BBB13 (Bloggin Big Brother 13) - "You're an accessory to backdooring me!"

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So, with the Dynamic Duos still in control after week three of Big Brother 13, are Brendon and Rachel getting too cocky for their own good? Rachel began the week by bragging about getting Cassi evicted, "Cassi, you want to accuse me of being catty, being bitchy? Guess what, you can watch from your house while I'm still playing the game, and winning this money...I've gotta brush off my shoulders, cause I've never lost a Head of House!"

Rachel's partner Brendon went on to say, "Rachel is the quiz book, the brains behind our operation. I'm the athletic side, but anything that involves thinking quickly on your feet, Rachel can handle." I totally agree with Brendon...if "thinking quickly on your feet" means giving a blow job on national TV to another dude.

For Christ's sake, it's a still. Not only does it not play, but you wouldn't want to see it even if it did

The Have/Have Not Competition was scrapped this week for a reward challenge. In a ridiculous promotion for an upcoming CBS TV show, the house guests were given clues in order to guess the identity of a celebrity who would be visiting the Big Brother house. Upon only seeing the first set of clues (3 bars of soap and a pair of opera glasses), Jordan correctly guessed that the answer was David Hasselhoff. Her logic? Bars of soap are used to wash, and a brand of soap just might be called "bay"...So if you combine the two you get "bay-wash," an obvious reference to the TV show Baywatch. And, of course, the next logical leap was to conclude that the correct answer was Hasselhoff based upon his portrayal of character "Mitch Buchanon." Jesus, my head hurts. And here I was thinking that TV game shows stopped rigging their results after Quiz Show...stupid me.

Rachel became upset with Jordan after she won the luxury competition and did not select Brendon and herself for the reward, a sushi dinner with the Hoff while watching a screening of his appearance on a show where he changes places with a regular Joe who also happens to be named David Hasselhoff. Although it sounds like a really promising idea for a show, I'm sure that somewhere in Illinois there is a 16 year old girl named Rachel Reilly who is cringing at the thought of having to move to Las Vegas for a week and give blow jobs to guys who claim to be test-shot photographers for Easy Rider magazine.

As their argument continued, Rachel told Brendon that they did not have much of a relationship anymore. Brendon agreed, calling it more of a "relation-shit." Overhearing America's least favorite couple bicker with one another, Daniele deadpanned, "we're not in couples rehab."

Rachel disappointment in not being selected by Jordan to share in her reward was actually an intentional slight, as Jordan expained, "I didn't want to take Brendon and Rachel just because they'd probably be like kissy all this time, so I didn't want to listen to that, and I didn't want to suck up to her just because she's HOH." While Rachel and Brendon discussed putting up Jeff and Jordan for eviction over being slighted (with a little prodding from Daniele), Rachel ultimately nominated Dominic and Adam.

Convinced that he had a deal with Rachel and Brendon that would keep him safe, with Adam their presumed target, Dominic agreed to throw the POV Competition in order to preserve their nominations. The POV Competition itself required the competitors to slip and slide through water and suds and bring back random letters in order to spell the longest word that they could create. This caused Dominic to proclaim, "The suds are everywhere! They're smacking you in the face, they're hitting you in the back of the head." Rachel followed that up by swallowing some "suds" and gagging, making me think that she and Dominic have much more in common than they've been letting on. In any event, Rachel was disqualified when she tried to spell moisturizing, M-O-U-I-S-T-U-R-I-Z-I-N-G. However, Brendon ended up winning the POV Competition and preserved her nominations.

After the POV Competition Dominic continued to fan Brendon and Rachel's insecurity and distrust towards Jeff and Jordan. Jeff became suspicious of Dominic and Daniele spending time together, and he  ultimately figured out that Dominic was playing them both and brought this to Brendon and Rachel's attention. This lead to Jeff initiating a house meeting, in which he called out Dominic and Daniele, telling Dominic, "you're an accessory to backdooring me," which is probably closer to the truth than he'll ever know.

During one of the many confrontations surrounding the house meeting, Daniele called Rachel an idiot, causing Brendon to snap, "don't ever call my fiance an idiot!" That caused Daniele to say of Brendon, "Brendon walks around this house like he is king of the Big Brother house. Brendon may be able to talk down to Rachel...like she's stupid, but if he has the audacity to pull that crap with me, I'm not going to stand for it."

Brendon then inexplicably picked a fight with Kalia by calling her out for being a floater by bragging, "you know what, I've studied rocket science, and this (smelling Kalia out as a floater) is way easier than rocket science." Well done Brendon. Not only did you needlessly pick an argument with someone who was playing along with your alliance, but you also made sure that America knows that you were in the "gifted" class when you were in school. I just hope that he realizes that "when everyone's special, no one is special."

After the house had settled down, Daniele readily admitted that her strategy had backfired. However, as one of the strongest challenge competitors when she was on Big Brother 8 she declared, "with the Head of House Competition coming up, I will win, and I will get one them out of the house this week. While Dominic was ultimately voted out, his time was not a total loss, as he lost over 200 pounds while he was on the ranch.

Before

After

Ooops...wrong show. Following Dominic's eviction, Julie announced that the house guests would no longer be playing as duos, but as individuals. As Thursday's episode was finishing, the contestants began an endurance challenge for the Head of House Competition where they had to stay on a pair of skis attached to a moving wall as they faced a barrage of elements. As an incentive to quit or stay in the game, the first five contestants to drop out received either a reward or a punishment, with the top reward being $10,000.

Big Brother 13 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 3:

10. Daniele - Talk about first to worst from last week (at least in regards to my Big Brother Power Ratings), what looked to be a brilliant strategy to play Jordan and Jeff against Rachel and Brendon totally backfired for Daniele. Now she has a huge target on her ass, which her father "Evel Dick" should be able to attest to after going ass to face with her during Have/Have Not Competition in week 1.

9. Kalia - Kalia has described herself as Carrie from Sex in the City. In reality, she's closer to being the black Oprah.
 
8. Lawon - Lawon has lost his damn mind. His comments keeping getting crazier and less coherent (but not funnier) by the week. If Lawon starts twitching and scratching himself repeatedly this week, I'll be 100% convinced that David Hasselhoff and his anus served as his mule to smuggle drugs into the Big Brother house.

7. Adam - When told that a celebrity would be visiting the house, Adam excitedly blurted out, "I hope it's Tori Spelling! Is it Tori? Is Tori Spelling going to come here? Am I wearing something nice? Is she going to think I'm cute? OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!!" All I can say to that is, poor Adam...all those years of watching Beverly Hills 90210, and he doesn't even realize that she's still a virgin.

6. Porsche - Porsche received so little camera time this last week that I wouldn't be surprised to tune in on Sunday and find out that she has completely disappeared from the game...you know, like the older brother "Chuck" did in Happy Days, or Lebron James in any meaningful NBA Playoff series that he's ever been a part of.

5. Shelly - If Shelly, the Christian redneck, is still worried about how her children will look at her for lying in the game, perhaps she can go to this guy for confession, I have a pretty good feeling that he just might understand...BOOGITY, BOOGITY, BOOGITY - A-MEN!!!:

So if 3,000-5,000 NASCAR fans show up at your place of worship each Sunday, do you call it a mega-church or a Walmart?

4. Rachel - I couldn't really understand why Rachel would get engaged to Brendon after she caught him Skyping his love part to other women, especially after the way she talked down to him all of last season. Now that I see that she is scheduled to appear on the Brides of Beverly Hills, everything makes total sense. I'm not saying that landing a reality show gig is a good reason to get or stay engaged, but at least things are starting to make sense to me now.

3. Brendon - I'm totally ranking Brendon over Rachel this week for yelling at her and making her cry after she gave Porsche what ultimately turned out to be a wrong answer during a luxury challenge that made no real difference in who stays in the game. Seriously, this guy is almost "manic domestically-abusive" or something. One year he lets Rachel totally emasculate him, the next he's flexing his muscles and making her cry for absolutely no reason whatsoever, then he apologizes to her and re-sets the whole cycle. Hey? Did I just apply that sociology class I took in undergrad to a quasi-real life situation?

2. Jeff - A week ago, Jeff was targeting Brendon as a backdoor eviction nominee. This week, they were wearing the same shirt. I would say that they that they were simply sharing clothes (as all guys do), but they were actually on camera wearing the same blue on blue American Apparel wife beaters at the same time. According to the Big Brother after hours live feed coverage, Jeff then asked Brendon if they should ask their girlfriends if they could go shave their pubes together, which Adam seem happy to hear, as he exclaimed, "Hey...I'm not the creepiest guy in the house!"

1. Jordan - Last week she farted on him. In this week's Veto Competition (where the contestants had to seek out letters in the back yard and use them to spell out the longest word they could), Jordan admitted that she contemplated spelling "farting" with the letters she came up with. Ahh that Jeff, he's a lucky man. Then again, Jordan looks like she could be in position to Big Brother's first two time winner, so it's in his best interest to hang in there with her a little bit longer.

BBB13 (Blogging Big Brother 13) - "Thank you America, I LOVE BEEF JERKY...USA! JERKY, JERKY, JERKY!"

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Finally, after two weeks, there were finally some personality conflicts in the Big Brother house that made some of the contestants feel a little uncomfortable. I'm not talking about the uncomfortable feeling that I get when I watch the Whoopi Goldberg television commercial where she openly talks about how she wets herself, but I'm talking about the uncomfortable tension that exists when two or more people with secret jealousies live together in close proximity...you know, like every group of girls who ever decided to share a house or get an apartment together during college.

After she heard Cassi talking about how the "Newbies" had targeted Porsche for elimination, Rachel snapped, "some of us liked Porsche, and she's here now for a month!" After Rachel stormed out of the room, Rachel and Cassi had an awkward moment where they were alone together in the kitchen and neither said a word to each other, which was good because didn't have to hear: a) Cassi's brutal accent, or b) Rachel's squawky Kathy Griffin voice.

Rachel was later heard saying to Porsche about Cassi, "Like, she's so pretty, but then she's just not good at playing this game." Of course, when it came to lobbying her alliance, Rachel made it seem as if Cassi was the primary threat on the "Newbie" alliance for her game play (and not just her looks) by saying that she was "definitely coming after them."

Jordan picked up on the fact that Rachel was jealous of Cassi for her looks when she told her, "people are throwing you under the bus...it's because you're pretty, that's why." In the Diary Room Jordan proclaimed, "Rachel is jealous because Cassi is beautiful and Rachel likes to be the center of attention."

