early Doucet.
Buffalo vs. New York Jets (New York Jets, home, -8) The wheels are coming off the wagon for the Bills, who are now without underrated running back Fred Jackson for the rest of the season. The Jets are their own worst enemy, with Marc Sanchez finally making the journey from overrated to a consensus below average quarterback.
Cincinnati vs. Cleveland (Cincinnati, home, -7.5) The Bengals are in a position to make the playoffs but still can't sell out Paul Brown Stadium against their biggest rival. The Browns are even less interested to play in this game.
Jacksonville vs. Houston (Houston, home, -3.5) Ever since Matt Leinart ratted out a friend that he knew was innocent of soliciting a prostitute when he was on an episode of Punk'd, I have a hard time putting any faith or trust in the guy. Unfortunately, that's just what I'm going to do. The Texans defense has quickly become one of the league's best, and should be able to shut down the Jaguars running game and one dimensional offense. For some reason I think that Leinart is capable of running the Texan offense with Matt Schaub out for the season.
Atlanta vs. Minnesota (Atlanta, home, -9.5) The Falcons have been playing better now that they've gone back to being a run first team behind Michael "Burner" Turner. The Vikings will be playing without All-Pro running back Adrian Peterson, which now leaves a rookie quarterback Christian Ponder trying to win a game without a decent running back, any servicable wide receivers, or an offensive line.
Carolina vs. Indianapolis (Carolina, road, -3.5) Cam Newton should put up huge numbers against an undersized and injury depleted Colts defense. While the Panthers defense isn't much better, Indianapolis really doesn't have the talent on offense to capitalize and keep up.  
Tampa Bay vs. Tennessee (Tennessee, home, -3.5) The Buccaneers have burned me me all season long. Matt Hasselbeck looks to be in line to play without any adverse affects after injuring his elbow last week.
Chicago vs. Oakland (Chicago, road, +4.5) In spite of Mike Martz being in charge of their offense, I foresee the Bears going conservative and riding their running game in the absence of Jay Cutler while they rely on their solid defense to keep them in games.
New England vs. Philadelphia (New England, road, -3) I love how a small group of people are still trying to talk themselves into the Eagles making a late run this season after a couple of victories. With Nmandi Asomugha having been carted off the practice field this week with an apparent knee injury, and with Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie also potentially missing this game, Tom Brady and Patriots should feast on the Eagles secondary.
Seattle vs. Washington (Seattle, home, -4) Marshawn Lynch has added some spark the Seahawks running game over the past four weeks in spite of Seattle losing two starters on their offensive line over that same period. After a quick start to their season, the Pigskins have simply become a team that you can't gamble on no matter what the point spread is.
Denver vs. San Diego (Denver, road, +7) Every year a terrible team from the AFC West ends up looking better than they are due to their easy intra division match-ups and some additional help from the NFL scheduling Tebows Gods. Two years ago that team was Denver. Last year it was Kansas City. This year it's Denver again. If we go by track records, the Broncos will cover and/or win behind Tim Tebow, while Phillip Rivers and the Chargers will find a way to turn the ball over multiple times and lose. It should be pretty easy to put together a game plan and put eight men in the box and dare Tim Tebow to beat you by throwing while playing to contain him on the run. Unfortunately, I have no faith in Norv Turner and his staff to do so.
Pittsburgh vs. Kansas City (Pittsburgh, road, -10.5) If Tyler Palko had problems with New England's defense last week, it's only going to get worse when he faces the Steelers this week. I look for the Steelers to blow the Chiefs out by over 30 points on Sunday night.

Monday
New York Giants vs. New Orleans (New York Giants, road, +7) Eli Manning and the Giants are quietly putting up huge numbers in the passing game this season. In fact, they are almost a carbon copy of the Saints. I'll take the Saints to win since they are at home, but not to cover.

College Football's Top Games of the Week:

Arkansas vs. LSU (LSU, home, -12) I just don't think the Razorbacks are ready to play with the big boys yet. Look for the best secondary in college football to shut down the Arkansas passing game and take care of business with a BCS Championship Game bid on the line.

Surprisingly, as evident by this Razorback Cheerleader, not everyone from Arkansas has a physical birth defect.

Ohio State vs. Michigan (Ohio State, road, +7.5) Michigan went through a scandal with Rich Rodriguez and wound up with Brady Hoke as their new head coach after several more high profile candidates turned them down. Ohio State went through their own coaching scandal and scored by landing the premier coach in all of college football in Urban Meyer. I guess that answers the question as to which school has the better program. Look for Ohio State's defense to easily contain the overrated Denard Robinson.
Wisconsin vs. Penn State (Wisconsin, home,-15) The Nittney "Loins" are reeling right now, and Wisconsin has a chance to go for the kill at home. Plus Bret Bielema and the Badgers have no shame in running up a score for the purposes of inflating their rankings.

Wisconsin Badger Cheerleader: Who says all girls from Wisconsin are fat? Milk sure did this Badger Cheerleader's body good.

Georgia vs. Georgia Tech (Georgia Tech, home, +6) This is a game that Mark Richt and his underachieving Bulldogs have seemed to struggle with recently. The Yellow Jackets typically seem to be able to keep this game within 6 points.

Georgia Bulldog Cheerleader: Things could get a little cheeky for Mark Richt and his Georgia Bulldogs if they lose again to in state rival Georgia Tech.

South Carolina vs. Clemson (Clemson, road, +4.5) When was the last time that the Clemson Tigers were relevant in the National Title picture? According to their fans it was as recently as a month ago. According to the rest of the country it was 1981. They're still better than an overrated SEC East South Carolina team.

The South Carolina football team might be overrated, but at least their cheerleaders come with instructions.

Alabama vs. Auburn (Alabama, road, -21) Alabama has already poisoned the trees at Auburn's historic Grove. Now it's time for them to rape their football team and beat their women. ROLL-DAMN-TIDE!

I never quite understood why the University of Alabama had an elephant for their mascot. Unfortunately, I do now...No wonder why their fans are so angry.

Notre Dame vs. Stanford (Notre Dame, road, +7) Andrew Luck has been struggling slightly of late. Aside from him, Stanford is just a bunch of slow white kids...just like Notre Dame. Give me the points in this one.

I see some "tree-stieality" in this Stanford Cheerleader's future.