Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Blogging Survivor - San Juan del Sur: Because if there's one thing that John Rocker and the gay guy from New York City could possibly bond over, it's that they're both pitchers.



Survivor - San Juan del Sur: Blood vs. Water began in Nicaragua with most of the pairs of loved ones being dropped off on a beach with nothing but a flint to spend the night alone together.


However, ex Atlanta Brave John Rocker seemed to have a comfort advantage over the other contestants, as Jeff Probst allowed him to be dropped off with two pillows. 

To start off, we learned some additional background information as the duos struggled to make camp for the night.

For example, who would have ever guessed the the cheerleader mom from Texas had been divorced three times, and that her twenty-year old daughter Baylor had taken on the maternal role in the relationship? (By the way, that was a rhetorical question.)

We also found out that Kelley and her father have had a strained relationship at times, which is something that you would have never guessed from Dale's Twitter handle, FarmGuy69...And no, Dale's not 69-years-old, he's just 55 and creepy.

Two time Amazing Race veterans Nadiya and Natalie yelled at each other in a foreign language that I quickly identified as Fatty.

Meanwhile, the redneck father and son firefighter duo from Louisiana managed to lose the striker for their flint, causing them to spend the night without fire and argue about who was smarter.

Or as Keith, the father, said to his son, "Your mind is about as strong as that rock," which I think is some sort of redneck proverb.

After meeting with Jeff Probst, the loved ones were all divided into separate tribes, with Natalie and Nadiya both deciding to use their buffs as girdles instead of bikini tops or mini-skirts like the hot girls do.

The initial Reward Challenge involved solving a rope maze and tossing rings to retrieve two platforms the fastest.

In a twist, the challenge only consisted of two total competitors, one from each team, a loved one against a loved one, with the loser going immediately to Exile Island.

Jeremy ended up beating his wife Val (not literally...well literally, but not in a Ray Rice kind of way) to give the Hunapuh Tribe fire and beans. He also had to immediately select a member of his own tribe to join his wife on Exile Island.

Interestingly, without even asking if he could volunteer to go himself, Jeremy sent another dude, Keith, the inept firefighter who admitted he lost his striker and broke his flint on night one, to spend the night with his wife.

Back at Hunahpu Jeremy lamented about sending his wife to Exile Island, but not for too long, as quickly reached out to the ladies and struck up a two person alliance with Kelley...Natalie...AND Missy.

At Coyopa, Dale felt ostracized as the old guy, but found a tag with an emblem on it that he took to use as a fake Immunity Idol in case he needed it. He also broke his glasses in half so he could use two lenses to better start a fire for the tribe to show his worth.

Meanwhile, Val and Keith both got clues for their tribes' Immunity Idols at Exile Island. And while Keith looked at Val skeptically since he had never been further north than Arkansas and she was black, they ended up bonding since her husband and he were both firemen.

Kelly noted how she understood Drew, who was trying trying to be the alpha male and take charge around camp, by relating his behavior to being in a relationship with her boyfriend, John Rocker.

John Rocker's girlfriend Kelly then went on to call Drew "just a dumb young guy." 

Wes outed John Rocker, who idiotically tried to conceal that he was an infamous ex major leaguer.

Keep in mind that this wasn't a situation where the producers got involved and a twenty something-year-old weather bunny for her local sports network claimed that she recognized Gary Hogoboom from his two starts for the Dallas Cowboys ten years before she was even born.

John Rocker is a guy who continues to make news for his racist comments and ties to the baseball steroid scandal several years after he was all but banished from the league. 

After discovering poisonous sap falling from the branches above the shelter he was building Drew noted, "We got poisonous sap, we got scorpions. Shoot, there could be a puma running around here that I don't know about. There are definitely dangers far from anything I know in Florida around here."

Sadly, I used to live in Florida, and the poisonous sap was probably coming from a tree called "Poison Wood" that is indigenous to Florida...Kind of like scorpions and pumas are.

The First Immunity Challenge was a team race up a tower, under an obstacle, and then over three walls where four people from each team then had to solve a puzzle to win.

Despite an early lead for Coyopa, Hunahpu ended coming from behind to win Immunity

Heading into Tribal Council for Coyopa, Dale wanted to target Nadiya based upon her ruthless strategy on the Amazing Race.

Meanwhile, the girls all tried to align and target Dale, who they thought was the weakest of the male competitors on their tribe. Fittingly, Josh, the gay guy entertained both plans, and seemed to be the swing vote.