At the Have/Have Not competition, the competing duos were bound together in ant costumes and forced to find and bring back specific "crumbs of food." The competition ended up being so physically demanding that Kalia needed medical attention after being crushed by Lawon. She later declared, "I was...utterly cleared by a medic, and I'm sure I'll be back to all my antics ASAP," which is odd because Kalia's only antics until this point in the game have consisted of being utterly quiet and boring.

While Jordan nominated Dominic and Adam for eviction, a power struggle took place at the Power of Veto competition. That competition consisted of the contestants (competing as individuals and not duos) running back and forth across a balance beam while chewing gum, and then placing their chewed pieces of gum on a board in order to fill in a POV symbol. In the event that any of the contestants fell, they were given the opportunity to continue in return for eating nothing but slop for the next two weeks.

When Jordan fell and initially volunteered to take slop in order to continue, Jeff convinced her to drop out of the competition given that she was so far behind she could not have possibly come back to win. This caused Rachel to start making passive aggressive comments, which in turn triggered Jeff to shut her down by snapping, "I didn't appreciate your comments during the race." He went on to say, " Rachel is running wild with her comments. It's been a problem since the beginning, so someone has to set her straight." An embarrassed Rachel then ran off into the bushes where she cried in Brendon's arms, which is odd, because Brendon is normally the one left crying in her bush.

Sadly for me...I mean Cassi, Dominic won the Power of Veto and took Adam and himself off of the elimination block. While Jordan and Jeff discussed the possibility of back dooring Brendon and Rachel, they ultimately stuck with their alliance and nominated Cassi and Shelly as replacement nominees.

Cassi and Rachel had a final confrontation when Cassi tried to set their relationship straight, and Rachel over escalated the situation by blurting, "Your game play is horrible...why didn't you win HOH last week?" When Cassi calmly replied, "I tried," Rachel snarked, "but you didn't." Cassi then took Rachel down a notch by saying, "You're catty, you really are...I really pulled for you last season, I just want you to know that. I really was a fan of yours, and I was like, that's bullshit the way people treated her, and you come in here, and I get it...you're a catty girl, ugly person inside.

Cassi's comment once again sent Rachel off in tears, who proclaimed, Cassi's like, so mean!" I will point out that I don't really think that Cassi really watched season 12 of Big Brother, as it was noted by her friend that she knew nothing of the show until she was recently approached to be on season 13 by a producer as she was sitting in a bar in Nashville. Ultimately, Cassi was eliminated in a unanimous vote, which is a shame because I was just starting to find her accent to be a little bit sexy (I also had a strong urge to take up fishing).

After Cassi left, the house guests participated in a Head of Household competition where they had to answer questions based upon how they thought America responded in a poll about their fellow house mates. The competition came down to Rachel and Brendon in the final two, with Rachel once again winning HOH. While I was upset to see Rachel win another HOH, at least Porsche was noticeably upset over America having voted that they would rather see Daniele wear nothing but a bikini for the rest of the summer than her.

Good news Cassi fans, she has apparently posed naked...but unlike Rachel's pictures, her's are totally classy

Big Brother 13 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 2:

11. Kalia - Alright, I've been calling Kalia out for not demonstrating any personality, but it looks like she actually had a knock-down drag-out fight with Jeff over homosexuality, which I guess Big Brother decided was too controversial to air. Nonetheless, Kalia is a floater, and while she may not be the next contestant to go home, she definitely won't be making it to the end without a major change in her game play.

10. Lawon - Lawon wants so badly to be the most quotable person in the house like Britney was on Big Brother 12, he just very seldom says anything very interesting that doesn't involve chocolate factories. It's almost like he's the Julie Chen of Big Brother contestants...only he's not always pregnant with Maury Povich's babies.

9. Adam - Props to Adam for naming his partnership with Dominic "PB and J," which is short for "Pretty Boy and Jew." I once heard a PB and J described as "an unholy union of food," which is a befitting description of Adam's relationship with Dominic.

8. Porsche - While Porsche assumed that she would step in and fill the role of "prettiest girl in the house" once Cassi was gone, sadly, that title now belongs to Brendon.

7. Shelly - I like how Shelly cried in the Diary Room about how she was torn-up about how she concealed betraying her alliance with Cassi and the other "Newbies" given how she raises her children not to lie and she wants to be a good role model for them on television, yet she still didn't come clean about it even though she had the chance. At least she felt bad about it, which makes her unlike most women.

6. Rachel - After Cassi was voted out Rachel stated, "You are the worst game player probably ever in Big Brother. To say I'm catty and I'm bitchy and I don't like girls, there's no truth, I just don't like you,"....which pretty much just proved Cassi's whole point.

5. Brendon - After Rachel and Cassi had their confrontation, Brendon tried to stand up for Rachel by starting an argument with Cassi (who's probably the most upfront player in the game) and calling her a liar. That simply proved that Brendon has the balls to call out a world class model, but not the Vegas call-girl that he calls his fiance.

4. Dominic - This week we saw an interview with Dominic's life-long female "best friend," who informed us that he is a home-schooled mama's boy who has never even slept away from home. She also noted how he "really understands women," and how he "acts" like he likes Dani. Translation - "Dominic's gay, I'm his hag, and he's totally leading Daniele on to try and get further in the game." In any event, aligning himself with Daniele was a good play, and I have to admit that this kid's game is pretty underrated by the other housemates.

3. Jeff - It was awesome to see Jeff go off on Rachel after she got bitchy with Jordan over her effort during the POV challenge. Jeff even suggested that Brendon "needs to do whatever he has to do - pet her ego, stroke her red hair,* bedazzle whatever she's wearing, and get her in check."
*(Editors note - In no way, shape or form has Rachel been certified as either a true or honorary red-head by The Red Mieni)

2. Jordan - Believe it or not, I have to admit that Jordan was pretty much the most level-headed and rational competitor in the game last week, which is almost as odd to me as typing something along the lines of Rachel being the prettiest girl in the house.

1. Daniele - Quietly, Daniele is controlling this game. She remains close to her original "Dynamic Duo" alliances, yet she has also formed a strong bond with Dominic to give her ties to the "Newbies" as well. Then again, Daniele is apparently good at crossing over, as she demonstrated by her relationship with fellow reality star Ozzy from Survivor.

BBB13 (Blogging Big Brother 13) - Rachel's not the Vegas party girl anymore, she's practically my wife"

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Of the eight new players in the game who vowed to stick together, Dominic recruited Keith, Lawon and Cassi to form a side alliance for a block of votes to protect themselves in the event any of them were nominated and had to go up against their partners for eviction. Keith, clearly having uttered this phrase before, demanded that they "KEEP THAT...ON THE LOW!" He then inexplicably came up with "The Regulators" as the name for their alliance. Personally, I thought the perfect name would have been "The Down Low," especially with Keith and Lawon in the group. As a close second I would have gone with "The Brand Nubians," but then again, that's just me.

At the Have/ Have Not Competition the contestants dressed up in absorbent cow suits and soaked up liquid as their teammates attempted to "milk" them the fastest. Keith saw an opportunity, and wasted no time putting Dominic in an "Evil Dick."

Keith may be a self proclaimed ladies man from Chi-town, but he had no problem taking Dominic to pound town.

Shelly proclaimed, " I felt like I was in a women's prison fight, instead of dripping blood, I was dripping milk. As it turned out, Shelly, Cassi, Lawon and Kalia wound up as "Have-Nots," and got stuck eating slop and sleeping in an asylum style bedroom where the lights remained on for the entire week.

In a shocking development, "Evel Dick" was called to the diary room and did not return to the house. Despite initial speculation that "Evel Dick" had contracted incurable genital herpes on his forehead after going ass to face with his daughter Daniele in the first Head of Household Competition, he ultimately released a statement indicating that he and his immediate family were safe and in good health. He later stated via a video on his website that it was a close friend who had some sort of undisclosed emergency that he had to attend to. Rumors still exist that this was a calculated move to catapult his daughter Daniele further into the game, but at this point there are no clear answers to exactly why he left, just "Evel Dick's" rather vague and self promoting official statement.

Having already won Big Brother 8, was "Evel Dick's" departure just a publicity stunt?

While they outnumbered the "Dynamic Duos" who returned to the show, the "Newbies" began to fragment, as Porsche happily jumped at the opportunity to dump her alliance and play alongside the veterans. Despite having the support of his newly formed side alliance, Keith alienated himself from the other "Newbies" when he inexplicably attacked Kalia for being loyal to the "Dynamic Duos."

In one of the dumber moves in Big Brother history, Keith threw the Power of Veto Challenge, as did Porsche, although she did so knowing that she had the backing of the "Dynamic Duos." Brendon and Rachel won the Power of Veto and decided to keep Rachel's initial nominations in tact. This lead to Keith being eliminated by a 6-4 vote, with Jordan, Jeff, Daniele, Brendon, Kalia and Shelly all voting against him. Shocked that he had thrown the Power of Veto Challenge, Julie Chen asked Keith on his way out of the house if he had ever watched the game before. When Keith responded that he had, Julie playfully asked, "Are you sure?"

Following the eviction ceremony, the housemates played a game of closest to the pin miniature golf to determine the next Head of Household. Jordan ended up winning, thereby preserving the "Dymanic Duos" position of power in the game for at least another week.

Big Brother 13 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 1:

12. Dominic - Dominic totally got man raped by Keith during the Have/ Have Not Competition. His official response, "I didn't like it too much, but eating the food made it all better." Well, alrighty then! As the leader of "The Regulators," and with the veterans in control after having won yet another Head of Household Competition, Dominic could very well find himself on the chopping block this week.

11. Lawon - In reference to the possibility of winning the "Big Brother Golden Key" Lawon proclaimed, "The Golden Key, I feel like Charlie at the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory." While he may not have the Golden Key, and I'm not sure about the Wonka; I'm pretty certain that Lawon is no stranger to the Willy, and this definitely wasn't his first trip to the "chocolate factory."

10. Cassi - This girl is incredibly hot, and she still hasn't even started losing weight yet. Oh wait, that's Survivor. Unfortunately she's already been violated by an actor in Aaron Eckhart, a Jason Aldean wanna be country singer in Lee Brice, a hockey player, and possibly even a star NFL player.  Anyways, Cassi hit the nail on the head when she said that Keith "came in here to play the Dating Game, and this is the Big Brother game." I just hope that he at least buys Dominic dinner after the show is over.

