Blogging Survivor: South Pacific - "Coach is running the show like he's Jesus"

This week's episode began with the increasingly arrogant Coach describing his strategy for keeping the masses in check. "Survivor 101, Rule #37, anybody who's on the bottom of an alliance better not feel like they're on a bottom of an alliance, or they're going to revolt."

Cochran was buying into Coach's propaganda. "As painful as it is for me to admit it, I am drinking the Coach Kool-Aide. I'm drinking it slowly, not huge gulps...Because if I'm not on the cult leader's side, I'm going to meet an untimely death, so I need to support the father of "The Family."

No, that's not Ozzy...it's Coach when he was in charge of his original alliance back in the 60's known as "The Family."

Jim, Keith and Ozzy competed in a three-way Redemption Challenge for the right to stay in the game. Their challenge consisted of keeping a pole balanced on the top of their hands while their arms were outstretched while pressing the pole up against an overhead board. Jim was eliminated quickly when his pole fell to the ground. He did finally finish first in something when he became the first member of the Jury. Ozzy then barely outlasted Keith to continue his at Redemption Island.

Ozzy seemed content with his vacation at Redemption Island as compared to being involved in the rigors of the game back at camp. "Redemption ads a whole new twist to it. If you have the skills and ability like I do, you can come out fresh and rejuvenated...and play the end game with voracity you can't when you're having to deal with a tribe."

Back at camp, Rick (the mute Cowboy), failed in his attempt to replace Ozzy as the Tribe's fisherman. Meanwhile, Cochran started to become concerned about being the seventh member out of seven in the Upolu Alliance, and began to talk about making another major move to play with Dawn and Whitney.

At the Individual Immunity Challenge the contestants had to balance a bowl of rice on their heads, walk over two teeter-totters, and empty their bowls into a container until it reached the fill-line. Sophie ended up winning, with Jeff Probst announcing that a "twist" was forthcoming at Tribal Council.

Cochran surmised that the "twist" would be a double elimination, with a second Immunity Challenge immediately following the first vote. Albert continued to establish himself as Coach's top competition and mounted a campaign against alliance member Edna, noting how she wouldn't vote for him over Coach if it came down to it. He also noted how targeting Edna would earn him points with Cochran, Whitney and Dawn on the Jury.

Albert went on to inform Cochran that he was in fact seventh in the pecking order in their alliance, and proposed taking out Edna along with Whitney, Dawn, and Sophie. Sophie, the potential swing vote, noted, "Albert is showing his true colors more and more, which are maybe closer to my true colors." Meanwhile Coach, the religious leader in the game, tried to impose a new rule that would prohibit women and non-whites from voting since they represented a threat to his power.

At Tribal Council, Whitney was asked by Jeff if Coach was the Upolu Alliance leader. "Everybody reports back to him. If they're always reporting back to him, thats what you gotta assume, right?" Albert expounded by saying, "I definitely don't think he's my leader, or the leader, he might just be a figurehead." Ultimately, the Te Tuna Tribe voted out Dawn, but it's clear that the masses are already planning their revolt.

The writing is on the wall...the masses are planning to revolt against the Church of Coach, which makes Jesus sad.

Following Dawn's eviction, Jeff announced that this week would in fact be a double Tribal Council, with an Immunity Challenge to take place immediately. Sophie won her second Individual Immunity in a row in a series of true or false questions based on "surviving" off the land in the South Pacific. Whitney was then voted out, and she joined Dawn and Ozzy at Redemption Island.

Ranking the Survivors:

9. Whitney - Whitney was on to Coach's strategy as she noted, "Coach is running the show like he's Jesus...Obviously all seven (members of his alliance) can't go to the end. Cochran went to Harvard, Sophie is going to med-school. I can't believe how all these smart people can be so stupid.

"Thumbs-Up Coach" does not approve of Whitney's analysis...or for that matter, anyone else who questions authority.

8. Dawn - When Dawn got voted out, at least one member got in a little jab by writing "her" name down as "Don" given her masculine traits. Dawn is now one step away from going back home to Utah and reuniting with her son and four wives.
7. Ozzy - I have to rate Ozzy ahead of the the other two Redemption Island contestants, Dawn and Whitney. In fact, I wouldn't bet against Ozzy even if I knew that next week's Redemption Challenge was going to consist of playing country music or riding mountain bikes and going door to door to sell magazines.
6. Cochran - Cochran kind of reminds me of an insecure girlfriend in the way that he left his Savaii Tribe alliance for Upolu's. The insecure girlfriend leaves her original boyfriend at the first sign of attention from a new guy because she didn't like the way she was being treated. Then, when she realizes that she isn't the new guy's top priority despite having been told how pretty she was because the new guy lost interest after finally getting what he wanted, she starts making plans to go back to the old boyfriend with her tail beteween her legs. Let's just call Cochran "Hannah," hypothetically speaking of course.

5. Albert - Ultra religious and tribe leader Coach is beginning to worry about Albert for thinking on his own and questioning his commands. Ahh, the religious parallels...

4. Rick - Rick spoke again this week at the Redemption Challenge, where he was heard yelling, "Stay focused Jim." I find this interesting, because the only other time he spoke this season was when he yelled "good luck" at Christine at an earlier Redemption Challenge. Apparently there is something at Redemption Island makes the mustachioed cowboy a fucking wild man.

3. Russell's Nephew - So Russell's Nephew has a kid...



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Dead fucking serious, this is an actual picture from Russell's Nephew's Survivor: South Pacific Facebook page. While the Hantz clan may not always use birth control, apparently they exercize their own form of "late term abortion" in Texas.

2. Edna - I actually think Edna is ideally suited to finish third is this game. She's just non-threatening enough to keep around until the end, but ultimately the top contestant will opt to take someone who is less likable and less respected for their game with them for the final vote, a/k/a Russell's Nephew.

1. Coach - In preparing for an eventual show-down with alliance member Albert coach said, "He's either trying to come up with a last second plan, or he's trying to come up with jury votes...Neither one of them is acceptable in my opinion...If either one of them wants to vote against 'The Five,' it's instant death."