At Tribal Council, Nadiya took an optimistic approach saying, "When given lemons, make margaritas." However, she also kept calling Josh her "girlfriend," although he noted in private how that is a term that people should never say to him even though he's gay.

If there's anything that John Rocker and a gay guy from New York City could possibly bond over, it's that they're both "pitchers." 

In the end, Josh stayed out of the male/female drama and cast an androgynous vote for Baylor, and Nadiya was sent back home to India.


Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Survivor: San Juan del Sur — Meet The Cast



Survivor - San Juan del Sur: Blood vs. Water is upon us, which means that the contestants will once again be competing against their loved ones.

And while there are no returning players on this season, the cast is mostly made up of former beauty queens, athletes and other wanna be celebrities.

Twists this season include the return of Exile Island, as well as the premier of ex-MLB pitcher John Rocker as Survivor's racist villain...but only because Russell Hantz was too busy making some really important repairs to his Camaro to reprise that role this season.

Actually, I'm pretty relieved that CBS did not cast another member of the Hantz clan (and when I use the term clan, I mean it literally), because we were about a season away from having enough little inbred rednecks running around to form their own returning players tribe.

Fortunately, we were saved from having to experience that reality show...At least for now.

Now let's get to know the contestants and break down their pros and cons based upon their official bios on the CBS website.

Missy Payne - A 47-year-old owner of a competitive cheerleading gym in Dallas.

Missy Payne

Tribe: Hunahpu.

Pros: Well, she owns her own cheerleading studio, so good for her.

Cons: Then again, I'm pretty sure that every middle aged woman in Texas owns a competitive cheerleading gym...Or at least that's how I envision things down there.

Baylor Wilson - A 20-year-old musician currently living in Nashville. Missy's daughter.

Baylor Wilson

Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: Baylor was part of the 2009 World Champion Cheerleading team, which means that she's used to guys looking up at her crotch. 

Cons: Not only is Baylor the youngest player in the game, but she's clearly on the show just to promote her musical career. In fact, I highly doubt that "Baylor" is her real given name considering that she's an aspiring country music singer from Texas. Then again, I imagine a lot of people in Texas name their offspring after ultra conservative Southern Baptist universities. In fact, Oral Roberts comes to mind.

John Rocker - The 39-year-old ex-Major League Baseball player from the sticks of Georgia.

Despite all his faults, John Rocker still has his fans. 
John Rocker don't like him no immigrants, gays or queers. 

Tribe: Coyopa.

Cons: Consider Rocker's racist remarks to Sports Illustrated about why he'd hate playing for and living in New York.

"I'd retire first. It's the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the 7 train to the ballpark looking like you're [riding through] Beirut next to some kid with purple hair next to some queer with AIDS right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing… The biggest thing I don't like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?"

Pros: He recently followed his original ignorant comments up by blaming the Holocaust on gun control laws...Oh wait, that's not exactly a "Pro," is it?

Julie McGee - A 28-year-old actress, model and spray tan business owner from Atlanta. John Rocker's girlfriend.

Survivor contestant Julie McGee

Tribe: Hunahpu.

Pros: Well, she technically is a professional, I guess.

Cons: By spray tan business owner, Julie really means "stripper."


Nadiya Anderson - A 28-year-old cross-fit teacher from New Jersey.

Survivor contestant Nadiya Anderson

Tribe: Hunahpu.

Pros: Claims that her social game needs work because she and her sister don't care what people think about them.

Cons: Has already competed multiple times on The Amazing Race.

Natalie Anderson - A 28-year-old cross-fit teacher from New Jersey. Nadiya's twin sister.

In case you can't tell them apart, Natalie Anderson is the Indian one. 

Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: Has already competed multiple times on The Amazing Race.

Cons: Claims that her social game needs work because she and her sister don't care what people think about them.

Reed Kelly - A 31-year-old Broadway performer and model.

Reed Kelly's penis, "The Gimp."

Tribe: Hunahpu.

Pros: He's Clay Aiken's ex-boyfriend, so he's basically proven that he can put up with just about anything.

Cons: I'm guessing that when he signed up for Survivor he was just trying to put in a request for a Destiny's Child song at karaoke.

Josh Canfield - A 32-year-old actor, singer and writer from New York City. Reed Kelly's boyfriend.

Josh Canfield

Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: His boyfriend describes his game as being similar to Lisa Whelchel's, only I'm assuming in a non-ultra religious pro Proposition 8 kind of way.