Bonus points if you can tell which one Jason Aldean is and which one is Lee Brice, with "bonus points" meaning  please don't ever return to my blog.

9. Kalia - She just seems like a waste of space on the show. Sadly, I'd almost rather have one of the all-time Big Brother DB's like Mike Boogie or Jesse on the show instead of her unless she picks her game and personality up real quick.

8. Adam - The "Dynamic Duos" seem to think that Adam is playing on their side even though he didn't vote with them in this week's secret vote at the Eviction Ceremony. Later, the "Heavy Metal Teddy Bear" was asked who his favorite Beverly Hills 90210 character was in response to a viewer submitted question. Without hesitation Adam bellowed out, "DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES!!!" three times, each time louder and more Satanic than the prior. In related news, Tori Spelling applied for a restraining order against Adam with the LAPD... while her mom filed an objection against that request on Adam's behalf.

7. Shelly - Aside from Porsche, Shelly seems to have the best rapport of all the "Newbies" with the "Dynamic Duos." In trying to describe the Have/ Have Not Competition where the housemates tried to soak up and run with milk while wearing absorbent cow suits, Shelly said, "you're carrying 60-70 pounds of milk, and your body's just not used to that." Strangely, that's exactly what the chiropractor said about Rachel in her medical records, only he used the term silicon instead of milk.

6. Porsche - Obviously used to being the prettiest girl in the room, Porsche clearly seems threatened by  Cassi's presence in the house. She's resorted to passive aggressive comments like, "She just seems fake to me." Porsche also had a shirt made up that says, "You can look, but you can't touch" that she read to Keith after his eviction.You just know that Porsche was waiting to break that shirt out regardless of who the first male eviction was, and she's so full of herself that she didn't even realize that  Keith was not so secretly gay.

5. Rachel - Speaking of full of herself, Rachel declared, "You have a hot beautiful fiance who's in love with with you - who calls you 'Bookie,'" in response to Brendon becomming upset with her for "emasculating" him by continually calling him by her pet name for him in front of the housemates. To Brendon's credit, she told him that she loved him three times before he bothered to reciprocate, which is a 180 degree role reversal from their relationship last summer on Big Brother 12. I'm really Brendon for growing a pair of nuts...they're not as big as Rachel's, but I'm still proud of him.

4. Brendon - In yet another sign of their incompatibility, Brendon became upset with Rachel's late night theatrics in the house when he whined, "Rachel's not the Vegas party girl anymore, she's practically my wife." If the poor dude would just listen to himself say that statement out loud I think he would have all the information he needs to decide against moving forward in that relationship. Brendon doesn't realize that you go to Vegas to find strippers, not wives. But as strip club economics goes, by agreeing to a dance with...I mean marry Rachel, he'll be getting a two-for-one...and possibly a free t-shirt. Unless Brendon wises up pretty soon I'm beginning to see a reality spin-off in our near future - Rachel and Brendon's Vegas Wedding, with the cliff-hanger focussing on the couple anxiously waiting on the results of Rachel's HIV test.

3. Daniele - One of the better moments this week occurred after "Evel Dick" left the house and host Julie Chen interviewed Daniele following his taped message to the housemates letting them know that he was alright. Julie asked Daniele, "No I love you?" A startled Daniele replied, "Oh my gosh, that's so awkward! Obviously I do love my father, he's my biological father and he brought me here...this is sooo awkward!" Let's just say that when your daughter refers to you as her "biological father," it's pretty much equivalent to the girl you like calling you her "friend."

2. Jordan - So, last week as I was trying to figure out Jordan and Jeff's relationship, I came to the conclusion that she must not fart, as that would be the only logical way that he would put up with somebody so completely clueless. Then, just minutes into the week's second episode, Jordan ripped a big fart on camera as she and Jeff were laying in beg together and then started laughing about it...I just don't get it.

1. Jeff - I know Jordan won Big Brother the last time they played, but Jeff is like the guy that drops his career to care for his senile grandmother. This guy simply deserves to win this game regardless of his strategy, his social game, or whether or not his girlfriend previously won the $500,000...wait a minute, I think I just figured out why he puts up with her.

Awkward Search Result of the Week that Brought a Web Surfer to my Blog: "A reason to live w/small penis," from San Jose, CA. Sadly, I think I'm more embarrassed that this guy wound up on my site based on his key word search than he was for having typed it.

BBB13 (Blogging Big Brother 13) - "You probably just saw my bottom...one of my best features is my personality!"



Click here to get the most up to date Blogging Big Brother 13 posts

A new season of Big Brother is upon us, and at just the right time. I was starting to undergo some serious reality television withdrawal!

It's amazing how the reality television genre has shifted heavily towards American Idol themed talent contests, when just a few years ago I could look forward to a number trashy social interaction classics like Paradise Hotel and Temptation Island in addition to Big Brother. Now I'm stuck with summer shows like Expedition Impossible to satisfy my reality thirst, or as I like to call it, "The Not So Amazing Race." Hell, I would even settle for Rock of Love - Cycle 16.0 had it not been for Brett Michaels' untimely death, which in turn caused VH-1 to cancel all reality shows involving white people who did not get grandfathered in through Flavor of Love or one of it's various spin-offs.

This season's theme for Big Brother is "Double Trouble," where eight new house guests have to pair up with one another as partners instead of competing as individuals. They will then be forced to compete along with three "dynamic duo's" that are made up of former "Big Brother" contestants. Another twist is that the two housemates up for eviction each week will be teammates, although each of the nominees that survive the eviction ceremonies in weeks 1-4 will receive a "Big Brother Golden Key" and automatically advance to the final 10.

My immediate impression of the format? Choose your partner wisely, as the person that you think is your ideal running mate could end up throwing you under the bus at the first sign of trouble. In fact, they should have called this year's twist the "Sarah Palin Project."

The new cast mates were immediately asked to pair up. Keith - an ultra-religious but self proclaimed ladies man from Illinois, immediately stood up and asked Porsche - a VIP cocktail waitress from South Beach, to be his partner. She awkwardly accepted.

Shelly - a hunting and fishing outdoor experience executive from Louisiana, and Cassi - a tomboy model from Nashville who likes to fish, quickly formed a bond over their love of killing animals and men.

Adam - a huge bald guy from New Jersey who loves heavy metal almost as much as he likes Beverly Hills 90210, asked to partner with Dominic - a 25 year old "model" from California, who likes to ride his street motorcycle through suburban strip malls really fast in order to overcompensate for: a) still living with his mom, b) still being a virgin, c) his really small penis, or d) all of the above.

Finally, Kalia - a relationship blogger who is essentially the African-American version of Carrie from Sex in the City, expressed disappointment over winding up with Lawon - a flamboyant legal clerk from Los Angeles, whom she feels will disrupt her game strategy to lay low. Apparently his game strategy consists of staying on the "not so down low."

The returning couples were then introduced, with last season's most dysfunctional couple Brendon and Rachel entering the house first -suprise - as an engaged couple! As Dominic described, "'Brachel" is a beast of a couple, it is a male named Brendon and a female named Rachel." Unfortunately, Rachel's penis took exception with that statement and totally devoured Dominic, so he is now off the show. The next announcement was for Jordan - the cognitively challenged winner of Big Brother 11 who makes Ms. South Carolina look smart, and Jeff - the boyfriend who has dated her since they appeared on the show together. Last but not least, Big Brother 8 winner "Evel Dick" returned with his smoking hot, but once again estranged daughter, Daniele.

I was disappointed to see that Big Brother did not make any effort to amp-up their competitions for this season, as the Head of Household contest simply required the contestants to hold onto a giant hanging banana that was occasionally slathered with chocolate and whipped cream longer than any of their opponents. Sure this was a springboard for a few disgusting comments from Hepatitis-C positive and eventual HOH winner Rachel such as, "I spend most of my time on bananas...and then you get shot with whipped cream on the face," but I'm pretty sure she still would have uttered that exact same quote had the contest involved reciting bible verses or doing NASCAR drivers.

Big Brother 13 Power Ratings - Each week I'm going rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after Episode 1:

14. Rachel - As Head of Household Rachel is safe this week, but that also guarantees that she will be eligible to be nominated for eviction next week. We also have no idea which duo that she might be thinking of targeting at this early point in the game. So over the long term, and given that her housemates and the rest of America find her personality to be as annoying as she finds it when her penis accidentally grinds against Brendon's when they are having sex, she's a sure bet to leave the house relatively early (assuming you don't believe in conspiracy theories that may allow her to stick around for a few weeks as a villain in order to increase ratings for CBS).

13. Brendon - With Rachel winning Head of Household he's also going to be safe this week. However, the returning contestants will definitely be targeted in future weeks by the new house guests given that they are outnumbered 8-6, and Brendon simply isn't all that likable so long as he's affiliated with Rachel. I'm just surprised that Brendon and Rachel announced that they are now engaged given that: a) she repeatedly emasculated him on camera last season in spite of his repeated proclamations of love, and b) Brendon actually got busted for cheating on RACHEL when she discovered that he was sending pictures of his junk to some random girl over the internet triggering this classic video apology!

12. Daniele - Talk about a hot girl with daddy issues, I really need to meet this Daniele chick! You would probably think I was kidding if I said that she wrapped her legs around a giant banana with her partially exposed ass just inches above the face of a guy who calls himself "Evel Dick" in the first episode tonight. Did I forget to mention that "Evel Dick" also just happens to be her estranged father? Daniele might not last long on Big Brother 13, but I'm absolutely certain that she's good in bed.

11. Evel Dick - Okay, I'm only going to be nice here because the near rape that took place between "Evel Dick" and his daughter during tonight's HOH competition was simply better than any verbal jab I could ever dream up. Let's just say that from this day forward, whenever a father puts his daughter in a sexually compromising position, I'm going to refer to it as "putting her in the Evil Dick." For example - during her murder trial, Casey Anthony's attorney alleged that her father repeatedly put her in the "Evil Dick" when she was a child.

10. Jordan - As a former Big Brother winner, no mentally challenged person has had a bigger target on their back in a reality show since Chris Burke appeared with Tonya Harding as his partner on Skating with the Stars...that is, not counting all of the times that Kenny has been on any of the Real World/Road Rule Challenges.

