Blogging SURVIVOR: Worlds Apart - "It's like a Willy Wonka Golden Ticket!"

This week began with the classic Survivor food auction episode.

Will began by bidding $100 on a mystery item turned out to be a ticket out of the auction and back to camp.

And with the black guy gone, Jeff cruelly announced that the next item up for bid would be fried chicken and waffles, while the white women began grinding on Dan as Will walked off in tears.

Mike held onto all of his cash in order to bid on an advantage in the game, but not before Jeff offered up a notes from everyone's loved ones.

The contestants agreed to set the winning bid at $20, which would allow everyone to buy their note from back home for the same price and leave them all on equal footing to bid for the advantage in the game.

However, while Mike told everyone that he was buying his loved one note, he backed away once everyone else had bought theirs in order to save his entire wad for the much coveted "advantage."

That caused Carolyn to bring her unread note back to Jeff to get her money back, which in turn caused Mike to reconsider being a douche and buy his note like everyone else who actually loved their family had promised to do.

With Carolyn, Mike and Dan all having their full stash of money, Dan won the tie-breaker for the advantage by drawing rocks.

Fortunately for Will, when he arrived back at camp he received a map to a private stash of food and drinks to help him through the rest of the game. Unfortunately for Will, there were no white women.

For some reason known only to Will and Oprah, he decided to share his rations with the rest of the tribe.

Worse yet, Mike and Shirin assumed that the stash that Will was gracious enough to share was meant for the entire tribe, and that what he did in fact share (which was everything he received), was not everything he received.

That accusation caused Will to flip the fuck out, telling Shirin "Nobody likes you. I guarantee that (there's) nobody (at) home (or) in the United States that misses you."

Of course, being the hero that she thinks she is, Jenn indicated that she might stick around to mess up Will's game, even though he was in the right and that she had already quit playing the game.

Meanwhile, Mike decided to attack Boston Guy by saying, "Three famous words, flippers never win." That caused Boston Guy to flip out by repeatedly telling Mike, "You better relax!" as Mike was the one who held kept his cool and Boston Guy kept yelling.

Dan opened up his advantage and learned that he he had bought himself an "extra vote" at Tribal Council. Or as he said, "It's like a Willy Wonka Golden Ticket!"

At the Immunity Challenge, Will asked Jeff Probst if he could sit out to receive his letter from back home like everyone else did, saying that his family was more important to him than winning Immunity.

And when Jeff said that he'd grant his wish, but only if everyone else agreed, Shirin was the only one who cast a dissenting vote.

And because Shirin Oskooi is a giant devil bitch, Will was denied his letter from back home. 

The Immunity Challenge involved racing over a balance beam course to place six different balls in balls in a a menorah like fixture using only a set of tonges.

Mike ended up winning Individual Immunity.

However, Mike's alliance still did not have numbers on their side, and while Will was given the option of voting the Shirin out, he actually wanted to keep her around just to make her life miserable.

Noting that Dan was the swing vote, Jenn noted, "My entire game is in dumbass's hands," forgetting that she's not exactly a rocket surgeon herself.

Dan took being the swing vote the only way he possibly could, and let the power go to his head, causing him to yell at everyone who was lobbying for his vote that it was going to be, "My decision!"

At Tribal Council, Will denied attacking Sharin.

Sharin rebutted that comment by saying, "He started talking about how I have no family, how I'm a loser, how more people in this game like him than like me in my entire life."

While that made it seem like Will had in fact attacked Shirin, he responded perfectly by telling Jeff, "That's true though."

And when Shirin continued to plead her case against Will by saying, "That I have no soul, that he needs to pray for me," he once again defended his comments by saying, "That's true though!"

Shirin then went on to call everybody out for not standing up for her since her biological dad verbally abused her and a bunch of other stuff that I stopped listening to.

After Shirin finally got done airing her grievances, Boston Guy called Mike out for trying to manipulate the auction and lying about buying his letter from home before Carolyn called his his not so tricky trickanery out.

In the end, Jenn was voted out, sending her back home to her much beloved family, yachts, and cheeseburgers.

I actually think that Jenn Brown would look better with a cheeseburger tattooed on her belly.