Cons: Josh is either willing to accept Clay Aiken's sloppy seconds, or he actively sought out Clay Aiken's sloppy seconds. Either way, I just wish that it was actually Clay Aiken competing on the show instead of Josh.

Jon Misch - A 26-year-old financial assistant from Waterford, MI. 

Survivor contestant Jon Misch

Tribe: Hunapu.

Pros: A former football player at Michigan State who earned the nickname "The Missile" for his tenacity.

Cons: In Michigan, when most people say they are dating Miss Michigan it means that they are in a relationship with their hand (you know, because Michigan is shaped like a mitten). In John's case, he actually likely to be getting hand jobs from the real Miss Michigan, which could distract him from the game.

Jaclyn Schultz - A 25-year old Miss Michigan winner who's currently living in Las Vegas where she currently works as a media buyer. John Misch's high-school sweetheart.

Miss Michigan and Survivor contestant Jaclyn Schultz

Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: She's hot.

Cons: She's a pageant girl, so she's not as hot as she thinks she is.

Drew Christy - A 25-year-old traveling sales representative for his family's business in Winter Park, FL.

Drew Christy getting his "Zoolander" on.

Tribe: Hunapuh. 

Pros: Expect his abs to get more air time than either of the Anderson twins.

Cons: In addition to his role with his family's business, he's also an aspiring male model, His bio also suggests a competitive relationship with his younger brother, so I'm thinking that he may have less loyalty to his blood than the other contestants, which would be a disadvantage.

Alec Christy - A 22-year-old student and lacrosse player at Florida Gulf Coast University. Drew's younger brother.

Alec Christy playing lacrosse at Florida Gulf Coast University.

Tribe: Coyopa. 

Cons: Lists a Playboy magazine as one of the luxury items he wishes he could bring with him on the show.

Pros: Perhaps if Alec really had a Playboy with him maybe he wouldn't fall victim to any of the aspiring vixens this season, which I see as a potential problem for him.

Jeremy Collins - A 42-year-old fireman from Foxboro, MA.

Jeremy Collins

Tribe: Hunahpu.

Pros: Lists his claim to fame as making it as a player in the Arena Football League as a player despite never having played football in college.

Cons: While he claims that he'll be a beast in competitions, Jeremy's black, so he may or may not be able to swim, which could be a problem when it comes to Survivor.

Val Collins - A 35-year-old cop from Foxboro, MA. Jeremy's wife. 

Val Collins

Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: She's a cop, who seem to do well in reality shows like Survivor.

Cons: Her claim to fame is her family, which is probably more of a depressing fact than a "claim to fame."

Wes Nale - A 23-year-old firefighter from Shreveport, LA.

Wes Nale and his 'Bama hair.
Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: He has John Parker Wilson hair (a/k/a "Alabama hair")?"

Cons: The guy calls himself "Big Wes" on Twitter, which would kind of be like Kim Kardashian calling herself "Smart Kim."

Keith Nale - A 53-year-old fire captain from Winter Haven, FL. Wes's father. 

Keith Nale

Tribe: Hunahpu.

Cons: He's old.

Pros: He has a really bitchin' mustache.

Dale Wentworth - A 55-year-old farmer from Ephrata, WA.

Dale Wentworth

Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: Dale's Twitter name is "FarmGuy69," which should get him plenty of attention on FarmersOnly.com.

Cons: He's playing with his hot daughter, who probably didn't need to know that he threw the number 69 into his Twitter handle.

Kelley Wentworth - A 28-year-old marketing manager from Seattle. Dale's daughter. 

Survivor contestant Kelley Wentworth in her bikini.

Tribe: Hunapuh.

Pros: You don't find many rednecks from Seattle, but she seems to be making it work for her.

Cons: Will the hot girl factor be negated by being on the show with her dad?

Monday, September 1, 2014

Blogging Big Brother 16 - "You're not fucking Jesus in this house"




The final week of Big Brother 16 began with Victoria just a little to full of herself, as when talking about Frankie she said, "It takes a player to play a player, and guess what Frankie, the joke's on you."

Of course, to that point in the game Frankie had established himself as one of the best competition players in addition to making several big moves, while Victoria's biggest accomplishment was making it back into the game after passing out while taking to take a shit.

Having to re-play the past week's competitions as a result of the house hitting the "Re-set Button," Frankie also started to get a little more cocky than normal, and normally, Frankie is pretty full of cocks.