9. Jeff - He seems like a nice enough guy and all, but he has to be praying like hell that Jordan doesn't mention anything about them having sex for fear of getting charged with statutory rape for having intercourse with a retard. I particularly liked the part in tonight's episode where he was able to explain to her that a year is actually more than 9 months long without even getting angry or annoyed with her in even the slightest way.

8. Porsche - Doomed to be a VIP cocktail waitress in a douche magnet town like South Beach from the moment her parents admittedly named her after a douchey sports car. Porsche proudly proclaimed after twirling in her mini-skirt for a fellow housemate, "you probably just saw my bottom! One of my best features is my personality...the doctors did help a little bit."


Is Porsche really all that hot? Not really, but I'm only saying that because my girlfriend is probably going to read this.

7. Keith - Keith is a youth minister who keeps going out of his way to insist how much of a player and ladies man he really is. When people do that it always kind of raises my suspicions a little bit...it's kind of like being around the Notre Dame Leprechaun.

6. Adam - The self proclaimed "Heavy Metal Teddy Bear" has already demonstrated an annoying propensity to grunt out a satanic like "HO!" whenever he gets the chance. He has also proudly proclaimed an affinity for the television show Beverly Hills 90210.  It's almost as if Adam is the love spawn of an affair gone bad between WWF legend Jim "Hacksaw" Duggan the heavy metal band Electric Hellfire Club, only the Electric Hellfire Club clearly prefers them some Charles in Charge over that weak ass 90210 shit.

The Electric Hellfire Club and Nancy Grace were quite pleased when the Rapture did not come on May 21, 2011

5. Lawon - Has anyone ever faked being gay just to get on a reality show? Maybe it's just a hunch, but Lawon's almost too flamboyant. Call me skeptical.

4. Kalia - She's definitely going to fly under the radar for a little while, but I'm still trying to figure out how an ugly sex writer ended up on the show.

3. Shelly - This country girl is all business. I would keep her around for the sole reason that there is an outside chance that she ends up doing it with Cassi (and fuck you for judging, I am a guy after all...).

2. Dominic - What can I say, girls love douchey guys who like to wear wife-beaters and drive Camaros or ride street bikes. Dominic is hoping to win Big Brother 13 so he can use the money to buy a new Ninja 1000. Why? Because Kawasaki lets the good times roll - bitches!

1. Cassi - Alright, she must be hot, because not only am I putting her at the top spot pretty much just because of her looks, but I'm also overlooking the fact that she's a complete and total redneck. Seriously, if I saw a bio like hers on a site like Match.com and it said that she likes to fish, hunt and go muddin' I'd like to say that I'd automatically rule her out...but then I looked at her pictures and she totally became datable!

2011 NFL Draft Grades

Grading Scale:
A = Tremendous value for a player who should make an immediate impact.
B = Good value for a player who will immediately play a solid role.
C = Decent player who should contribute.
D = Player of questionable value, ability, character, or fit for team's system.
E = Tremendous reach for a player of questionable ability.

1. Carolina Panthers – Cam Newton, QB, Carolina
Grade: D-
Analysis: Projecting Cam Newton to be your quarterback is a risky proposition. Drafting him with the first overall pick in the draft is utterly insane. Then again, Carolina owner Jerry Richardson is said to the be the one who was enamoured with Newton, so there you go. Quite simply, the 10 - yard out is the bread and butter throw that any starting caliber NFL quarterback must be able to make. Newton has not even demonstrated the ability to make that throw in his workouts, let alone when there are defenders on the field. Now the only question is whether or not the Panthers will take a quarterback three years in a row when they have the first overall pick in next year's draft and Stanford's Andrew Luck is on the board.

2. Denver Broncos – Von Miller, OLB, Texas A and M
Grade: B-
Analysis: I think Von Miller is an elite talent, I just don't think he projects as well in a 4-3 defense as he does in a 3-4. I also question Denver's decision to go with Miller when they are absolutely devoid of talent at the defensive tackle position given their release of starters Jamal Williams and Justin Bannan as they transition from a 3-4 to a 4-3 this season, especially when Nick Fairley and Marcell Dareus were on the board and rated similarly to Miller in terms of draft grade.

3. Buffalo Bills – Marcell Dareus, DT, Alabama
Grade: B
Analysis: While I don't think Dareus is an elite playmaker, he is the type solid run stopper that the Bills were in desperate need of on their front seven. I applaud the Bills for resisting the urge to take a quarterback, none of whom were deserving of being selected with a high first round pick in this year's draft. I was going to say that GM Buddy Nix is not necessarily crazy after all, but his shrink threatened me with legal action if I put that statement in writing.  

4. Cincinnati Bengals – A.J. Green, WR, Georgia
Grade: B
Analysis: Sure, A.J. Green is regarded as an elite talent at wide receiver, but I'm not sure that the Bengals really needed to draft a wide receiver given their other needs and the wealth of talent on the defensive line in this year's draft. Nonetheless, he steps in immediately as a starter following the pending releases of Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens. He just might have to wait a few years until the Bengals find a quarterback who can get him the ball...and no, Andy Dalton is NOT the answer.

5. Arizona Cardinals – Patrick Peterson, CB, LSU
Grade: B+
Analysis: While the Cardinals would have loved an elite 3-4 pass rusher like Von Miller, it is hard to argue with the value of drafting Patrick Peterson, who will team with Dominque Rodgers-Cromartie to give them a dynamic tandem at cornerback. I like the idea of Peterson playing conservative lock down coverage, with the Cardinals letting DRC gamble a little bit, meaning that he either returns an interception for a touchdown or gets burned deep on every single play that comes his way.

6. Atlanta (from Cleveland) – Julio Jones, WR, Alabama
Grade: D+
Analysis: Giving up two first round picks, a second round pick, and two fourth round picks for any player is too much, let alone for a risky position like wide receiver. Not only have there been more first round busts at wide receiver than any other position aside from maybe quarterback, but Atlanta just traded away the better part of two entire drafts for Julio Jones...not Calvin Johnson...but Julio Fucking Jones!! With only a handful of picks remaining over the next few years, I was pleased to see that the Falcons still found a way to grab a punter in the 6th round. However, since I am only grading first round picks I'm unable to lower their grade any further...even though I really want to.  

7. San Francisco 49ers – Aldon Smith, OLB/DE, Missouri
Grade: C-
Analysis: A prominent NFL scouting director told me that Aldon Smith has the potential to be one of the biggest busts at DE/OLB since Aaron Maybin of the Buffalo Bills. Robert Quinn not only would have been the safer pick, but he probably would have had more upside. Then again, San Francisco just seems to love taking it up the rear from dudes named "A. Smith."

8. Tennessee Titans – Jake Locker, QB, Washington
Grade: D+
Analysis: Not only are there many questions surrounding Jake Locker's accuracy given his inability to complete passes against competition at the college level, but the Titans made a tremendous reach to draft him without trading down. Sure Washington might have been looking at Locker at the 10th pick, which should've have been the first red flag for Tennessee to go against their draft board and look elsewhere for their quarterback of the future.

9. Dallas Cowboys – Tyron Smith, OT, USC
Grade: B
Analysis: For the first time since the departures of Gil Brandt, Jimmy Johnson and Bill Parcells, Jerry Jones actually made a nice first round pick that had value and filled a glaring area of need. Then again, he promptly made up for it by wasting his third round pick on yet another running back.

10. Jacksonville Jaguars (from Washington) – Blaine Gabbert, QB, Missouri
Grade: C-
Analysis: For the life of me I can't figure out why Jacksonville would give up a second round pick in order to select Missouri quarterback Blaine Gabbert. Sure any guy named Blaine will look great in teal and pink during the NFL's breast cancer awareness month (and yes, that IS an indirect Pretty in Pink reference in a sports column), but there are not many people who think that Gabbert will develop into any better of a quarterback than current starter David Garrard. If Jacksonville wanted to reach on a quarterback, they should have concentrated on saving their franchise by drafting Florida quarterback Tim Tebow last year. That way they could have secured season ticket orders from Gainesville, FL religious zealot Terry Jones and his two parishioners...which would have only left the Jags 11,997 tickets short of getting blacked out every week. Speaking of Jesus, when are the Jags finally going to get it over with and move this franchise to L.A.?

 11. Houston Texans – J.J. Watt, DE, Wisconsin

Grade: B

Analysis: Not only was J.J. Watt a nice pick as a 5 technique end in their 3-4 defense, but they took Arizona OLB/DE Brooks Reed in the second round. I would say that this team has an affinity for white dudes, but then I remembered that they took a chance on a certain undrafted African-American running back who lead the NFL in rushing last year named Arian Foster...Wait a minute! WTF?!!

12. Minnesota Vikings – Christian Ponder, QB, Florida State

Grade: D+

Analysis: So, the Vikings passed on huge positions of need when highly rated players like DT Nick Fairley and DE Robert Quinn were still available and made a big time reach for a weak armed quarterback with a history of arm injuries? While I don't think that Christian Ponder is the man to replace Brett Favre behind center, he is way ahead of him when it comes to his success with the women.

I'd take Christian Ponder's girlfriend over Jenn Sterger any day.

13. Detroit Lions – Nick Fairley, DT, Alabama

Grade: A-

Analysis: When Matt Millen was still the Lions GM, bust worthy wide receivers climbed up draft boards and enticed the Lions into drafting them. In the Martin Mayhew era, game changing defensive tackles just seem to fall from the sky to Detroit. I'm Fairley Suh it all has to do with karma, but maybe lazy and drug addicted wide receivers just naturally gravitate towards mustaches con queso.* In any event the "Silver Rush" of the early 80's just re-emerged as the "Silver Crush."

*A "mustache con queso" is a cheesy mustache

14. St. Louis Rams – Robert Quinn, DE, North Carolina

Grade: A-

Analysis: While the Rams have a history of wasting high first round picks on defensive linemen, this time I actually like this pick. You use your high first round picks on swift rush ends like Robert Quinn, not stiff base ends like Chris Long and Adam Carriker...Awww, somebody is learning!

15. Miami Dolphins – Mike Pouncey, G/C, Florida

Grade: B-

Analysis: Mike Pouncey was able to capitalize on the success that his twin brother had with the Pittsburgh Steelers as an All Pro guard in his rookie season, much like Charlie O'Connell parlayed being Jerry O'Connell's less successful twin brother into a gig as ABC's "The Bachelor." Oh wait, that's not exactly a compliment, is it?

16. Washington Pigskins (from Jacksonville) - Ryan Kerrigan, DE/OLB, Purdue

Grade: B

Analysis: Cheers for trading back and getting a much needed second round pick to go along with a much needed 3-4 pass rusher. Jeers for insisting to any NFL insider who would listen that either Rex Grossman or John Beck really will be your starting quarterback this season, and then following up on it by not drafting ANY quarterbacks.

17. New England Patriots (from Oakland) – Nate Solder, OT, Colorado

Grade: B

Analysis: This was a solid pick at a position of need by the Patriots, but I question why they decided to go with Nate Solder instead of Anthony Castonzo, who was graded higher by most scouts and draft analysts. Could it be because they knew Solder was coveted by their rivals in Indianapolis? The Patriots have such an inferiority complex, I'm pretty sure that Tom Brady would hit on Peyton Manning's wife and jeopardize his relationship with supermodel Gisele Bundchen if thought he could get under his skin and throw him off his game.

18. San Diego Chargers – Corey Liuget, DT, Illinois

Grade: B-

Analysis: Corey Liuget of Illinois a fairly solid pick by the Chargers at the 18th selection. I just question whether a nose tackle like Phil Taylor of Baylor would have been a better fit than Liuget, who is probably better suited to play DT in a 4-3 defense, especially when Cameron Jordan clearly projects as the better end in a 3-4. Then again, it's all part of A.J. Smith's master plan to avoid playing in the Super Bowl at any cost.

19. New York Giants – Prince Amukamara, CB, Nebraska

Grade: B+

Analysis: The Giants received tremendous value in Nebraska cornerback Prince Amukamara falling to them at the 19th pick. I wanted to grade this pick a little higher, but Amukmara is yet to show that he's an elite playmaker with ball skills. Still a good pick though, "Crazy Carl" would be proud. 

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Adrian Clayborn, DE, Iowa

Grade: B

Analysis: While I think Adrian Clayborn is a decent player, he's not exactly the elite pass rusher that most analysts thought the Bucs should take in the first round. Fortunately, they got a Mulligan and were able to draft Da'Quan Bowers of Clemson in the second round.

21. Cleveland Browns (from Kansas City) – Phil Taylor, DT, Baylor

Grade: A

Analysis: While Phil Taylor doesn't exactly blow me away, he's a solid player considering the Browns acquired him in addition to the astonishing 1st, 2nd and two 4th round picks that they received in return for trading the 6th overall pick to the Atlanta Falcons for the 27th pick. I'm just surprised that the Browns didn't give up all of those extra picks when they traded with Kansas City for the 21st selection given their history of getting abused whenever they try to move up in the draft.

22. Indianapolis Colts – Anthony Castanzo, OT, Boston College

Grade: A-

Analysis: Not only did Indy address a glaring need on their offensive line, but they probably got the best value available on their draft board with Anthony Castonzo falling to them at the 22nd pick. Fortunately for Colts fans, Bill Polian is not Bill Tobin.

Sadly, the video of Kiper's original exchange with Tobin could not be located, but this video is worth watching if for no other reason than the classic snarky shot that ESPN anchor Keith Olbermann takes at Tobin at the end of his rant.

23. Philadelphia Eagles - Danny Watkins, C, Baylor

Grade: C+

Analysis: The Eagles can certainly use some help on their offensive line, although Watkins may have been a slight reach this early in the draft, especially when Gabe Carimi was still on the board. Given Watkins background as a firefighter and his visits to "ground zero" and the NYFD while he was in New York for the draft, I have to think that "Fireman Ed" was hoping that he'd go to his J-E-T-S!

I'm pretty sure that Danny Watkins was drafted by the wrong team. Leave it to the city of Philadelphia to mess up fate.

24. New Orleans Saints – Cameron Jordan, DE, Cal

Grade: A-

Analysis: Not only does he fill a position of need for the Saints at defensive end, and not only is he versatile enough to move inside on passing downs much like Mike Hargrove, but some draft analysts thought he could have been a top ten pick. I'm just surprised that Mickey Loomis didn't turn in a draft card for Jordan Cameron, the TE - Southern California instead of Cameron Jordan, the DE out of California after after he foolishly overpayed to move back into the first round and select Mark Ingram, Jr.

25. Seattle Seahawks – James Carpenter, OT, Alabama

Grade: D+

Analysis: This pick was an incredible reach by the Seahawks. I'm not a big fan of drafting offensive linemen who can only play right tackle in the first round. If Seattle's target really was Alabama tackle James Carpenter over someone like the more highly regarded Gabe Carimi, I would have suggested trading down to the top of the third round where most analysts projected him to go. At the very least, the Seahawks should have made tentative arrangements for a trade with Chicago in order to allow them to pass on a couple of draft slots and save a few bucks.

26. Kansas City Chiefs – Jonathan Baldwin, WR, Pittsburgh

Grade: C

Analysis: The Chiefs made nice moves in picking up an extra 3rd round pick by moving back from the 21st spot to the 27th pick, and then by moving up one spot from the 27th pick to the 26th when Baltimore failed to turn in their selection within the allotted time. Unfortunately, Kansas City reached to take Pittsburgh receiver Jonathan Baldwin, who will compliment Dwayne Bowe perfectly when it comes to big athletic receivers who lack focus and work ethic (see Detroit Lions, 2003-2005).

27. Baltimore Ravens – Jimmy Smith, CB, Colorado
Grade: C

Analysis: While the Ravens looked foolish when their time on the clock expired and Kansas City leap-frogged them to take the 26th pick, it was actually because Chicago GM Jerry Angelo failed to report a trade where the Ravens would have traded down to the 29th pick. In any event, it looks like the Ravens got the player they were targeting in cornerback Jimmy Smith, who fills an immediate need in their secondary, although Ravens did miss out on the 4th round pick that Chicago had agreed to trade them in order to move up (more on this below).

28. New Orleans Saints (from New England) – Mark Ingram, Jr., RB, Alabama

Grade: D

Analysis: Note on how not to manage the draft - don't trade your second round pick and a first round pick the following season in order to trade back into the first round for a running back who not only was projected to fall to the second round, but has a skill set that is nearly identical to the undrafted you already have.

29. Chicago Bears - Gabe Carimi, OT, Wisconsin

Grade: B+

Analysis: The Bears stayed at the 29th pick and got the offensive tackle that they targeted in Gabe Carimi. Of course, Bears GM Jerry Angelo actually tried to trade their 4th round pick in order to move up with with Baltimore to get him three spots earlier, but admittedly botched that trade when he failed to report it to the league while the Ravens were still on the clock. While this whole scenario reeks of the Bears mismanaging their team's war room, I guess I can't downgrade a team when their mistake actually netted them the same player that they were targeting and saved them a 4th round pick. Then again, Baltimore still might be seeking compensation from the Bears for that mistake.

30. New York Jets – Muhammad Wikerson, DE/DT, Temple

Grade: B

Analysis: Muhammad Wilkerson is a solid pick who will fit the 3-4 defensive system that Rex Ryan runs. Sadly, I long for the days when the Jets botched their first round pick on an annual basis.

31. Pittsburgh Steelers – Cameron Heyward, DE, Ohio State

Grade: B

Analysis: Cameron Heyward was a solid pick this late in the first round, as he fills one of several positions of need for the Steelers. Bonus points for bringing the son of former NFL star Craig "Ironhead" Heyward to the "Steel City." I already see an endorsement deal for him with Iron City Brewery. Draftees can technically endorse alcohol if there's a lockout, right?

32. Green Bay Packers – Derek Sherrod, OT, Missippi State

Grade: B

Analysis: Coincidence or not? The Detroit Lions picked Nick Fairley to pair with Ndamukong Suh (who knocked Aaron Rodgers out of their game last season with a concussion), and the Packers proceeded to draft additional help for their offensive line with Mississippi State's Derek Sherrod. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but the Packers did refuse to trade down three spots into the top of the second round for an additional mid round pick from Cincinnati (who wanted to secure Andy Dalton) because they feared that either New England or Buffalo would draft Sherrod. Sherrod may not start right away, but he will provide Green Bay with some much needed depth and peace of mind at tackle until he does.

And with the draft over and a pending lockout, here's to next year's football season!

Final 2011 NFL Mock Draft: Your Complete First Round NFL Draft Guide

Here is my Final 2011 NFL Mock Draft. It may be updated slightly on draft day if any late breaking changes are warranted.

My mock draft has been linked by The Football Fan Spot, Sports Jabber, DC Pro Sports Report, Walter Football, FF Toolbox, hailRedskins.com, The Football Expert, and No Limits Sportsline Fantasy Sports in their Mock Draft Databases. If you're a draftnik like me, be sure to click on their hyperlinks and check out all of their extensive NFL Draft related material.

I would like to give special thanks to Dave-Te' Thomas of Scouting Services, Inc. and The NFL Draft Guide. Dave-Te' is also the official player biographer for the NFL. He was gracious enough to provide me with his 2011 draft ratings and some of his in depth player profiles that can be found on Scout.com. Definitely check his work out, it is amazing stuff!

This is not a mock draft where I attempt play general manager and substitute my own judgment for the 32 NFL teams. I do my best to research what particular players or positions each team may be targeting by searching the internet and listening to Sirius NFL Radio for tips from reliable beat writers and NFL insiders in order to provide links and analysis as to why I think a particular player may end up going to the team that I have him slotted to.