"When I won this (the HOH) Competition and the Veto last week, I pretty much solidified by position in this house as competition beast."

However, the second time around Caleb won the HOH, and Derrick and Cody both lobbied him to put up Frankie.

When a Luxury Competition was announced, Caleb thought about the only two things that it could possibly mean.

"I'm super stoked, this could possibly have to do with some money, or maybe a big ole' jacked up Diesel truck."

However, it was The Jury who returned to the house to play in the Luxury Competition, and they trashed the house searching for disks for $5,000 while the remaining house guests were forced to watch.

Retrieve puck and use it to vote for a person to be knocked out. Winner gets $5k. House guests get to vote on who wins, and if correct they win $5k.

While Nicole managed to knock four different players out of the competition, her boyfriend ended up beating her in the final two to win the $5k.

As HOH, Caleb nominated Victoria and Frankie, saying that he made a pact with the three guys, even though was really secretly targeting Frankie.

Victoria was in on that plan saying, "I'm nominated for the 8th time, but sorry Frankie, you're going to be walking out that door, and I'm going to make it to the final four."

Trying to earn a Jury vote, Caleb even took it upon himself to tell Frankie that Derrick and Cody had lobbied to put him up.

The POV Competition was once again a three face mash-up. With Cody winning, that all but sealed Frankie's fate in the game, and he kept Caleb's nominations the same.

Sensing that he was in trouble, Frankie threatened to lobby the Jury and social media if he got voted out saying, "You're looking at the person who will single handedly pick the winner of this game."

That didn't go over well with the others, as Caleb said, "Shut up Frankie," while Cody told Frankie, "You're not fucking Jesus in this house."

Sure enough, Frankie was evicted in a 2-0 vote by Cody and Derrick, but not without having to hear a not so biting prepared speech from Frankie before he left the house.

"Caleb, I'm returning these to you, because even though I'm a queen, I have been the king of this house for 88 days. Victoria, please try to win something. Derrick, as the only remaining responsible adult, please don't kill my fish. Cody, I've had better."

Frankie's eviction sent us to the HOH Competition, which consisted of a series of "before or after" questions about the sequence of certain events that took place in the house.

Derrick ended up winning HOH and nominated Victoria and Caleb after making Caleb think that he had volunteered to go up as a pawn.

Not only was Caleb delusional about not being Derrick and Cody's target, but he was narcissistic enough to think that he was going to get signed to a movie, record or fitness model deal after the show ended.

In actuality, Caleb's last chance to stay in the game was the POV Competition, which required the players to solve a puzzle by linking the photos of past competition winners to their particular contests based upon clues that they were given..

Cody ended up winning the POV, which left Victoria and Caleb on the block and gave Cody the sole vote to evict.

In revealing that he decided to eliminate Caleb, Cody revealed his final two deal with Derrick.

Caleb took losing in stride, but perhaps regretting that he volunteered to be nominated four different times.

"My momma always told me I wasn't he brightest crayon in the box."

That sent the final four players to the final HOH Competition of the season, a three part contest that saw the winner of part one automatically move on to part three to play the winner of part two.

Cody won part one, an endurance competition to hang onto a ledge the longest.

Part two of the final HOH Competition saw Derrick and Victoria face off and repel through a course while trying to match faces to certain events that took place in the house.

And while Derrick ended up wining the right to compete against Cody for the final HOH, Victoria was still convinced that Derrick would take her to the final two.

By that point, some people in the Jury House were actually of the belief that Victoria might actually be playing dumb in order to advance further in the game, at least until Zach had enough and said,
"She's not ACTING dumb though!"

The final stage of the HOH Competition was called "Know your Jury," a true of false contest about how a Jury Member had answered a specific question.

While Cody defeated Derrick in a tie-breaker, Cody kept his word by evicting Victoria and taking Derrick with him to the finals.

At the final live vote, Derrick made his case to win by emphasizing his social game, noting how there were 55 nominations for eviction during the season, and how he was not nominated a single time. He also noted the four different times that he had won HOH.

Cody also stressed his social game, noting how he befriended people and used those relationships to gain information to help his alliance.

In the end, most of the Jury felt that Cody was simply Derrick's puppet, and Derrick won by a  7-2 vote.

More importantly, the winner of America's Favorite House Guest $25k was announced, which went to Donny with 5 million out of the over 10 million votes that were cast over Nicole and Zach.