1. Carolina Panthers – Cam Newton, QB, Auburn: The Panthers could use help at quarterback, defensive tackle and defensive end. With talented players available at each position, it's up to the Panthers front office to determine which position is the most worthy of the first overall pick of the draft. Almost all reports have them going with a franchise quarterback at this point. If they do, it appears as if owner Jerry Richardson's interest lies in Cam Newton.
http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2011/04/02/2192253/newton-will-bring-smiles-with.html; http://www.heraldonline.com/2011/04/07/2971220/mock-draft-50-mock-in-the-usa.html

2. Denver Broncos – Von Miller, OLB, Texas A and M: Denver had the worst ranked defense in the league last season, and ex-head coach Josh McDaniel and GM Brian Xanders have left that unit nearly devoid of talent. As the Broncos transition back to a 4-3 defense, they have some major holes to fill on the interior of their defensive line after releasing tackles Jamal Williams and Justin Bannan. With Marcell Dareus and Nick Fairley being two of the better prospects in this year's draft, defensive tackle seems like the logical and only choice with the second overall pick. In fact, NFL Network draft analyst Mike Mayock is on record as having said that his NFL inside sources would consider it a major surprise if the Broncos do not select Dareus. However, breaking news suggests that the Broncos covet outside pass rusher Von Miller of Texas A and M. http://rob-rang.blogs.cbssports.com/mcc/blogs/entry/13682485/28898114?source=rss_blogs_NFL%20Draft; http://www.denverpost.com/broncos/ci_17504686;
http://espn.go.com/blog/afcwest/post/_/id/24799/heres-looking-at-no-2;http://www.denverpost.com/broncos/ci_17522231; http://www.denverpost.com/broncos/ci_17710306; http://chat.nfl.com/front/index/1468

3. Buffalo Bills – Marcell Dareus, DT, Alabama: If Marcell Dareus is available with the third pick, he would definitely draw consideration from the Bills. While Buffalo GM Buddy Nix has acknowledged that the Bills don't necessarily need a quarterback after Ryan Fitzpatrick had a career year under Chan Gailey, he has also indicated that they would not pass on a player if they view him as their franchise quarterback of the future. While Nix and owner Ralph Wilson seem enamored on Cam Newton, he appears to be headed to Carolina. In that scenario, the question becomes whether the Bills view Blaine Gabbert of Missouri as a franchise quarterback. While it could be a smokescreen, the buzz does not seem to be there, and the Bills seem to be leaning towards drafting Florida State quarterback Christian Ponder in the second round. That leaves the Bills free to take either Von Miller of Texas A and M or Marcell Dareus of Alabama. If Denver takes Von Miller as late breaking reports suggest, the Bills would be more than happy to select Dareus and plug him in as a disruptive 3-4 end. http://www.buffalosportsdaily.com/nfl-draft-morning/; http://wgr550.com/pages/9034669.php?pid=44999; http://bleacherreport.com/articles/626229-2011-nfl-draft-with-the-3rd-overall-pick-the-buffalo-bills-select; http://blogs.buffalobills.com/2011/04/05/mort-sees-miller-for-bills/;

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/peter_king/04/10/mmqb/1.html;

http://www.buffalosportsdaily.com/bsd-monday-mailbag/;

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/663553-2011-draft-buddy-nix-gives-a-potentailly-big-hint-of-his-direction; http://wgr550.com/pages/9034669.php?pid=44999; http://wgr550.com/pages/9034669.php?pid=45268; http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=nfp-20110422_andre_reed_suggests_bills_want_to_draft_christian_ponder

4. Cincinnati Bengals – A.J. Green, WR, Georgia: With Carson Palmer threatening to retire if his demand for a trade is not granted, the Bengals suddenly have huge needs on both sides of the ball. They could easily justify using this pick on a franchise quarterback, a running back, a wide receiver, a defensive end, a defensive tackle or a cornerback. A.J. Green will likely be the highest rated player when the Bengals draft with the fourth selection according to most draft boards, and he would ease the loss of soon to be departed wide receivers Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens. The Bengals seem to think that they can find better value by addressing the quarterback position in the second round with someone like Andy Dalton of TCU. http://cincinnati.com/blogs/bengals/2011/03/25/bengals-chat-at-noon-9/; http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20110409/SPT02/104100335/This-week-s-NFL-Mock-10-Back-Green?odyssey=tabtopnewstextBengals; http://cincinnati.com/blogs/bengals/2011/04/11/on-the-clock-4-0-2/;

http://cincinnati.com/blogs/bengals/2011/04/14/bengals-nfl-draft-chat-at-noon/; http://cincinnati.com/blogs/bengals/2011/04/21/one-week-until-the-draft-who-to-take-at-four/

5. Arizona Cardinals – Patrick Peterson, CB, LSU: Several prominent draft prognosticators are suggesting that the Cardinals should take Missouri quarterback Blaine Gabbert if Von Miller is not available when they pick. On the other hand, local reporters out of Phoenix believe that the Cardinals are not interested in using their first round pick on a quarterback, and that they will instead try to acquire a signal caller either via a trade or through free agency with someone like Kevin Kolb or Marc Bulger. While the Cardinals lack an elite edge rusher from the outside linebacker position, trying to force someone like North Carolina's Robert Quinn to play standing up in a 3-4 defense when he is a natural 4-3 end could be too much of a gamble with the fifth overall pick of the draft in the Cardinals' eyes. The safer pick is LSU's Patrick Peterson, who would be a nice compliment opposite Dominique Rogers Cromartie at cornerback.

http://www.xtra910.com/pages/fantasyforum.html; http://www.tweetdeck.com/twitter/Cardschatter/~vKSAa; http://twitter.com/#!/ZReportDraft/status/60386931929923584

6. Cleveland Browns – Julio Jones, WR, Alabama: While Cleveland seems to like Georgia wide receiver A.J. Green, he may very well be off the board by the time they select. The Browns would then have to decide if they want to fill their need for a playmaking receiver with Alabama's Julio Jones. Alternatively, they could go for a defensive end to rush the passer or a defensive tackle to plug the middle following the release of Shaun Rogers. If Green is off the board, look for the Browns to target Jones, but possibly by trading down with a quarterback needy team like Washington. They could also settle for an elite 4-3 pass rush end like North Carolina's Robert Quinn, and then target receivers like Jonathan Baldwin of Pittsburgh or Greg Little of North Carolina in the second or third rounds in the draft.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1184615/4/index.htm; http://www.cantonrep.com/browns/x1225330557/Browns-weighing-worth-of-wide-receiver-at-No-6; http://www.ohio.com/sports/120561494.html

7. San Francisco 49ers – Robert Quinn, DE, North Carolina: Unless San Francisco can make a play for an established veteran like Kevin Kolb (which they won't be able to do until a new CBA is reached), the 49ers will have to find their long-term answer at quarterback through the draft. While Jim Harbaugh has talked about bringing Alex Smith back for yet another trial of his ability to be an NFL quarterback, but all of that rhetoric could have been a smokescreen. San Francisco would have to seriously consider Missouri quarterback Blaine Gabbert in the event that he falls past Arizona and the 5th pick. However, reports suggest that the 49ers are not all that high on Gabbert, so look for them to select North Carolina defensive end Robert Quinn in the first round and then target Nevada quarterback Colin Kaepernick in the second.
http://www.csnbayarea.com/04/21/11/Stacking-the-49ers-draft-board-for-seven/landing_maiocco_v3.html?blockID=508518&feedID=5936; http://www.csnbayarea.com/04/15/11/49ers-Mailbag-Options-if-Peterson-Miller/landing_maiocco_v3.htmlblockID=504725&feedID=5936; http://min.scout.com/2/1064118.html

8. Tennessee Titans – Nick Fairley DT, Auburn: While Tennessee is another team with a big void at quarterback, the Titans are a veteran team that seems to prefer bringing in a veteran signal caller via trade or free agency. If Auburn defensive tackle Nick Fairley falls due to concerns about his attitude and motor, then the Titans should jump at their opportunity to find a replacement for Albert Haynesworth that they can build their front seven around. They could then look into trading back into the first round for a quarterback like Andy Dalton or Jake Locker should either player remain available. http://www.tennessean.com/article/20110224/SPORTS01/102240325/Titans-see-need-strengthen-defensive-line?odyssey=tabtopnewstextSports%20Tennessee%20Titans; http://blogs.tennessean.com/titans/2011/03/28/what-about-watt-for-titans/; http://data.tennessean.com/Tennessean/coveritlive/coveritlive.php?id=42ca439adf; http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/peter_king/04/24/mmqb/1.html

9. Dallas Cowboys – Tyron Smith, OT, USC: The Cowboys seem to like USC offensive tackle Tyron Smith, as well as defensive ends J.J. Watt of Wisconsin and Cameron Jordan of Cal. If the Cowboys do not trade with the number 9 pick, then a future left tackle like Smith seems like the better value. However, if they do manage to trade down with someone like the Rams, then Watt, Jordan and even Boston College offensive lineman Anthony Castonzo would become their likely targets. In the event of a trade down the Cowboys could use the extra mid round picks that they receive in order to trade back into the first round and select a right tackle like Derek Sherrod of Mississippi State to play opposite Doug Free. http://twitter.com/#!/espn_macmahon/status/62948737554726913; http://www.draftinsider.net/blog/?p=5189; http://chat.nfl.com/front/index/1487?module=HP_headlines; http://www.foxsportssouthwest.com/03/31/11/The-Cowboys-arent-hiding-their-love-for-/landing_cowboys.html?blockID=494661&feedID=4679; http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/peter_king/04/10/mmqb/1.html

10. Washington Redskins – Blaine Gabbert, QB, Missouri: While the Redskins desperately need to find a quarterback, there may not be value in drafting a signal caller with questionable accuracy like Jake Locker or character concerns like Ryan Mallett in the top ten. Accordingly, the Redskins may look to trade up and get the mobile quarterback with a strong arm that coach Mike Shanahan is seeking to run his version of the West Coast Offense in Blaine Gabbert of Missouri. If the Redskins are unable to trade up, they could target Julio Jones since they have had a glaring need for a go-to receiver for several years. If Jones is off the board as well, they could select Cal defensive end Cameron Jordan, or they could look to trade back a few spots and target Mallett or Locker. http://www.nflgridirongab.com/2011/04/27/source-reports-redskins-ready-to-move-up-to-draft-a-qb/; http://voices.washingtonpost.com/redskinsinsider/blaine-gabbert-redskins-draft-2011.html; http://blogs.fredericksburg.com/redskinsjournal/2011/02/26/alabama-wr-julio-jones-is-more-than-a-pass-catcher/; http://www.draftinsider.net/blog/?p=5189; http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2011/04/18/report-ryan-mallett-in-play-for-redskins-at-no-10-overall/

11. Houston Texans – Aldon Smith, DE/OLB, Missouri: The Texans would love to land local product Von Miller to provide an edge rusher for their new 3-4 defensive scheme, but he'll likely be long gone by the time they pick. They would also love to put LSU cornerback Patrick Peterson in their anemic secondary. If they are unable to trade up for either of those players, look for the Texans to settle on Missouri DE/OLB Aldon Smith. They could also consider Wisconsin defensive end J.J. Watt, who would fit in perfectly with their 3-4 defense. 
http://blogs.chron.com/nfl/2011/04/join_mondays_nfl_draft_chat_at.html; http://blogs.chron.com/nfl/2011/04/check_out_my_fourth_mock_draft.html; http://min.scout.com/2/1064118.html

12. Minnesota Vikings – Jake Locker, QB, Washington: Minnesota has holes at DT, DE, S and QB. The Vikings seem to have an interest in Washington quarterback Jake Locker, but does he have enough value to be selected by the Vikings with the 12th pick without trading down? Trading up for Gabbert is also a possibility, as is taking an accurate but lesser armed quarterback like Christian Ponder or Andy Dalton in the second round. In that event, the Vikings could elect to draft a defensive lineman like J.J. Watt of Wisconsin or Cameron Jordan of Cal at number 12. Even if the Vikings draft a quarterback in the first or second rounds, don't be surprised if they end up working out a deal with Donovan McNabb to be their starting quarterback for next season. http://www.startribune.com/sports/vikings/120775799.html; http://1500espn.com/sportswire/Talk_Vikings_NFL_Draft_with_Tom_Pelissero_at_1_pm_Friday042111; http://min.scout.com/2/1067433.html; http://www.startribune.com/sports/vikings/120694134.html; http://min.scout.com/2/1066447.htmlhttp://blogs.twincities.com/Vikings/2011/04/vikings-appear-to-have-quarter.html; http://blogs.twincities.com/Vikings/2011/04/vikings-appear-to-have-quarter.html

13. Detroit Lions – Prince Amukamara, CB, Nebraska: The Lions have big needs at cornerback and outside linebacker. It is pretty much a given that no outside linebacker in this draft aside from Von Miller is worth selecting with the 13th overall pick. Martin Mahew is the type of General Manager who will draft for the long term future instead of immediate need, so the question remains whether that means the Lions will select an offensive tackle like USC's Tyron Smith to fill in on the right side and eventually replace Jeff Backus on the left; a defensive end like Missouri's Aldon Smith to serve as Kyle Vanden Bosch's understudy, or a cornerback like Nebraska's Prince Amukamara to immediately step in and start. With Amukamara and Tyron Smith rated similarly (and far ahead of Aldon Smith on some scouting boards), the Lions can afford to draft for need without giving up value.

http://www.mlive.com/lions/index.ssf/2011/04/dan_miller_wbbl_lions_second-r.html; http://www.mlive.com/lions/index.ssf/2011/04/in_mock_drafts_i_keep_picking.html; http://www.mlive.com/lions/index.ssf/2011/04/defensive_line_a_strength_of_d.html; http://www.freep.com/article/20110418/SPORTS01/110418056/1049/SPORTS01/NFL-analyst-Gil-Brandt-doesn-t-see-Lions-drafting-an-OL-No-13; http://www.mlive.com/lions/index.ssf/2011/04/opinions_all_over_the_board_on.html; http://www.mlive.com/lions/index.ssf/2011/04/prince_amukamara_or_jimmy_smit.html

14. St. Louis Rams – Corey Liuget, DT, Illinois: Look for a possible trade between the Rams and Cowboys if Julio Jones is still available at the 9th pick. If not, the Rams may have to settle for Illinois defensvie tackle Corey Liuget in the event that Missouri DE/OLB Aldon Smith is no longer available.
http://www.nflhuddle.com/2011/04/26/corey-liuget-considered-favorite-for-rams-corey-liuget-dl-college-player/; http://www.101espn.com/post/81917_rams_have_options_at_no_14; http://interact.stltoday.com/discussions/sports/jim-thomas-live/LD0225111355/all; http://www.ramsrule.com/herd/read.php?5,131767,131781; http://www.stltoday.com/sports/football/professional/article_765e161a-5316-5734-9b5a-6b09ccecc1b0.html; http://www.stltoday.com/sports/football/professional/article_375e8fbf-737a-5bfd-87e2-52d84bac8073.html

15. Miami Dolphins – Mike Pouncey, C/G, Florida: Miami would desperately like to trade down and acquire a second round pick to replace the one that they gave up to Denver in the Brandon Marshall deal last year. If they keep the 15th pick,  Florida C/G Mike Pouncey and Alabama RB Mark Ingram, Jr. will be their top targets.
http://blogs.palmbeachpost.com/thedailydolphin/2011/03/04/miami-dolphins-position-breakdown-%E2%80%93-offensive-line/; http://blogs.sun-sentinel.com/sports_football_dolphins/2011/03/miami-dolphins-have-plans-to-address-tailback-void.html

16. Jacksonville Jaguars - Ryan Kerrigan, DE/OLB, Purdue: While safety and wide receiver are more pressing needs, there will be little value at those positions on the board when Jacksonville picks at number 16. A defensive end like Purdue's Ryan Kerrigan would be a nice understudy to initially play opposite, and then ultimately replace Aaron Kampman. Aldon Smith of Missouri and Adrian Clayborn of Iowa would also be possibilities at defensive end, while Jake Locker or Christian Ponder could be outside candidates for the Jaguars' pick if they are looking to push quarterback David Garrard. http://jacksonville.com/sports/football/jaguars/2011-03-25/story/defensive-end-ryan-kerrigan-fits-jaguars-draft-profile; http://espn.go.com/blog/afcsouth/tag/_/name/aldon-smith; http://www.jaguars.com/news/article.aspx?id=9916; http://sec.floridatoday.com/article/070i33Kacrb8t?q=Jacksonville+Jaguars

17. New England Patriots (from Oakland) – Cameron Jordan, DE/OLB, California: New England always seems to be looking for defensive ends and outside linebackers who fit their 3-4 defensive scheme. While Cameron Jordan of Cal is a natural 3-4 defensive end, he also showed the ability to play standing up and drop into coverage at the Senior Bowl, which is just the type of versatility that the Patriots love. J.J. Watt of Wisconsin would also be a value and fit at 3-4 end, but New England will likely avoid him given their aversion to dealing with his agent, Tom Condon. The Patriots could also target Alabama running back Mark Ingram, but either he or Mikel Leshoure of Illinois should still be available when they pick again with the 28th selection. Rumors also persist that New England could package some of their six picks in the first three rounds in order to trade up for either Robert Quinn or Cameron Jordan. Just don't count on the Patriots giving up full value pursuant to the NFL Draft Pick Value Chart in the event that they do trade up. When it comes to draft day trades the Patriots are "selfish lovers," meaning that while they love to receive value when they move up, they very seldom give up value pursuant to the value chart when they move down in their trades. http://www.nesn.com/2011/04/nfl-mock-draft-xi-has-patriots-taking-cameron-jordan-danny-watkins-with-first-roundpicks.html; http://www.nesn.com/2011/03/nfl-mock-draft-v-sees-defensive-end-daquan-bowers-taking-over-panthers-no-1-pick-page-3.html; http://espn.go.com/sportsnation/boston/chat/_/id/37555; http://www.boston.com/sports/football/patriots/articles/2011/01/30/finding_patriot_material_in_this_senior_circuit/?page=3

18. San Diego Chargers – J.J. Watt, DE, Wisconsin: The Chargers should benefit from a deep defensive line class. They could use either a defensive end or a 3-4 linebacker who can rush the passer. Reports indicate that the Chargers front office is targeting Purdue DE/OLB Ryan Kerrigan, but in this scenario he is off the board. They would be equally happy with Wisconsin defensive end J.J. Watt. UCLA linebacker Akeem Ayers could also draw a look.
http://www.signonsandiego.com/bigmailbag/chargers/; http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2011/feb/27/chargers-are-luck-deep-de-class/;

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2011/mar/20/strange-offseason-opens-possibilities-chargers-fir/

 

Not only did draft day primadonna Eli Manning have to endure chants of "WEAR THE HAT!" from Jets fans, but the Chargers walked away with the better quarterback in Phil Rivers when Eli forced a trade from the Chargers to the Giants in 2004

19. New York Giants – Anthony Castonzo, OT, Boston College: Replenishing an aging offensive line has to be a priority for the Giants, as is adding some new blood at linebacker. Anthony Castonzo of Boston College has the ability to step in immediately at right tackle or even guard, and then ultimately wind up as a book-end left tackle. Florida center/guard Mike Pouncey will also get a strong look from the Giants based upon his ability to play guard and provide insurance at center if he is still available.  http://espn.go.com/sportsnation/newyork/chat/_/id/38053; http://sports.espn.go.com/new-york/nfl/news/story?id=6403736; http://newyork.sbnation.com/new-york-giants/2011/1/28/1961072/2011-nfl-mock-drafts-tyron-smith-is-consensus-pick-for-giants; http://twitter.com/AdamSchefter/status/60369478508224513; http://espn.go.com/sportsnation/newyork/chat/_/id/37925; http://www.mtrmedia.com/mtr/2011/04/mtr-media-interview-with-ralph-vacchiano.html#comments

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Da'Quan Bowers, DE, Clemson: While the Bucs have the depth to go for the best player available, getting a rush end via the draft or free agency is probably their biggest off-season priority. Tampa Bay has shown interest in Ryan Kerrigan of Purdue and Aldon Smith of Missouri. If both are off the board by the time they pick at number 20, this selection could come down to Adrian Clayborn of Iowa and Da'Quan Bowers of Clemson. While Bowers has some medical issues regarding the potential longevity of his career given his most recent off season knee surgery, if he is cleared by Tampa Bay's doctors, a pass rusher of his ability could be a considerable bargain this late in the draft. Cornerback may also be a consideration if they follow through with reports that they will release Aqib Talib after his recent arrest for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

http://www.tampabay.com/blogs/bucs/content/would-bucs-pull-trigger-daquan-bowers-if-available; http://aggbot.com/link.php?id=13276524&r=tw&c=250; http://www2.tbo.com/content/2011/jan/28/281701/bucs-beat-a-week-of-reporting-at-the-senior-bowl/

21. Kansas City Chiefs – Gabe Carimi, OT, Wisconsin: Kansas City could go many different directions in this year's draft. A 3-4 nose tackle like Phil Taylor is a definite possibility, as is UCLA linebacker Akeem Ayers. However, an offensive tackle like Gabe Carimi would not only solidify the right side of their line, but he could eventually move to the left side and let Brandon Albert become a dominant force at guard or right tackle. http://www.kansascity.com/2011/04/16/2805161/the-stars-projected-nfl-draft.html; http://chiefsblog.kansascity.com/?q=node/1712

22. Indianapolis Colts – Nate Solder, OT, Colorado: The Colts survived with a very mediocre offensive line for years thanks to Howard Mudd, who may well be one of the best position coaches NFL history. After Mudd left Indianapolis last season the Colts offensive line was exposed as a major weakness. It's definitely time for Indianapolis to look for some new talent at the the tackle position in order to protect Peyton Manning and re-establish some sort of running game. Nate Solder of Colorado is probably projected to be the best left tackle over the long run in this year's draft, which would make him an ideal choice for the Colts.

http://aggbot.com/link.php?id=13276524&r=tw&c=250; http://chat.nfl.com/front/index/1468; http://www.mockingthedraft.com/2011/3/23/2067826/2011-nfl-draft-needs-indianapolis-colts; http://www.indystar.com/article/20110301/SPORTS03/103010320/1058/SPORTS03/NFL-Network-s-Mayock-sizes-up-combine-participants

23. Philadelphia Eagles - Jimmy Smith, CB, Colorado: While the offensive line for the Eagles has underachieved in recent years based upon the amount of money that they've paid to big name players, their primary target at that position,Wisconsin tackle Gabe Carimi, might not be available at the 23rd pick. Even if he is, ESPN Insider John Clayton has gone on record as saying that Colorado cornerback Jimmy Smith will not make it past the Eagles. http://espn.go.com/sportsnation/chat/_/id/37630; http://phillysportsdaily.com/eagles/2011/04/12/eagles-draft-confidential-team-needs-on-defense/

24. New Orleans Saints – Cameron Heyward, DE, Ohio State: While the Saints could use help at either defensive end or outside linebacker, there are reports that they are interested in drafting Temple defensive tackle Muhammad Wilkerson. This makes very little sense to me given that the Saints currently have Sedrick Ellis and Shaun Rogers as tandem on the interior of their defensive line, with Anthony Hargrove able to move over from end on pass rushing downs. Cameron Heyward of Ohio State is rated similarly to Wilkerson, and would fill a more immediate need for a pass rusher. outside linebacker Akeem Ayers of UCLA could also draw consideration. http://www.nola.com/saints/index.ssf/2011/04/new_orleans_saints_outlook_on.html; http://www.nola.com/saints/index.ssf/2011/04/young_heyward_could_be_saints.html; http://www.nola.com/saints/index.ssf/2011/04/new_orleans_saints_may_be_in_t.html; http://www.nola.com/saints/index.ssf/2011/03/join_todays_new_orleans_saints.html

25. Seattle Seahawks – Ryan Mallett, QB, Arkansas: Seattle would ideally like to trade down from the 25th spot and accumulate additional picks. If an offensive tackle like Gabe Carimi of Wisconsin is off the board, Seattle could select Arkansas quarterback Ryan Mallett in the event that they are unable to trade. Baylor guard Danny Watkins and Mississippi State offensive tackle Derek Sherrod could also be considerations.
http://www.heraldnet.com/article/20110224/SPORTS/702249951/1018/SPORTS09&SectionCat=SPORTS; http://blog.thenewstribune.com/seahawks/2011/04/13/lombardi-hawks-still-high-on-mallett/

26. Baltimore Ravens – Muhammad Wilkerson, DT/DE, Temple: While Baltimore has been widely linked to Colorado cornerback Jimmy Smith, he seems to be alleviating character concerns and re-establishing himself on draft boards. In the even he is gone, Baltimore could look for offensive tackles like Nate Solder of Colorado or Gabe Carimi of Wisconsin, or go for a 3-4 defensive end like Muhammad Wilkerson of Temple or Cameron Heyward of Ohio State. http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/sports/ravens/blog/2011/04/hensleys_mock_draft_version_30.html

27. Atlanta Falcons – Adrian Clayborn, DE, Iowa: While the Falcons lack a wide receiver to compliment and draw coverage away from Roddy White, drafting a receiver after A.J. Green and Julio Jones in the first round is probably too much of a reach. Atlanta is also still searching for a defensive end to compliment John Abraham. Adrian Clayborn of Iowa is a high character, high motor kid who could fill that need and get to the passer while playing with his hand in the dirt. Depending on how the defensive ends go off the board, the Falcons could also have an interest in Justin Houston of Georgia, but a failed drug test could push him into the second or third rounds of the draft. Akeem Ayers of UCLA could also fill a similar need for pass rusher who is also versatile enough to play in coverage at linebacker.
http://blogs.ajc.com/mark-bradley-blog/2011/04/20/will-the-falcons-draft-a-pass-rusher-lots-of-folks-think-so/; http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/peter_king/04/24/mmqb/1.html; http://blogs.ajc.com/atlanta-falcons-blog/2011/04/26/future-falcon-the-akeem-ayers-file/?cxntfid=blogs_atlanta_falcons_blog

28. New England Patriots – Mark Ingram, Jr., RB, Alabama: With two picks in each of the first three rounds of this year's draft, the Patriots have plenty of options. Rumor has it that they already have a deal in place with a team looking to trade back into the first round to select a particular quarterback if he is still available at the Patriots 28th pick. If they are forced to stay in this spot, Alabama running back Mark Ingram would be a tremendous value and give New England the reliable inside running game they are seeking to remove some pressure from Tom Brady. An interior lineman like Danny Watkins of Baylor or a tackle like Derek Sherrod of Mississippi State could also be considered, as Patriots must also address their offensive line early in this draft.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/peter_king/04/24/mmqb/1.html; http://www.boston.com/sports/football/patriots/extra_points/2011/04/video_greg_beda_1.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter; http://www.boston.com/sports/football/patriots/extra_points/2011/04/video_greg_beda_1.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter; http://sports.espn.go.com/boston/nfl/columns/story?columnist=reiss_mike&id=6430502; http://www.bostonherald.com/blogs/sports/rap_sheet/index.php/2011/04/24/draft-analysis-a-discussion-of-why-mark-ingram-would-be-the-patriots-most-devastating-pick/; http://bostonherald.com/sports/football/patriots/view.bg?&articleid=1333041&format=&page=2&listingType=pats#articleFull

29. Chicago Bears - Derek Sherrod, OT, Mississippi State: The Bears desperately need help at defensive tackle and offensive line. While defensive tackle Corey Liuget of Illinois would be an ideal fit for the 4-3 defensive scheme that the Bears run, he will likely be gone before they select. That makes Derek Sherrod of Mississipi State a good value for a huge position of need. Another good value would be North Carolina defensive tackle Marvin Austin, but character issues probably push him back into the early part of the second round. 
http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/football/bears/chi-bears-askdan-0426,0,7308129.story; http://aggbot.com/link.php?id=13291695&r=tw&c=250; http://aggbot.com/link.php?id=13262599&r=tw&c=250; http://aggbot.com/link.php?id=13276523&r=tw&c=250; http://aggbot.com/link.php?id=13243677&r=tw&c=250; http://aggbot.com/link.php?id=13241596&r=tw&c=250; http://www.chicagobreakingsports.com/sports/cbsports-austin-sherrod-could-loom-large-for-bears-20110421,0,3238500.story; http://aggbot.com/link.php?id=13208001&r=tw&c=250

30. New York Jets – Phil Taylor, DT, Baylor: Defensive tackle Phil Taylor of Baylor would be a logical choice if the Jets do not plan on resigning nose tackle Kris Jenkins at a discounted price after he was released. The Jets currently lack a strong anchor at nose tackle, one of the key positions in their 3-4 defense. Interestingly, an article written by Eric Allen linking the Jets to Taylor on NewYorkJets.com was recently removed from their official website. Hmmm...
http://www.newyorkjets.com/news/article-1/Are-Jets-Taking-Aim-at-a-D-Lineman-in-Draft/b701feae-d5ef-4a37-aaf0-c3db5d98fec6; http://espn.go.com/blog/new-york/jets/post/_/id/4807/draft-profile-baylor-nt-phil-taylor; http://msn.foxsports.com/video/NFL?vid=5d40ba69-1d5d-42df-afaf-381d9a5d0c1d; http://espn.go.com/blog/new-york/jets/post/_/id/5135/jets-pre-draft-rumblings?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter; http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-draft/09000d5d81f53374/On-the-Beat-Jets-No-30; http://twitter.com/#!/ZReportDraft/status/60386931929923584; http://espn.go.com/blog/new-york/jets/post/_/id/4807/draft-profile-baylor-nt-phil-taylorCan't see Taylor getting past the Jets

31. Pittsburgh Steelers – Aaron Williams, CB, Texas: While the Steelers arguably have the best defense in the league, neither William Gay nor Bryant McFadden are ideal starting caliber cornerbacks in the NFL. Texas cornerback Aaron Williams is a big versatile cornerback who could also fill in at safety should Troy Palamalu miss time with injury. Brandon Harris of Miami is another corner who might be considered, and Pittsburgh could also be intrigued by any defensive or offensive linemen who might fall to the end of the first round.
http://plus.sites.post-gazette.com/index.php/pro-sports/steelers/109290-ed-2-weeks-to-go-a-opinions-are-many; http://plus.sites.post-gazette.com/index.php/pro-sports/steelers/109398-ed-bouchettes-steelers-chat-transcript-41911; http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/11062/1129469-139.stm; http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/11059/1128545-66.stm; http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/sports/ravens/blog/2011/04/countdown_to_draft_brandon_harris.html; http://www.steelersgab.com/2011/04/19/sis-king-has-steelers-taking-brandon-harris-at-number-31 /

32. Green Bay Packers – Akeem Ayers, OLB, UCLA: An outside linebacker like Akeem Ayers of UCLA who can cover and rush the passer would be ideal to compliment opposite Clay Mathews. Alternatively, the Packers could look for a 3-4 defensive end like Cameron Heyward of Ohio State or Muhammad Wilkerson of Temple if they anticipate that Cullen Jenkins will leave via free agency. If Ayers and the top defensive ends are off the board, Arizona DE/OLB Brooks Reed could also be the pick as a pure pass rusher that the Packers have a need for.  http://packersnews.greenbaypressgazette.com/article/20110219/PKR01/110219035/The-champions-draft-needs-begin-at-outside-linebacker; http://www.fantasysp.com/player/nfl/Clay_Matthews/1515490/nfl-brooks-reed-moving-up-nfl-draft-boards; http://www.jsonline.com/blogs/sports/119673694.html

Now let's cue up some Arcade Fire and enjoy the draft!

Trivia Note: With teams alotted 10 minutes each to make their pick, the First Round of the 2010 NFL Draft took 3 hours and 25 mins.